Comments on: Husband(s) and Wife: Nadine Al Bedair Writes About Polgamy’s Double Standard http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/ Looking at Muslim women in the media and pop culture Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:25:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Carolina Hajjar http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7686 Carolina Hajjar Thu, 14 Jan 2010 12:20:59 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7686 Nadine Al Bedair is an amazing woman!She has the guts and the talent to say NO to what is unfair and YES to equality in a subtle and sarcastic way!!!!Change has to come from within, it cannot be exported! Nadine is the first hero but others will follow! Bravo Nadine et Bravo Al Masry Lyom!!! Nadine Al Bedair is an amazing woman!She has the guts and the talent to say NO to what is unfair and YES to equality in a subtle and sarcastic way!!!!Change has to come from within, it cannot be exported! Nadine is the first hero but others will follow!
Bravo Nadine et Bravo Al Masry Lyom!!!

]]> By: Sarah http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7685 Sarah Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:29:43 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7685 Polygyny is allowed so that a man can have more children and so that the surplus of women or the women of conquered tribes would be provided for, not so a man can have an escape from the "boredom" of the same old wife, as though buying a new car. There's already a natural imbalance in the gender ratio (usually 51% female, 49% male), and when you add in the fact that men are more frequently the victims of accidents, men are killed in warfare, men more frequently die prematurely, etc, it pushes the imbalance even higher, resulting in a surplus of women. It is really sad if men are marrying a second wife for such a shallow reason as sexual boredom. Perhaps the "boredom" is his fault rather than hers? It seems then these men are using a sensible religious tradition to do something senseless and selfish. Polygyny is allowed so that a man can have more children and so that the surplus of women or the women of conquered tribes would be provided for, not so a man can have an escape from the “boredom” of the same old wife, as though buying a new car. There’s already a natural imbalance in the gender ratio (usually 51% female, 49% male), and when you add in the fact that men are more frequently the victims of accidents, men are killed in warfare, men more frequently die prematurely, etc, it pushes the imbalance even higher, resulting in a surplus of women. It is really sad if men are marrying a second wife for such a shallow reason as sexual boredom. Perhaps the “boredom” is his fault rather than hers? It seems then these men are using a sensible religious tradition to do something senseless and selfish.

]]> By: Saudi Woman Challenges Male-Only Polygamy, Accused of Blasphemy :: Responsible for Equality And Liberty (R.E.A.L.) http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7684 Saudi Woman Challenges Male-Only Polygamy, Accused of Blasphemy :: Responsible for Equality And Liberty (R.E.A.L.) Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:38:03 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7684 [...] – Muslimah Media Watch: “Husband(s) and Wife: Nadine Al Bedair Writes About Polgamy’s Doub... [...] [...] – Muslimah Media Watch: “Husband(s) and Wife: Nadine Al Bedair Writes About Polgamy’s Doub… [...]

]]> By: Eman Hashim http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7683 Eman Hashim Wed, 06 Jan 2010 08:07:07 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7683 Suraya and Sumera, That's why I so much appreciate Al Bedair's trail. We might have our own reservations on her methos, but the aim is great. Which is to try to change how people look at the whole marriage matter, what our real problems are and how we are used to dealing with them. And this particular point can't be much affected by laws, it needs minds liberated from the expected always-used intellectual terrorism that Andy has mentioned in the comment and that can and will In shaa' Allah be fought by brave women who are ready to do whatever it takes to help making the change take place. Suraya and Sumera, That’s why I so much appreciate Al Bedair’s trail. We might have our own reservations on her methos, but the aim is great. Which is to try to change how people look at the whole marriage matter, what our real problems are and how we are used to dealing with them.
And this particular point can’t be much affected by laws, it needs minds liberated from the expected always-used intellectual terrorism that Andy has mentioned in the comment and that can and will In shaa’ Allah be fought by brave women who are ready to do whatever it takes to help making the change take place.

]]> By: “Me & My Four Husbands” « The Czech http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7682 “Me & My Four Husbands” « The Czech Wed, 06 Jan 2010 05:59:03 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7682 [...] Youm. Interestingly, their English language site does not include a translation of the article, but Muslimah Media Watch provides the first couple paragraphs in English, and after which the story was apparently picked up [...] [...] Youm. Interestingly, their English language site does not include a translation of the article, but Muslimah Media Watch provides the first couple paragraphs in English, and after which the story was apparently picked up [...]

]]> By: andy http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7681 andy Tue, 05 Jan 2010 23:29:08 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7681 Hi In the 21 century women are trying very hard to get any opprtunity to study, work and be indepandent. But it is not that easy for all races,some of them has been bloked under so called religion. Why women has so many boundries? why can;t they study, work and do what ever and be free like nen. i tell you why? from very begining, men put control on everything that women might want to do through religion. If you do this than ' GOD " will punish you..... that is why men always stopped women going to school or working, because if women don't know nothing than men will use them in any way they can.... I some countries women have come up and become som body but even while they are prime minister in their own countries, women in that countries get burnt,abused,killed,sold,used,etc. All I can say that Women, keep shouting, keep demanding, keep hoping ,keep dreaming ,and have faith in you. You have come this far, I am sure, you will make change. Change sometime has a price but it is for good future.... so why not kick ass Get your rights America has president now who has different color skin.. Anything and evrything can be done....... <strong>[This comment has been edited to fit within comment moderation guidelines.]</strong> Hi

