We have not–yet–reached the point of passive, bread and circuses decadence where members of our Ruling Class have so subdued, drugged, and intimidated us that they can scramble for power like Barracks Emperors with actual murders of opponents in power struggles. So the Onion piece is still capable of making us laugh.
But on the other hand, we are well on the way. The President has already seized the de jure, though not the de facto, power to murder anybody on planet earth he wishes, and we haven’t said boo about it. His supporters are quiet because it’s the God King who is doing it, so they mustn’t rock the boat. The Thing That Used to be Conservatism thinks war is super cool and clings to it as its sole core value (more important than abortion by far, given the pass that war-and-abortion-supporter Romney got) and manages to enthusiastically support Obama in only one thing: his blasting of civilian men, women and children to smithereens. The only thing they are sad about is that it is Obama and not Romney wielding lawless, unaccountable power. They certainly have no problem with lawless, unaccountable power.
We have the government we richly deserve. Someday, when they have us securely in hand with bread and circuses, our Ruling Class will commence doing what men always do when they forget God, they will augment preying on the weak with preying on each other in the quest for dominance. Meanwhile, the beatitude holds: Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.