My Awesome Predictions for the Conclave

I know exactly who is going to be elected and when. Pay no attention to the pundits, bet-taking, crystal ball gazers and the rest. I, even I, know *exactly* who and when. Exactly.

Gather round children as I summon my mystic powers to foretell that which must and shall be!!!

The next Pope will be the one who wins the most votes in the Conclave.

He will be elected when the white smoke rises from the chimney at the Sistine Chapel.

I know! It gives even me the willies.

I’ve been able to do this all my life.

  • James H, London

    [Gasp!]

    Mr Shea, you’re a Prophet! You should start your own prophecy website. Better still, start your own church! All Hail!

  • Martha

    But Mr. Shea, you forgot the most important parts! Will the next pope be…

    a man????

    And even more vital to know, especially in light of all the kind newspaper editorials telling us what is needed to save the benighted Catholic Church in this modern 18th, I mean 19th, I mean 20th, no drat it, 21st century world –

    will he be… (gasp) a Catholic!!!???!!!

    This is urgently necessary knowledge!

    :-)

  • Subsistent

    Altho I don’t claim clairvoyance, I’m a brilliant, if unappreciated, analyst. Accordingly, connecting the dots by reading between the lines of the latest reports from John Allen, John Thavis, and Rocco Palmo, I hereby make the following prediction: The next pope will immediately move drastically to empower lay people, requiring strictly that from now on, any person elected pope must be — no exceptions — either a lay person or a former lay person. ;-)

  • Michelle

    He will be elected when the white smoke rises from the chimney at the Sistine Chapel.

    Ah ha! I knew you were a phony-baloney mystic. The new pope is not elected when “the white smoke rises from the chimney at the Sistine Chapel”; by that point, he’s already pope. The white smoke merely announces, “Hey! We made a decision. Gather ’round.”

    /smug superiority ;)

  • http://www.chesterton.org Sean P. Dailey

    All hail Mark Divine Mercy.

  • “jerry”

    “The next Pope will be the one who wins the most votes in the Conclave.”

    GET. OUT.

  • bob

    Since the conclaves of 1978 I’ve marvelled at the way the helpless news people react. They are without any intelligent thing to say. Not just bottomless ignorance about a religious issue, but the complete lack of any information. They know *nothing* until everyone in the crowd seeing the smoke does. Drives them nuts. I remember laughing at the talking heads reacting to black smoke: “well, the smoke is black, no election. What *does that mean* Fr. Andrew Greeley?” Then Greeley would proceed to fill the air; “well, it means the Curia Cardinals are opposing the other ones….Blah, blah” …In other words they knew precisely NOTHING. The smoke was black, period. Delightful to watch all the big names reduced to more babbling than usual. The conclave provides a great show to watch the information class starved. Then they think they can provide information on other topics and we’ll trust them!

    • Rosemarie

      +J.M.J+

      Back in 2005, I watched the beginning of the conclave on EWTN. I was impressed by the “extra omnes,” followed by so many people leaving and the doors to the Sistine Chapel being shut – right in the viewers’ faces. Or, more accurately, the doors being shut on the TV camera. I was so impressed that I just had to watch it again yesterday. It’s like the whole world is being shut out of the conclave – including the press. Which you just know must be killing them since they always want that “scoop,” that “exclusive” report which, in this case, they’re just not going to get. So yeah, I agree – it must be maddening to them to know no more about the proceedings in there than the rest of us know.

  • Jon W

    The next Pope will be the one who wins the most votes in the Conclave.

    That’s not necessarily correct. One cardinal could get the most votes over the course of the conclave yet never muster the supermajority (whatever it’s supposed to be) in any one particular vote to get elected.

  • Elaine S.

    “Then Greeley would proceed to fill the air; “well, it means the Curia Cardinals are opposing the other ones….Blah, blah”
    Years ago I read one of Fr. Greeley’s books (think it was “Confessions of a Parish Priest”, and that I got it for a quarter at a garage sale) in which he claimed that he had some fail-safe formula for determining prior to every conclave who the winner would be. He also claimed, IIRC, that in the conclaves of 1978 his formula had accurately predicted Card. Luciani (John Paul I) and Card. Wojytla (John Paul II) as winners. I don’t know, however, if he was still using this formula in 2005 or if it worked. I would love to know who it points to this time, but we probably will never know since Fr. Greeley has been disabled due to a car accident, I believe, since 2008 or so.

  • anna lisa

    It’s gonna be Tagle. How do I know you might ask? Cause a couple of days ago, I sent my hubs to the grocery store, and he bought a six pack of Filipino beer. FILIPINO BEER. He never buys FILIPINO beer. Even he didn’t know it was Filipino. We read the label and became subdued, exchanging knowing looks. Yes. It was a sign. And a portent too.
    You heard it here first.

  • http://www.protourism.biz Manuel

    After the Pope election,the Sistine Chapel open to the visitors next Monnday March 18 th.


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