This past week the death of Pakistani-Canadian teen, Aqsa Parvez, has been in the news in Canada. This terrible tragedy has made headlines because of the nature of her death – she was strangled to death by her own father in their Mississauga, Ontario home. Before I say anymore I would like to pray that God bless her soul and grant her paradise. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon (meaning: Verily we belong to Allah, and to Allah we return). I would also like to join the many other voices out there that have absolutely, under no uncertain terms, condemned this horrific murder. May she rest in peace. 
Aqsa, a Muslim girl of 16, was said to have had trouble with her family. The reports from her friends demonstrate that there was a large rift between herself and her parents. According to news reports, her parents wanted her to dress in what they felt was proper Islamic attire, whereas she wanted to wear more Western style clothing and integrate with her non-Pakistani, non-Muslim friends. It appears that her family had a great deal of trouble with this and the result was the tragedy of her murder.
When we speak of Islamic dress the piece of clothing which gets the most attention is the hijab. Many have reported that the arguments between Aqsa and her family were often about the hijab as Aqsa, who at one point wore the hijab, had decided to remove it. Her family wanted her to wear it.
The media of course has been all over this case and all over the hijab. I cannot blame them though. Anytime a parent kills their child it does tend to make the news. However, the hyper focus on the hijab has been frustrating. Just some of the articles include Girl, 16, dies after hijab dispute with father, Father says killed daughter in hijab case , Dad charged after daughter killed in clash over hijab. This is especially frustrating as at this point we are not clear on the motive. Disagreements on Islamic clothing as motive are only speculations based on accounts by Aqsa’s friends. However, most media stories have appeared to focus mainly on the Islamic clothing, namely hijab, issue. One article in The National Post even has as, its picture, the eyes of a niqabi woman, even though the niqab has not once been mentioned in this whole tragedy. Not to mention that this particular story is entitled The deadly face of Muslim extremism. The content of the article focuses on the messages being given to Muslims about the proper attire for a Muslim woman, and although they make some relevant points, the argument is lacking and the title inaccurate. Such titles only work to further reinforce a fear of those “crazy Muslims.” The article furthers this fear by stating that the messages in mosques are the cause of such acts. Although one may say that the messages about proper female attire may be questionable, I think insinuating that mosques condone killing one’s children if they do not conform is a dangerous and inaccurate accusation.
From the news reports it would appear that the main reason Aqsa was killed and the main reason there was a clash between her and her family was that she did not dress Islamically enough for her family. Obviously, as this is the only lead the media has, they are taking it and running with it. And I have no doubts that this indeed was a point of argument in her home. However, this, to me, seems to be an insufficient and shallow explanation. Additionally, this focus may take away from another problem which may be more relevant and which the media has shed some light on – that of cultural integration of immigrant parents and their children and cultural clashes which result.
Aqsa’s family was from a strongly patriarchal culture but was living in one in which patriarchy is challenged at every step.* Her family was from a culture in which children do as their parents say because, due to their collectivist culture, they are expected to place the needs of others (especially family) above themselves, even if it means sacrificing their happiness. However, they were living in an individualist culture in which each person’s uniqueness and individuality is emphasized and praised. Many children of immigrants find themselves juggling these two dimensions.
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I was wondering if you’d cover this story.Although obviously the hijab issue cannot be denied, this story does smack strongly of patriarchy and serious control issues. These, sadly, are far too common problems in the modern family. (And certainly not just the modern Muslim family.)It’s tragic that it would reach such a point. It’s horrifying that a father would murder his child, even unintentionally, if that’s what it was. But even the cases that don’t reach this level need attention. I agree with you that the coverage of this story is missing the perspective “we need to prevent violence against women,” not just violence that occurs in conservative Muslim families, although that too needs to be condemned.
tragic. of course it’s not just the muslim world where a family’s honour resides not in the actions of the members b in the chastity and modesty of its women. however, it’s not everywhere that people die for it.note also that the national post is a borderline tabloid and is not credible to most Canadians. i don’t know what the globe and mail said but i assume it would have been treated more even-handedly.i didn’t find canada particularly patriarchal. of course, men are sexist, but u can easily overcome it.
