Vote Hedgehog!

  • beccolina

    Do hedgehogs allow room for guinea pigs and fancy rats in their platform? I support a platform that is open to all pocket pets.

  • http://hezekiahgarrett.wordpress.com Hezekiah Garrett

    I’ve never typed one of these out, so Aunt Dode forgive me if I get it wrong…

    When Earth was very young, and First man and First Woman still lived, Bear was always very hungry. He would eat anything, but he especially liked Porcupine. He would chase Porcupine, and porcupine was forever climbing tall tall trees to escape his brother, Bear. He grew weary, being so small, from all the climbing.

    One day, he was among the Black Locust and noticed how the stickers hurt him and stung like Wasp. And he had an idea! He gathered some of the stickers and stuck them in his fur and he waited. When Bear came around, pretty soon because Bear was ALWAYS hungry, Porcupine curled up in a ball, and Bear tried and tried, but he always got stuck, right on the nose! And old Bear soon ran away.

    But the Water-Spider saw all this. The Water-Spider was the wisest, but was also a trickster. And Water-Spider called to Porcupine, “How did you know to do that? How did you learn that trick?” And Porcupine, frightened, answered, “I am Bear’s favorite and he is always bothering me. I thought that since the stickers hurt me, then if I wore them he would leave me be.”

    And so Water-Spider gathered more Locust stickers, and some clay mud, and using Water-Spider medicine, made the stickers and the mud into a coat of skin for Porcupine, and called them quills. And so Porcupine set off with his new coat, with Water-Spider watching from the distance. And the first to meet Porcupine was Wolf. When Wolf pounced, Porcupine curled up, very afraid. But Wolf was stung, and ran away howling and howling. Next came Bear, but he saw that Porcupine was now COVERED in the Locust stickers and he did not even try to touch him, and he ran away too!

    And that is why we use quills on clothes and medicine pouches. For protection.

    HEDGEHOG for PRESIDENT!!!

    • beccolina

      I need a like button for this. Nice to see your blog, btw.

      • http://hezekiahgarrett.wordpress.com Hezekiah Garrett

        Thank you. I know porcupines aren’t hedgehogs, but our hedgehogs disappeared a long time ago. I know another story, but it is too long to type, about why Porcupine and Beaver are no longer friends, and how Porcupine became a friend of Groundhog instead.

        And do you know why Porcupine laughs? You can hear him if you get close, “Heh hee heh”. If you have powerful medicine, like Porcupine, you have nothing to fear and can always be joyful!!!

        Being a Saint must be a lot like being a Porcupine.

        • S. Murphy

          Whole different take on the armor of God…

          • beccolina

            It’s an analogy that is worth some thought.

          • http://hezekiahgarrett.wordpress.com Hezekiah Garrett

            I don’t see how it is different, except in the particulars. Porcupine’s medicine is derived from Water-Spider medicine, and Water-Spider was given her medicine by the Great Father of All. It is an accident of history that Celtic paganism was baptised, and Indian heathenism was expunged. My people have a fairly complicated and contentious religious history. In the next day or so I will post a more thoroughgoing treatment.

            On my own blog. (I can imagine Mark cheering to himself if he reads that last line. :-) )

  • http://disputations.blogspot.com Tom K.

    The video makes a strong case, but I’ve found a candidate I can support in November, and beyond:
    http://disputations.blogspot.com/2012/10/a-spirited-campaign.html

    • http://hezekiahgarrett.wordpress.com Hezekiah Garrett

      As I recall you like Bulliet Rye, so I trust your taste in candidates. I have a weakness for whiskey, so I avoid it. Odd thing is, it makes me sing and love everybody. Sometimes inappropriately so. Guess I never do anything appropriately.

  • http://www.likelierthings.com Jon W

    At first I thought Spastic was running.

    • S. Murphy

      What ever happened to Cricket?

  • kenneth

    Before you all get on the bandwagon, “Hedgehog” is also the nickname of Ron Jeremy! That said, I’ve met the guy in passing a couple of times and given our current choices, I’d be inclined to give him my vote…..

  • Fr. Shane Tharp

    I refuse to vote for any hedgehog apart from Sonic.

    • Linebyline

      Look. I can’t in good conscience vote Elephant. And I’m definitely not voting Donkey. But, as is so often the case with third parties, Hedgehog isn’t really any better. In fact, it might be even worse. Let’s take a look at the candidates, shall we?

      Shadow would be a bigger warmonger than any GOP chicken hawk. He has that whole revenge mentality. Remember the “death to all who oppose me” platform he ran on back in 2005?

      Amy tends to rush into things without thinking or even taking the time to be sure of whom she’s dealing with. Plus she’s prone to violence, and has poor negotiation skills. Can you imagine what her foreign policy would be?

      Silver has the same acting-before-thinking problem, plus he’s a meddler. Boy, if you think Obama has a problem with thinking he can fix everything… Oh, and he’s not shy about killing someone for crimes yet to be committed, so we’d have even more pre-emptive war on our hands. Not to mention his penchant for revisionist history.

      As for Sonic himself? He’d probably have such a hands-off policy that Ron Paul would look like a micro-manager by comparison. Worse, sociopolitical borders mean nothing to him. He does whatever he feels like, regardless of the property damage he does along the way. Just ask, oh I don’t know, everyone who owned a car in Central City. There’d be nothing left of America by the time he was done.

      Me, I’m voting for Big. He understands subsidiarity like no one else, he keeps everything as simple as possible, and nobody can accuse him of being another money-grubbing politician. But he’s also a team player, so he’s got solidarity down too. He gives short speeches. He’s also way smarter than he gets credit for: He figured out how to fly a miniature fighter jet that is also an old-fashioned biplane on his first try, without ever having even seen one before. (Okay, he crashed it, but no one was hurt.) He can also lift cars. He’s been practically everywhere–even places that make absolutely no sense, so he’ll fit right in in Washington. And he has a pet frog. He is the only logical choice.

      • Linebyline

        Possibly related: Ever have one of those ideas that seems like a good idea and then after you post it on the Internet you look back at it and decide it wasn’t such a good idea? I think that just happened.

  • http://hezekiahgarrett.wordpress.com Hezekiah Garrett

    Padre Shane,

    Our own beloved SpastIc would also be a worthy candIdate.

    • http://www.likelierthings.com Jon W

      I agree. I would vote for Spastic.

  • SpasticHedgehog

    I approve this message!

    My first presidential act? A nap. It’s cold out.