what am I supposed to do?!?!?!

Time for me to book a flight to Dearborn, MI

[This comment has been edited to fit within moderation guidelines.]

Mod note: Broomstick, I know you didn’t mean it this way, but I removed the word “kaffir” because it’s taken on some very negative connotations when used by Muslims about non-Muslims. In the interest of keeping things “halal” (wink), I just substituted it with what I assumed you meant.

Yes, I was referring to a Western context. Sorry…I should have clarified that.

lol, what?

@ Tom: lol at the scrawny white dude.

@ Rocio Vega: Blue hair and six cats it is!

@ Broomstick: You would think that since so many women are suffering from the label, we’d do something about it. Shouldn’t something become accepted the more prevalent it is?

@ SakuraPassion: I’m guessing it’s because even if they understand some women choose not to get married, these women’s decision is seen as flawed, as in “poor women, they don’t know what they’re missing.” This also applies not only to marriage, but to childbirth.

@ Yusra: Thanks! I was being a bit sarcastic with the 21-year-old spinster thing, I still have a few years to go before I become one =)

Men over 30 can be virgins, just like women over 30 can be too. It depends on the person. In Egypt, men are getting married later and later because of the cost of marriage, check out this article In Egypt, love isn’t enough, which was written just last week .

Let me give you my own generalization/ opinion here: I think that a lot of Egyptian women right now simply don’t want to ‘work hard’ at a marriage, or ‘grow’ together. Many would rather marry older, richer men than young men who still don’t have an apartment, are still starting out in their careers etc. Likewise, the men that reach 30-35 and are now rich enough to get married don’t want to marry their counterparts but young women in their twenties.

@ Sobia: I think the phenomenon of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men is definitely not an ‘Arab’ phenomenon as of yet, and relates more to Muslim women in western societies.

However, having said that, some of the friends in my life who always tell me that I’m not too old and that I have plenty of time to find a partner are Muslim guys. Or maybe its that I just surround myself with like minded people

Mokhtar makes valid points and I hate the stigma (which is heightened for non-hijabis and ultra heightened for reasonably attractive, or stylish women) that women over 25 are “loose” but from an Islamic perspective, it makes absolute sense for women AND men to be married early. I’ve had men over 30 propose to me and I refused on the grounds that I know they ain’t virgins lmao, more to make a point than anything else. Like, I’d rather feel frigid than make out with someone just to get some, and sorry but I’m kinda convinced that waaaay more women than men share my view. THAT SAID, as a most of the time devout Muslima, I feel that pressure from myself and what I know to be right, regardless of society’s view. It’s only logical that sexual temptation becomes harder to resist when you grow into your womanhood or your manhood.

Men from very conservative or religious family backgrounds are also pressured to marry and looked down upon when they are not (how many sheiks do you know of over 30 who are not married), but even then it’s not comparable to the female case.

I think many more Muslim men and women would get married young if it were more practical, but many would rather wait to marry than live in their parents home while attending grad school,etc. And again, maybe I’m generalizing a little too much here, but from the female perspective, I think it has a lot more to do with finding the right person and being in the right place financially than playing around until your ready to settle down.

I think this is the most contentious issue facing Muslim women-much more than the hijab-because it has the potential to alter every aspect of life: career, reputation, passion, children, parents, Freedom…I hate it.

I think third wave feminists are also trying to reclaim the word “spinster.” I guess some people haven’t realized that women intentionally choose not to get married. Which is why I never really understood why they’re looked down upon.