Morality? We can do much better than this…

I was shocked to read the most recent article on sexual morality that was just published in the March 2014 issue of the Ensign by Elder Tad R. Callister regarding a recent fireside he gave at BYU-Idaho, and have spoken with several other LDS professional therapists who were shocked as well.  I do not take the critique of a standing General Authority's position lightly - but I cannot stand silent on what I see as an extremely harmful approach to the sexual education of our members.  Here are some … [Read more...]

Teaching about Chastity to the Youth

This is an email I wrote in reply to the Young Women's presidency in my ward wanting some feedback as to good quotes/resources for teaching about chastity - which is the theme this month.  So this is the quick email I responded with: sorry it's written in a somewhat discombobulated way:I know which scripture should NOT be read is the one in Moroni 9:9.  That is a rape/pillaging scripture and should not be used to teach about normal sexual development/exploration.My main concerns with t … [Read more...]

Part of Panel on Mormon Matters re Virtue

I was recently involved on a panel discussion over at Mormon Matters regarding "virtue."  Here is the description from Dan Wotherspoon:So often in Mormon discourse, the term “virtue” is treated almost exclusively as relating to sexual purity, chastity, and virginity, completely missing its much broader and wonderfully expansive meanings. Similarly, most talk about “morality,” “passion,” “modesty,” and “sensuality” are spoken about almost solely in terms of sexuality. We receive, without caref … [Read more...]

My spouse wants a divorce but I don’t…

I've been married 32+ years to a wonderful woman.  We married early, she was 20 and I was 24.  We were both in college but her family was critical and unsupportive when she was baptized (prior to dating me): she felt very alone.  When we began dating, I was in heaven; she was [is] so beautiful and I felt so lucky that she would have anything to do with me.  It wasn't long before I popped the question but she did not give me an answer right away.  I think I understood this as there was so much goi … [Read more...]

Impact Of and Healing From Infidelity

Check out my latest podcast on Mormon Mental Health where I interview Adam Fisher, regarding infidelity and its implications for marital and family systems.  We discuss different forms of betrayal/infidelity, how couples can navigate through the tremendous pain which follows, how some marriages will dissolve and other marriages survive and even thrive after such an event and the importance of taking time to heal, to rebuild trust and to develop boundaries.Adam Fisher is a doctoral student in … [Read more...]

Review of “Ashamed No More”

Patheos invited me to review Ashamed No More by T. C. Ryan who writes about his own life experience battling sexual compulsive behavior from adolescence on while simultaneously serving his church as a senior pastor for 20 years.  The first half of the book does a thorough job of describing the "set up" many religious people find themselves in as they strive to live the standards and principles of their faith - specifically by clarifying the relationship between inner shaming and the inescapable s … [Read more...]

How can I go to the temple if I’m still masturbating?

So, I just made a donation and am really only looking for an answer via e-mail, unless you think it isn't beating a dead horse to keep talking about it. I am a single, LDS woman, age 31, and I have had issues with...well, I am too embarrassed to even type it. You can imagine how relieved I was to see your blog post and what a weight I feel is lifted from my shoulders. I know your view isn't the official view of the Church but to hear someone who believes the same things as me say I am okay … [Read more...]

My Official Stance on Masturbation

What about masturbation if you are endowed and unmarried? I am 29 and have my endowments and have this problem.  I am trying to stop the guilt and tell myself it is ok but is it?The following post is extremely important for me personally and the opinions I will share have been 7-10 years in the making.   I know I have alluded to my stances on masturbation in the past - but largely within the context of marriage and/or parenting small children.  This has largely been due to my not wanting to t … [Read more...]

I’ve started masturbating and I don’t know what to do…

I need help.... I started masturbating about 6 months ago.  I am really struggling to stop.  I never experienced climax like this in my whole life until I experimented with a vibrator I have that is for neck pain.  It is really amazing... but I am a spiritual person and LDS.  I am just so confused.  I have read your website over and over... I just don't know what to do.  I feel that I am not worthy anymore and I get so weak and am left wanting to feel climax.  My husband understands but he doesn' … [Read more...]

I am suffering from premature ejaculation…

I am currently suffering from premature ejaculation, a problem which is negatively impacting my sexual relationship with my wife. I wish I was a "minute-man" -- I'm more like a "30-second-man"! I've been prescribed Paxil, which has helped, but I don't like the way SSRIs make me feel, and I'd rather not become dependent on them for sexual function. At the very least, I'd like to start incorporating other techniques such as kegel exercises and edging in addition to medication in my attempt to … [Read more...]