One of Those Moments: Another of Zen’s Small Intimations

One of Those Moments: Another of Zen’s Small Intimations March 27, 2017

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I was at a retreat with my teacher John Tarrant, one of many held at St Dorothy’s Rest, a somewhat run down Episcopalian retreat facility in Camp Meeker, up in the redwoods of Sonoma county. We were in the interview room each sitting on pillows in the interview room, knee to knee.

It was a period after I’d “clicked” with koans. And, I was responding to his questions, one after another. Like the old line “two arrows meeting in mid-air.” Then he paused, looked at me, and smiled wickedly. John leaned in to me; I could smell the black tea he preferred on his breath.

And he almost whispered it. “Even enlightenment is just an idea.”

It caught my breath. Trying to put words to the next moments is probably a lost cause. But, it was as if all the words in my head just tumbled out on to the ground. And the world fell away.

John was sitting there. Just this. I was sitting there. Just this. Knee to knee. Just this. The smell of black tea mixing with the mildew in the room. Just this. Through the single window in the room I could see the tendrils of fog circling around the trees. That picture had always reminded me of Chinese paintings. Now. Just this.

No past. No present. No future. No self. No other. I had nothing to say. I had no need to. John picked up the bell that rested at his side, and rang it. I thought he had the slightest of smiles. I bowed and left the room.

I’ve had many experiences in my life that have been terribly important to the person I have become. This was something more. Or, perhaps, it wasn’t anything at all.

It was just this. It is just this.


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