I know. I’ve wasted more than my share of those precious minutes racing down the hour glass of my life pondering what if.
Usually it is a deeply personal enterprise. What if I hadn’t done that? What if I had done that? What if?
Then there are those big historical things. What if the Spanish armada had defeated the rag tag English fleet?
And, then there’s one of my favorites. I see that the Emperor Julian was killed in battle on this day in 363 (at least according to one calendar buff). He was well on his way to establishing a pagan church that might actually rival the Christians.
Of course, kind of like purchasing a lottery ticket. Probably okay if the purpose is to enjoy five minutes or so of fantasy.
Not so good if one is putting big bucks down in a desperate attempt at saving one’s bacon.
When I am forced to consider all the things that led to my life as it is, while there are more than a few regrets (and anyone who says they have no regrets are either very good at denial or sociopaths) I am so enormously grateful for the what is.
Today is the thirty-second anniversary of my marriage to Jan Seymour-Ford.
I know from the bottom of my life that I cannot wish away a single thing that led to meeting her and marrying her.
Such good fortune in this what is.
And for which, I sing into the great dark, into the mysterious dance of the universe,
From the bottom of my heart,