And I hope I did not completely downplay the role of the interpretation of Islam that bases so much of a woman’s worth on the hijab, and her clothing. This is indeed a problem and I’m sure played a role in the tragedy. After all, when parents are being told that their daughters will be seen as sexual things without “proper Islamic” clothing then one can see how they parents would want to enforce such clothing. However, I think this was a case of culture clash as well as religion. The culture clash manifested itself through their interpretation of religion.
shamefully tragic and a disgrace of parenthood.
forsoothsayer:You’re right. We see cases of honour killings among Sikhs as well in Canada. So it’s not just among Muslims that issues of honour are taken so seriously. The National Post, although right wing and biased, is actually not considered borderline. It is one of Canada’s major newspapers. But among the left it is considered biased and very right-wing. The Globe and Mail is the other major newspaper.Canada is still patriarchal unfortunately. Sexism among individual men only does not mean patriarchy. Patriarchy exists institutionally.
I’m still curious to know just how much this actually was about hijab and not about the family being dysfunctional and really cultural. I wonder if her dad is religious, does he pray fast?or is he just super cultural and hardly even prays I wouldnt be surprised if it were the latterHonor killing happen most frequently among illiterate families that can’t even read quran
The National Post is considered a “serious” newpaper-the Sun is the right-wing tabloid-but it’s also BY FAR the least popular. I don’t know anyone that reads it, most pick up the Globe or the Toronto Star, and really some of the columnists in the Globe and Mail are right wing enough.As for this story, I don’t know, I don’t want to say anything untill we know exactly what happened, the details seem incredibly sketchy right now.
Excuse me! This is a domestic violence issue! What about the grandparents who caged their grandchild in the closet and made him eat his own feces? Was that because of Christianity and his not being manly enough in “God’s” eyes? NOPE. So why are they so quick to call this a Muslim issue? I don’t buy it. It’s a “look at them barbarians” issue again. As a person with no religious ties, it was still easy for me to see through the smoke and mirrors.
Sometimes religion and culture do play a role. Don’t forget about the Warren Jeffs/Bountiful, BC case. So many girls living in that commune have been abused, and yes, the media really referenced the Fundementalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (which is not officially recognized by the REAL Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka Mormons) Is it because Warren Jeffs’ case is a cult? Or is it okay to mention religion/cult in this case because Warren Jeffs is white?As a child of immigrants (Catholic and Chinese, not Muslim) I too had conflicts with my parents. However, based on people I know, the many of the South Asian kids had far, far more issues/cultural conflict with their parents than I or any of my Chinese peers. For a detailed post of my reaction to this, visit Not Really Millennials
i read this blog a lot but this is my first time commenting…i think its easy to look at any act of domestic violence and try to find a concrete reason why it happened. in this case, in a struggle to find anything, they latched onto this alleged hijab issue.but thats the horror of domestic violence. it all happens for the same reasons: power and control. even if that girl wore hijab, prayed, didn’t question her parents’ authority…the same thing would have happened. because that father would have still wanted to have utmost control over his daughter.unfortunately, because the media portrays muslim family violence as an inherent problem with islam, our communities become extremely defensive. and so, it is difficult for them to seriously discuss the very real issues of domestic violence within the muslim community. thats why, as individual muslims, we need to start anti-violence movements within our respective communities and give places for victims AND abusers to seek help.
Khadija:Actually, according to news reports her father was a devout Muslim, praying all 5 prayers. His collegues reported that he would take breaks during work to say his prayers. So from news accounts this was a religious family.
Life upside down:No doubt this was a domestic violence issue, but by ignoring the role of how the family viewed religious obligations and the cultural background of this family, we will be ignoring a major problem in Muslim and South Asian families. And this will be a huge dis-service to the women of these communities. There are issues that are specific to them and by not focusing on their specific needs we are being unfair. We have to find a balance between identifying the problems so that they can be solved, and making sure not to stigmatize them further.
