Why Some Women Will Never Get the Man They Deserve

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  • Beverly W

    Thank you…..I will keep hope alive. Actually, I thought I had found this man. PLEASE let me restate this: I thought this man had found me. He was introduced to me by a friend; he was in ministry, intelligent, a real gentlemen and he was really in to me. We dated for about 3 years and all of a sudden, “Poof” he was gone. It was a deep hurt for me, I never really know what happened. If ever there was a counterfeit it may have been him because I KNOW I am the REAL DEAL. It still hurts….I’m older now, not sure if a relationship is in the cards for me. I pray for young women who are waiting; continue to wait patiently and pick up a copy of this author’s book/writings on signs of a counterfeit!

  • Randell Franklyn Busby

    This argument is fundamentally flawed. Women do not “need” a man. One of the greatest lies of the Protestant Evangelical/Fundamentalist movement has been the perversion of the Divine concept of marriage. God did not create marriage as a vehicle for two people to engage in recreational sex. Nor did God intend for married couples to use contraception or “creative” methods of sex with the intent of preventing or avoiding conception.

    Jesus and the Apostle Paul both insisted that Christ-followers live a life of chastity and temperance–married or single. Old or New Testament, the sex act was intended for procreation and only procreation. The Apostle Paul begrudgingly granted permission for Christians to marry, but only if their character was so flawed that controlling their behavior was beyond their ability and their lack of control would cause scandal in the community and be an impediment to proclamation of the Gospel.

    The next time you hear some preacher blather on about God’s desire for married people to have a “healthy sex life,” stand up and proclaim them guilty of heresy.

  • Tiny J

    The reason Paul gave for the importance of marriage was to prevent “burning with passion” ie: to sate one’s sexual desire. Sex is an expression of a person’s humanity like hunger or thirst. And just like hunger or thirst, discipline and Godliness need to be applied. Hunger and thirst can lead to gluttony or drunkenness. Sex can lead to sexual deviance. Food, drink, and sex are all gifts from God to make our lives better.
    I don’t know where you got your poisonous views, but it definitely wasn’t the Bible…

  • Randell Franklyn Busby

    Every point that I made was absolutely scripture-based. Reflecting the narcissistic age in which we live, most of the Church has succumbed to it’s-all-about-me theology. You allude to the human-need aspect of sex, but completely ignore the sacred/sacramental aspects of marriage. Equating the sex act with basic human functions (i.e. hunger) is an appalling anthropomorphization (and perversion) of the typological significance of marriage (and sex) representing God’s covenant and relationship with His creation and Christ’s surrender and sacrifice.

    Show me anywhere in the NT (not inferred, but stated) where married Christians are instructed or encouraged to engage in sex outside the act of procreation–or at the very least, sex fully open to procreation (which means no contraception or other protective measures/strategies). “Be fruitful and multiply,” not “be horny and bump boots whenever you want.” Typically, you proof text what Paul said about marriage: the basis of all of Paul’s comments were “I would prefer that you not marry.”

  • Martha Deacon

    Oh, you derive your views from what the NT does *not* say. But Abraham and Sarah were clearly having married sex after the menopause. And a closely related ancient book narrates the story of Mary, whose aged parents, like Abraham and Sarah, were barren, post fertility, and having sex. There is no prohibition of sex in marriage. Neither is there a commandment that sex is ‘for’ procreation only. Even the command to be fruitful is consistent with any variations of married sex, family planning via birth control, infertile sex, aged sex, etc.

  • Martha Deacon

    The agony and bitter disappointment over the sauce on a sandwich, not noxious but just what you did not want, is absurd and indulgent. That degree of insistence on your own way, on being served, on adding up whether you got your money’s worth of sub-mission, is grotesque.

  • Tiny J

    Are you real?

  • PaulB

    One of the easiest and most avoidable mistake people make (in my opinion, mind) in seeking out relationships is being willfully ignorant of the role of biology in our lives, even in our lives of faith.
    Attraction is mostly chemical and involuntary in nature. It’s not something that we easily control or are aware enough to influence, especially when we’re young. God may have imbued in us a soul, but he also gave us an animal’s body, subject to an animal’s instincts, and managed by a part of our brain that is not all that different from that of a beast of the field.
    With respect to Randell’s views, I agree that women do not need a man. However, the desire is so strong both emotionally and physically to form a couple, that the difference between want and need is academic for many women… and men, too, for that matter.

    On top of the influence of our biology on our thinking, we also have social issues, as social beings, and biology and religion play both conscious and unconscious roles there too. Without awareness and understanding of the two, we are forced to respond and react to issues as they arise, instead of being able to plan and prepare for them beforehand. Witness the challenge of the single mother trying to find a good man, and then getting pregnant AGAIN, repeating mistakes that make happiness and life goals more challenging and difficult to obtain. So often, women especially manage to navigate through failed relationships with overtly bad men, only to get caught up in relationships with men who are incompatible with them but ostensibly can be good men. End result is failure anyhow. As for men, we tend to get more heavily influenced by our biology in our relationships, which leads to spectacular failure. Both of us keep trying, because we’re made to do so.

    My wife and I met in our mid-30’s. Both of us had come to terms with not having met someone and married, which we had both desired as younger people. God’s plan required not answering our prayers at the time we initially asked. We wouldn’t have been ready for each other, either, had we met when we were both seeking love and marriage in our 20’s. I would never have thought to seek out a relationship with a woman of another race and another culture. She would never accept a husband who spent 180 days a year at sea away from home. I caught the bouquet at the wedding where we met; she caught the garter. 2 years later to the day, we were married, and our son is a teenager now.