I have an addiction to porn…

I have an addiction to porn.
I’m busy going to a support group and the 12step process.
I’m currently on probation – church wise that is.
My wife and I have been wondering how do we now fix the physical side of our marriage?
My wife has been sick for many years on and off.
She is overweight and does not consider herself “sexy”.
I’m not sure how to switch on the desire and keep it in check.

Is there a sex or couples therapist in your area you could work with?
If I was working with you:
I would want to assess whether or not you meet the criteria for “addiction” language or if your behavior is, instead, unwanted or impulsive.  Many people wrongly diagnose themselves and some labels are not necessarily healthy especially if they are not accurate.
I would want to assess and explore with both you and your wife what you deem “sexual success.”
I would want to explore body image issues as well as both of your sexual development stories.
I would want to explore how your wife’s illness has affected not only her but your family system as a whole.
I would want to help you both become more sexually authentic and help you claim your sexual selves.
These would be things I would encourage you to explore.

  • Robert Davis

    As a therapist based in Southern California who works in Lifestar Network, a sexual “addiction” recovery program, and has served as a Regional Director here for the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program (ARP), I concur with everything that was suggested. The advice was spot on. I would also recommend that you explore why you have felt the need to look at pornography. A good 4th Step “fearless moral written inventory” will shed light on that. As someone who works in this field, sexual “addiction” is not about sex.

  • MormonisLIES

    My advice is to stop writing in italics, you’re not writing a poem

    • A K

      I think Natasha posts the question in italics to more clearly distinguish it from her answer.

  • jerry

    The Church has a new, terrific website called “Overcoming PornographyThrough the Atonement of Jesus Christ” http://www.OvercomingPornography.org – I highly recommend it.

    • Bitter Lizard

      I clicked on that and it took me directly to a porn site. I have been free of these demons for going on four months now but you just triggered a relapse. Thanks for ruining my life.

      • Laurie

        I clicked on the link and it took me to the church website. No porn.

  • CO Mind Body Counseling

    Better Lizard – Dude that was mean. Anyway, if you are in the area and need a counselor specializing in this type of treatment, check out http://www.comindbodycounseling.com in Parker, CO.

  • Shawn Tucker

    Switching desire on and off is easy. When you want sexual desire, think of your wife, what you love about her, and what attracted you to her. When you don’t want sexual desire think about children, or, more specifically the high chair that you have to own if you have children, a high chair that looks like a hazardous waste training facility and that makes normal people (read: people without children) never, ever want to consume organic matter again. (That was all just meant as a joke. Of course none of it is that easy.)

  • Guest

    My husband and I recently had a conversation that seemed to open a can of worms. We recently moved out of Utah where porn, sexual advertisements, etc are everywhere. I am a very jealous person and even seeing my husband notice a Victoria’s Secret poster gets my blood boiling. I feel like he wishes I looked like that. I feel like he is more aroused by that woman than myself. My self esteem goes down. He recently told me that every once in a while he will do a google image search of bikinis. This made me very self conscious and angry at him. Silly, I know, it isn’t even porn, but WHY would he need to do this when our sex life is pretty regular and good? He also has mentioned wanting to watch a few shows on HBO knowing they have nudity in them and I just can’t get myself to be okay with it. When he sees these images won’t he think of those women instead of me particularly when we are having sex? If I had more of a model body would he not do this? Is there anyway around it or do we just have to throw up our hands and say, “he’s just a guy”. Or am I just being the ultimate prude?


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