The duniya – The problem is that when they highlight a domestic issue as a “those people” issue, you victimize everyone who identifies with the culture they’re trying to scorn. It is general public concern when it affects the majority, but a community concern when it affect the minority. It allows for the majority to stand by as spectators and not consider these people as part of their country. The majority gets to talk about how wrong ‘they’ are. If it is not objected, this will (like other topics have) snowball into a discussion about Islam and the Middle East.
There was certainly a very dysfunctional aspect of the family that the media should pay more attention to. Before her murder, the father was physically abusing her, and she ran away and lived at a shelter for a while, before being convinced by a letter from her parents to come back home.The father was abusive to begin with. There were signs of a dysfunctional family way ahead of time. This isn’t something that just happened out of the blue.
my study of Canadian legal systems have revealed a pretty laudable lack of patriarchy and sexism. and should it be present in other institutional systems, the legal system can provide an easy remedy.although lots of cultures experience a serious culture clash when they are taken to the western diaspora, i think it’s fair to say that when (allegedly) religion is REFERENCED by the perpetrator as a cause of domestic abuse, it is ok to conclude that it is at least a factor. not like the case of the faeces eating child; but just like the case in Warren Jeffs, BC. of course it is NEVER acceptable to kill your child for lack of adherence to anything, and it is highly unlikely that the father found his actions to be justified considering that he turned himself in immediately. however, if the father did indeed lose it because of the daughter’s perceived lack of adherence to Islamic values, then i find it to be totally acceptable for journalists to bring that up – but the way they did it was far from objective.
forsoothsayer, I thought the argument was that the media portrays not wearing hijab to be the *main* reason for the killing. I don’t think anybody here is against the mentioning of religion (Islam).The Canadian legal system is not patriarchal, but there are other institutions that are, as you said. I’m not sure why you mentioned the Canadian legal system in particular, unless you are thinking that he killed her because he was following sharia.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/canada_murder_religion_islam
Asalaamu Aleikum FatemehYou have very clearly highlighted the media’s use of this tragedy as anti-Islamic propoganda. This whole story is just really tragic. I would not, however, agree with the suggestion that normative Islamic interpretation in anyway influenced this murder. Murder is a huge sin and crime in Islam. No religious authority, even the ones with the biggest, longest beards, would use an actual tenet of Islam to justify this.What we are seeing here is a cultural (guessing Punjabi Pakistani???) issue (although within the Muslim context…as it could be with in a Punjabi Sikh context, or an Arab context—honour killings occur within both Christian and Muslim families). Who knows that is an honor killing and not the murder of a daughter in a family with many other problems? In honor killings there is an alleged act of sexual transgression committed by the murdered. Where is the act? The idea that the dad murdered his girl solely over hijab…it is hard to swallow. By the way: This last week at the Dubai film festival I saw the very, very excellent film Magharat Maria (Maria’s Grotto) which deals with honor killing in the Palestian conext (4 cases, two of them Christian families) in a small area in the West Bank. It was a great film…it got a standing ovation when it finished. It is a drop in the bucket of the many voices that so many non-Muslims, *some over at Racialicious cough cough* do not want to hear of people speaking out against this sort of thing.I hope Maria’s Grotto comes to a theatre near you.
Waleykum salaam, luckyfatima. Duniya was the one who wrote the piece, actually, and she deserves the praise. Thanks for the heads up about Maria’s Grotto; it sounds really good!
From- http://www.nationalpost.com/story.html?id=169790It seems the hijab issue is a complete fabrication.”Ms. Tahir… expressed dismay at the “rumours” in the press, including speculation that it was conflict over wearing the hijab that triggered the alleged murder.The Tahirs did not know of any dispute over Aqsa wearing a hijab and said that the older Parvez sisters did not always wear the head scarf.“