Left Behind: Now with 100% More Nicholas Cage!

Photo: #LeftBehindMovie is coming soon! Are you ready?

I cannot wait for this.  Meanwhile, I must content myself with one of the funniest reviews ever written: Rod Dreher’s take on the original Left Behind movie called “Do Fake Boobs Go to Heaven?”

Steven Greydanus, Grand Panjandrum of Catholic Film Criticism and Collector of Awesome Shea Honorifics, has a crushing burden of expectation on him to turn out an absolute Lulu of a review when this contribution to Western Civilization is released. My suggestion: a close study of such Masters as John C. Wright and, well, John C. Wright to see how it’s done. Not that I distrust Steve to do the job. He has, after all, written two brutal reviews of the detestable How the Grinch[TM] Stole Christmas and The Cat in the Hat–all in Seussian rhyme–showing that he possessed the literary chops to do a solid and hilarious autopsy on this sure-fire stinkbomb. But one always has a sense that mortal flesh may not be up to the task of reflecting back the sheer high voltage awfulness this film promises.

  • Mark S. (not for Shea)

    Judgment had me at Mr. T. As far as I’m concerned, every movie without Mr. T is poorer for it.

  • Newp Ort

    1. The increase in Nicholas cage cannot be represented as a percentage, as the calculation would be 100% x 1/0; division by zero is undefined.
    2. ALL boobs go to heaven. It is analagous to the the Terminator in the film “The Terminator.” Something must be living in order to time travel, but The Terminator can time travel as it is a metal monstrosity encased in living human flesh.

  • http://www.parafool.com/ victor

    Hey, now. The film could turn out actually to be good.

    I don’t see HOW, but it’s possible.

    • Rebecca Fuentes

      Somewhere, in the infinite number of universes, it will be good. Chances of it being good in this one . . .

  • Loretta

    They did a remake ALREADY???