My Chalkboard: Sandra McCracken

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From Sandra McCracken's beautiful new album Desire Like Dynamite. I sang this song ("Go") in my head all the way to the post office Wednesday to mail the book contract. It's becoming my Brave Girl mantra.   … [Read more...]

Light Your Candles Quietly: Keeping Advent with Mary, Vol. 3

Vol. 3 - Defiantly Demanding Redemption “In sober fact there is little romance or beauty in the thought of a young woman looking desperately for a place where she could give birth to her first baby… it is a bitter commentary upon the world that no one would give up a bed for the pregnant woman – and that the Son of God must be born in a stable.” (22) -JB Phillips “The Dangers of Advent” (From Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas)   Desperation is a word I … [Read more...]

Conversations with Ourselves

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Today I have the honor of guest posting at Preston Yancey's blog in his series "Conversations with Ourselves" in which we are given the opportunity to explore what our present self would like say to our past self (or vice versa). It was a gift to be forced to look at myself and love her, to give her grace. So grateful for the chance to write this. * * * It’s her twenty-first birthday. She wakes at 5:30 that August morning because she needs to leave her apartment by six. She’s one of ten … [Read more...]

Lament and Faith and Childhood: Why my kid and I read the sad Psalms

A year and a half ago, when my son first dreamed that a walrus (yes, I said a walrus) had entered his closet and rummaged around, I could not make that screaming child feel safe again, no matter what I tried. First, I lied about my own power: Look! I have Walrus spray! I’ll just spray your closet and he’ll never want to come back. Then, I made up a story to explain it all: Oh, I talked to the walrus and he’s super sorry, buddy. He meant to go to the apartment down the street where … [Read more...]

Andrea Palpant Dilley: Doubt, Flat Tires and the Goodness of God

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I first noticed Andrea Palpant Dilley when she shared her testimony in front of our church. That was  sometime in September, four weeks into my new life in Austin. And, I couldn't help but notice: She spoke like somebody who loved words. I decided right then, I'm gonna make her be my friend.  Thankfully, she started a writing group and I jumped on the email list and once a month I get to sit in a circle while she leads a discussion about literary things (and, sometimes, Jesus). I love this … [Read more...]

{Practicing Benedict} Do not disappoint me…

"When the decision is made that novices are to be accepted, then they come before the whole community in the oratory to make solemn promise of stability, fidelity to monastic life and obedience ... Novices must record their promises in a document ... Each must write the document in his or her own hand or, if unable to write, ask another to write it instead; then, after adding a personal signature or mark to the document, each must place it individually on the altar.  As the record lies on the … [Read more...]

To Lose Faith is to Stop Looking

“To lose faith is to stop looking.  To lose faith is to decide that all you ever saw from afar was your own best dreams.”               -Frederick Buechner I’ve had that quote on a sticky on my desktop for years now. I don’t know where I first read it. I simply read it. Every day I read it. I’m a doubter. That probably doesn’t come as a shock to you if you’ve been reading this blog long enough. Usually, if a believer finds peace in the acceptance of “mystery,” she … [Read more...]

Spirit of God, Descend Upon My Heart

We sang this hymn this past Sunday. I love these words. I can't sing it without tears. It was written by George Croly in 1854 and arranged by our church's worship leader Karl Digerness in 2006. Listen to it here. (And if you like it, you should buy Karl's new cd here.) I won't talk about why it's wonderful. Except to say that the image of God weaning my heart from the earth is incredibly powerful. And for God to check my rising doubt, my rebel sigh? Oh, beautiful words. Sometimes I just need … [Read more...]

Thankful Tuesday: Mystery and the Rally to Restore Unity

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If you haven’t heard, Rachel Held Evans has officially declared this week the Rally to Restore Unity in the blogiverse. What does this mean? It means we’re making awesome pictures of ourselves holding signs that are adorable and clever. And it means we’re actually communicating with each other about our differences within Christianity.  Look at the Facebook page. And read Rachel’s blog posts about it. It’s Thankful Tuesday. And in honor of the Rally to Restore Unity, I’m … [Read more...]

On Mary: Faith and Doubt

Whenever I spend time reading the biblical story of Mary, the mother of Christ, I imagine her to be like me, a sincere believer who can still find a way to doubt, to say yes, then run. This Advent season, I haven’t been able to get past Mary’s doubt. It’s not that I can ever know she was a doubter, it’s just that I sort of hope she was. The more I know Jesus the more I grasp my need for what John chapter one calls “grace and truth,” a spiritual rescuing of those of us (all of us) who … [Read more...]