My Awesome Predictions for the Conclave

I know exactly who is going to be elected and when. Pay no attention to the pundits, bet-taking, crystal ball gazers and the rest. I, even I, know *exactly* who and when. Exactly.

Gather round children as I summon my mystic powers to foretell that which must and shall be!!!

The next Pope will be the one who wins the most votes in the Conclave.

He will be elected when the white smoke rises from the chimney at the Sistine Chapel.

I know! It gives even me the willies.

I’ve been able to do this all my life.

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