Christian But Not a Virgin: Am I Damaged Goods?

Christian But Not a Virgin: Am I Damaged Goods? December 13, 2017

woman on phoneThe Church taught me at an early age “SEX IS A SIN”!!!! Quite frankly I grew up thinking SEX was the “sinniest sin” of all sins! There was no turning back, purity was the only way! Once you lost it, you couldn’t get it back. Sure, you could claim to be a “born again virgin” but at the end of the day… you were no longer a “Virgin”. I can only speak for myself when I say I felt like “damaged goods” after giving myself to someone who CLEARLY wasn’t worthy.

Let’s fast forward to when I rededicated my life to Christ, finally waking up and smelling the roses. Kicking it with a group of friends, one who I looked up to said “Are there no Christian Girls in Chicago who are a Virgin, I don’t want a girlfriend someone else had”. Although that statement was not directed toward me, I was apart of the population of girls who fit into that “category”. I, for some reason, internalized his statement and thought, “no real Christian guy will ever want me”. While my friend meant no harm, his statement reinforced the idea that “non-virgins” were damaged goods. It played on my self esteem for quite sometime, until one day I was reminded of who I am in CHRIST.

With all of that being said I’m here to remind you…. YOU ARE NOT…DAMAGED GOODS! While sex is a sin that comes with many lurking consequences (like every other sin), it doesn’t define who you are, who you’ll be, nor where you’re headed in life! Many of us can quote 2 Corinthians 5:17 verbatim, [(NLT) this means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!]. But how many of us allow those words to penetrate our hearts? I know I didn’t.

Beyond the fact that we are NEW CREATURES, God has already forgiven you and forgotten about your imperfect past. Don’t believe me? Check this out “Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”The bible lets us know we have not only been forgiven of our sins, but they have been forgotten and we are brand NEW! Typically, nothing new is considered damaged goods (just saying).

Here’s a word of encouragement, stop letting your thoughts (and others for that matter) rob you of your new identity in Christ! If God has forgotten about it, why in the world would you allow anyone else to hang it over your head! YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! God has so much in store for you! You, my love, will reap the benefits of making a decision to live your life for Christ! Your past wont invade your future…wait…what past? God forgot all about that. I write these things to you because it’s what I wish someone would have shared with me in my season of feeling like “damaged goods”.

Here’s to an amazing future spent accomplishing all that God has for you, to acquiring the desires of your heart (including marriage and children), and taking nothing from the past but the lesson(s) that were gained. From one princess to another, you are ROYALTY, NOT DAMAGED GOODS (1 Peter 2:9)!

With Love,
Shannon Colar

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  • Kanawah

    No she is not “damaged goods”.
    She is now experienced and ready to learn more.
    there are three reasons to have sex. To have a baby, to show your love for the other person, and to have fun.
    Religion has no place in the bed room. Go for the sex that you want. If you enjoy sex, wonderful. If you do not, then you do not have to have it.

  • Dave Again

    The “damaged goods” are the cruel people who teach that sex is sinful. Providing sex is consensual, enjoy.

  • ollie

    I don’t believe that God (unlike humans) sees consensual sex as a sin. The reasons for having sex may make the whole process a sin. And it may make it a sin but not the other. But that is another set of issues.

    That said we can be damaged by alot of actions that we do. But that oftener has more to do with how we see God then his rules.

    God put in us an desire for food and for sex. These that say having consensual sex makes one damaged, know not God very well. But you can be sure that they are damaged somehow. They too must understand that God doesn’t see them as damaged but as being able to be whole also.

  • Fartrell Cluggins

    No you are not damaged goods, you are perfect the way you are. Don’t let religion or any other dogma convince you otherwise. If more people rejected such controlling and damaging dogma, we’d have a ton less depressed people in the world.

  • Linguagroover

    Christopher Hitchens, who died six years ago today, noted ‘how religion poisons everything’. This is especially true of sex. The best way to approach any aspect of life is with evidence. That often means looking at what the (modern) science says. Relying on ignorant Bronze Age texts is a fool’s errand. ‘Sin’ involving an invented invisible deity is patent nonsense – the sensible, rational thing to do is educate factually in line with intellectual development. Superstition keeps professional apologists in work and (entirely appropriate verb here) fucks people up.

  • Linguagroover

    Religion has no place in anything.

  • Judgeforyourself37

    NO, NO and NO, my dear, you are a wonderful young woman. Dump that guilt. A wise woman once told me never take a guilt trip, take a trip to the Mall, take a trip to see a friend whom you have not seen is a while, take a trip to the zoo, but never take a guilt trip.

  • Russell

    Shannon Colar,
    You wrote, “… giving myself to someone who CLEARLY wasn’t worthy.” You also quote your friend, “Are there no Christian Girls … who are a Virgin, I don’t want a girlfriend someone else had.” I may have been fooling myself into thinking that everyone of my partners was “worth it” and that it would be fate to have a child. Your friend is having a problem is having a problem with Grace. Thank you for your story. – Russell Simmons

  • Doug McCleary
  • Doug Johnson

    Contrary to the many posts, sex is a moral issue. We can deny that and go on freely experiencing whatever we want but this has been done before. This is the reason sexual mores exist at all. The cost to society is so very high and it will come due once again and another generation will reinvent sexual morality to address it. In my practice I see the consequences of a lax attitude toward sex almost every hour of the work day. I see the effects on children, society’s “canary in the mine”. To treat sex as a recreation akin to an amusement park is beyond reprehensible. It is irresponsible. This author has a struggle and is attempting to help others likewise struggling. She does it out of utmost sincerity and she is debased by those who feel justified in doing so to rationalize their own ethic. Shame on you.