Somebody just sent one of these to me anonymously

It was addressed to “Dark Lord Shea”. Just gets a fella choked up, you know? [Read more…]

An aspiring Dark Lordette writes:

Dear Mark, How can I become a Dark Lord like you . . . minus the beard and the bizarre distaste for cinnamon? Your adoring sycophant. Reader 1 Begin by making sartorial choices like this. Reader 1: I’ll get right on that. I’m sure that Walmart has one! Excellent. Then we need to talk about [Read More…]

Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds of Secret Arctic Lairs

…not to mention my secret portal to the Hollow Earth from whence was to issue my Special Surprise for an unsuspecting humanity. Great. Just great. This is really going to screw up my timeline for world domination. [Read more…]

People of Earth!

I demand one *millllion* dollars or I will continue to find and post things like this: [Read more…]

PEOPLE OF EARTH!: I can do this all day and not even get tired

Surrender! [Read more…]

“Dear Dark Lord” people often write me…

(providing me both clonable DNA from the spit on their envelope flaps *and* with enough address information for my ninjas to hunt them down like dogs and kill them when my clones are ready to replace them–but I digress), “what does your Dark Tower look like as it stands lonely vigil and rears itself above [Read More…]

We Dark Lords Find This Kind of Thing Deeply Inspiring

Watch to the end, particularly as that last metronome (the one on the right in the second row) comes to love Big Brother and submit to the General Will. As your Dear Leader, I vow that I will use any means necessary to bring this beautiful order out of the chaos of decadent Western freedom. [Read more…]

Greg Popcak’s “Holy Sex” Jumped from 16,000 to #8 on Amazon

…as a result of his being mentioned in that US News and World Report piece on how devout Catholics have happier and deeper sex lives. I’m thinking about sending my Legions of Terror to destroy Tokyo and then issuing a statement to US News and World Report.  You know, “People of Earth! Bow to me!”  The usual [Read More…]

I Gotta Get Me One of These!

HT: The Snoring Scholar, who has the full scoop on this important book for all the aspiring Dark Lord competitors I plan to have killed. [Read more…]

Death Stars vs. Anti-Catholics

A reader writes: There is a “We the People” online poll put up by the White House. Anyone can open a petition, and if they get 25,000 signatures, the White House will give an official response. Around Christmas, some group started a petition to classify the Catholic Church as a hate group. As of January [Read More…]