In the 21 century women are trying very hard to get any opprtunity to study, work and be indepandent.
But it is not that easy for all races,some of them has been bloked under so called religion.
Why women has so many boundries?
why can;t they study, work and do what ever and be free like nen.
i tell you why?
from very begining, men put control on everything that women might want to do through religion.
If you do this than ‘ GOD ” will punish you…..
that is why men always stopped women going to school or working, because if women don’t know nothing than men will use them in any way they can….
I some countries women have come up and become som body but even while they are prime minister in their own countries, women in that countries get burnt,abused,killed,sold,used,etc.
All I can say that
Women, keep shouting, keep demanding, keep hoping ,keep dreaming ,and have faith in you.
You have come this far, I am sure, you will make change.
Change sometime has a price but it is for good future….
so why not kick ass
Get your rights
America has president now who has different color skin..
Anything and evrything can be done…….

[This comment has been edited to fit within comment moderation guidelines.]

]]> By: Suraya http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7680 Suraya Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:51:37 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7680 i wholeheartedly agreed with Sumera. and i am wishing to add,many men that i know whom wishing to practice polygamy are not in good position to do so.be it financially,mentally,and emotionally. many men feel bored with their wives and did not even try to improve it.and started to fish outside. instead of trying to solve problems,they finding for another problems. and i do not know any woman that wishing for than one husband. the feeling of sexing (sorry for the word) with more than one man at a time,does not feel good. unless if thats her job which would be another story. i wholeheartedly agreed with Sumera.

and i am wishing to add,many men that i know whom wishing to practice polygamy are not in good position to do so.be it financially,mentally,and emotionally.
many men feel bored with their wives and did not even try to improve it.and started to fish outside.
instead of trying to solve problems,they finding for another problems.

and i do not know any woman that wishing for than one husband. the feeling of sexing (sorry for the word) with more than one man at a time,does not feel good. unless if thats her job which would be another story.

]]> By: Sumera http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7679 Sumera Mon, 04 Jan 2010 12:49:23 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7679 Most often than not, polygyny is treated as an escape route by which they can abandon addressing difficulties/problems within a marriage. Most often than not, polygyny is treated as an escape route by which they can abandon addressing difficulties/problems within a marriage.

]]> By: Eman Hashim http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7678 Eman Hashim Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:57:34 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7678 Hello ladies. First of all, thank you all for commenting and discussing. I agree that when it comes to human practices, if people's matters are not supported by laws to regulate them, a lot of hassles can happen. In order to face such a problem, we need two parallel lines; people's minds and law amendments. Of course there have to be laws to protect people's rights when they are by any being taken from them and not just expect people to demand and grab them by their own hands. If that was the case, why would we have laws from the very beginning? But at least the way things here in Egypt is that people (both women and men) are dealing with the matter as if it is the default like there's no way to say no or to refuse it. For that matter, I think Al Bedair's article was special, because she was trying to address those who think polygamy is so "OK" Hello ladies. First of all, thank you all for commenting and discussing.
I agree that when it comes to human practices, if people’s matters are not supported by laws to regulate them, a lot of hassles can happen.
In order to face such a problem, we need two parallel lines; people’s minds and law amendments.

Of course there have to be laws to protect people’s rights when they are by any being taken from them and not just expect people to demand and grab them by their own hands. If that was the case, why would we have laws from the very beginning?

But at least the way things here in Egypt is that people (both women and men) are dealing with the matter as if it is the default like there’s no way to say no or to refuse it.

For that matter, I think Al Bedair’s article was special, because she was trying to address those who think polygamy is so “OK”

]]> By: Rochelle http://www.patheos.com/blogs/mmw/2009/12/husbands-and-wife-nadine-al-bedair-writes-about-polgamys-double-standard/#comment-7677 Rochelle Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:09:28 +0000 http://muslimahmediawatch.org/?p=5414#comment-7677 @antoine "this is why >95% of human societies has been polygynous" uh...reference, please? There are also many societies that practice polyandry, particularly in parts of the world with scarce natural resources, as it tends to limit population growth and decrease child morbidity. The problem with your argument is that you see marriage as fundamentally a financial/sexual contract: women want successful men to support them financially. This is not how it works anymore. You also assume that it is only men that have sexual desires that may spill out of a monogamous marriage. Men, in your view, have several options open to them to express their sexuality whereas women have next to none. Also, I wholeheartedly agree with Camila: guaranteeing access to divorce doesn't do shit, because often in countries that have legalized polygyny, women do not have custody rights to their children after divorce and other discriminatory laws prevent divorced women from sustaining themselves. @antoine

“this is why >95% of human societies has been polygynous”

uh…reference, please? There are also many societies that practice polyandry, particularly in parts of the world with scarce natural resources, as it tends to limit population growth and decrease child morbidity.

The problem with your argument is that you see marriage as fundamentally a financial/sexual contract: women want successful men to support them financially. This is not how it works anymore. You also assume that it is only men that have sexual desires that may spill out of a monogamous marriage. Men, in your view, have several options open to them to express their sexuality whereas women have next to none.

Also, I wholeheartedly agree with Camila: guaranteeing access to divorce doesn’t do shit, because often in countries that have legalized polygyny, women do not have custody rights to their children after divorce and other discriminatory laws prevent divorced women from sustaining themselves.

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