During the blackout, there was no national purge in which all the Patheos writers were killed and replaced with soulless pod people indistinguishable from you humans or anything. There is nothing at all amiss with Patheos and those who suspect there is will not be hunted down and slain like dogs and your corpses used in our medical experimentation and organic tissue food cultivation vats.
Join me in my entirely natural laughter, won’t you?
Update: A reader replies:
You’ll make excellent jerky and rich Corinthian leather.
Fortunately, I have foreseen this plot and rendered my body useless for medical experimentation through decades of unhealthy living.