Some Bigoted Vegans May Oppose This

A reader sends this along:

VEGANS FOR FOOD EQUALITY

Inspired by the success of Catholics for Marriage Equality, a new group has formed: Vegans for Food Equality. Here is what they say:

After generations of silence, we Vegans are finally speaking out. We ourselves are devout believers in the virtue of fresh fruits and vegetables, but we see no reason to consider them superior to other foods.

We are ashamed that less enlightened Vegans have made disparaging remarks about deep fried chicken, corn-fed beef and creamy chocolate pies. We have family members who secretly eat those “forbidden” foods. They have been made to feel guilty when they stop for a fish taco or a Big Mac.

Now is the time to end all discrimination. One food should not be considered “better” than another.

To combat long-standing prejudice, Vegans for Food Equality will open a new Vegan restaurant in Seattle. Side by side with traditional vegan favorites, we will offer Denver omelets, chili dogs and real milk shakes.

Finally we appeal to our fellow Vegans to vote for a new law which will expand the meaning of “vegetable.” From now on vegetable will include anything you place in your mouth and swallow. This new law will not prevent old-fashioned Vegans from referring to carrots and broccoli as “vegetables.” It will simply expand the definition of vegetable to include sirloin steaks and cheddar cheese.

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”

  • ivan_the_mad

    We are all vegans today.

  • David

    Actually, there is a version of this that exists in reality: people who eat chicken and/or fish and call themselves vegetarians…

  • jc

    There are many reasons why the number of vegans has doubled in the US in less than 3 years. Here are two uplifting videos to help everyone understand why so many people are making this life affirming choice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKr4HZ7ukSE and http://www.veganvideo.org/.

    • Mark Shea

      Mkay. But you do realize this post isn’t really about vegans, right?

  • beccolina

    Can we redefine Halloween candy as low-carb, too? This is gonna make dieting a snap!

  • Athonwy

    Stupid troll is stupid.

  • sibyl

    Yeah! Just because we’ve always been ignorant, thinking in outmoded categories about vegetables, doesn’t mean we have to keep on living in the 13th century. I mean, a carrot is orange, crunchy, and tasty. And a Dorito is orange, crunchy, and tasty. In fact, I’d say a Dorito is actually a lot tastier, and those who just don’t go for the carrot taste might really become vegan if Doritos were recognized as vegetables.

    Who are we to say what someone else’s definition of vegetable is? Why does my vegan meal of Doritos, hot dogs, and jalapeno poppers (stuffed with delicious vegetables such as cream cheese and bacon bits), threaten your vegan meal of quinoa mixed with braised spinach and pine nuts?

    I can only hope that all your readers are enlightened enough to VOTE NO for the constitutional amendment that limits veganism. That amendment was just written by haters…


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