Sorry About the Technical Difficulties

During the blackout, there was no national purge in which all the Patheos writers were killed and replaced with soulless pod people indistinguishable from you humans or anything. There is nothing at all amiss with Patheos and those who suspect there is will not be hunted down and slain like dogs and your corpses used in our medical experimentation and organic tissue food cultivation vats.

HA!

HA!

HA!

Join me in my entirely natural laughter, won’t you?

Update: A reader replies:

Fortunately, I have foreseen this plot and rendered my body useless for medical experimentation through decades of unhealthy living.

You’ll make excellent jerky and rich Corinthian leather.

  • http://the-last-crusade.tumblr.com Thom Willis

    Oh dear.
    That got dark quickly.

  • kara

    Humph. Well, I was bored this afternoon when your “server was down.” So I convinced Troll (not a goblin) to excommunicate all of you anyway.

  • victor

    Those organic fod tissue cultivation vats are suppsed to be really good for the environment!

  • RFlaum

    Fortunately, I have foreseen this plot and rendered my body useless for medical experimentation through decades of unhealthy living.

    • Mark Shea

      You’ll make excellent jerky and rich Corinthian leather.

      • Stu

        You eat car interiors?

        • Mark Shea

          Actually the leather would be for the interior of an invading alien armada bent on your annihilation–if we were aliens (which, of course, we certainly are not and what a silly idea, amirite?)

          • Stu

            I have ample amounts of Slim Whitman on my iPhone.

            Bring it.

  • http://aftertheecstasythelaundry.wordpress.com/ Cynthia

    Seriously, that just made my day. Thank you!

  • http://redcardigan.blogspot.com/ Erin Manning

    And here I thought it was because I’m seriously behind in paying my Dark Lord Access Fee…
    …wait. Did I just say that out loud?

  • Kirt Higdon

    I never watch the superbowl, so I’m going to have to ask. Did the blackout occur before or after or at the very moment Beyonce flashed that Illuminati hand signal? The discussion on radio seems to lean toward blaming her in some unspecified way for the blackout, but I’ve yet to hear it connected to her suddenly revealed membership in the most evil and secret (yet best known) of all secret societies. Suspicious minds want to know.

  • Linebyline

    Sorry, Pod Man. The real Mark was replaced by Yoda of Borg a couple years back anyway. So you’re a little late.

    • Linebyline

      I mean, I’m so glad you’re back, obviously-the-real-Mark-Shea!


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