The Mormon Therapist

Conversions by Craig Harline

Natasha Helfer Parker — Fri, 17 May 2013 23:15:34 +0000

I was recently part of this great bookclub discussion. Very interesting and well written book about the conversion process for individuals and its effects on family systems.

Conversions: Two Family Stories from the Reformation and Modern America with Craig Harline

Craig Harline, a native of California, is a cultural historian and a professor of history at BYU. He teaches courses on the Reformation, the history of civilization, film, and Christianity. He has also taught seminars on miracles and toleration and persecution.

Book Description from www.amazon.com:

This powerful and innovative work by a gifted cultural historian explores the effects of religious conversion on family relationships, showing how the challenges of the Reformation can offer insight to families facing similarly divisive situations today.

Craig Harline begins with the story of young Jacob Rolandus, the son of a Dutch Reformed preacher, who converted to Catholicism in 1654 and ran away from home, causing his family to disown him. In the companion story, Michael Sunbloom, a young American, leaves his family’s religion in 1973 to convert to Mormonism, similarly upsetting his distraught parents. The modern twist to Michael’s story is his realization that he is gay, causing him to leave his new church, and upsetting his parents again—but this time the family reconciles.

Recounting these stories in short, alternating chapters, Harline underscores the parallel aspects of the two far-flung families. Despite different outcomes and forms, their situations involve nearly identical dynamics and heart-wrenching choices. Through the author’s deeply informed imagination, the experiences of a seventeenth-century European family are transformed into immediately recognizable terms.

Mother’s Day and Family Relationships

Natasha Helfer Parker — Sun, 12 May 2013 00:54:03 +0000

Wherever there is the potential for joy, therein also lies the potential for pain. And so here we are on the eve of yet another mother’s day. After working with so many women (and men) over so many years – I have come to understand this is a complicated day. After all, we are women coming to the table with varying, complicated experiences. For many, mother’s day at church is one of the only places they find the edification, support and recognition so helpful in carrying on with the day-to-day struggles and challenges they inevitably face through parenting. It can also serve as a place to honor loving relationships and show gratitude. For others, mother’s day at church only serves as a sore reminder of hurtful relationships, unmet expectations or grief. Often mother’s day brings a mix of both positive and negative possibilities. So as we endeavor to approach this topic at church: how do we go about our messages in a way that can be inclusive and respectful to all? How do we celebrate with those who have joy, help carry burdens for those who find pain and simultaneously tolerate our own anxiety as others may feel, think and even worship differently than us on a day such as Mother’s Day? It is a challenge for sure – a challenge we could all ponder as we prepare the talks, lessons and comments we will share with one another.

I have these thoughts on my mind as I prepare my Relief Society lesson for tomorrow and this is what I have come up with. Please feel free to leave comments which would add to these ideas or point out things I might be leaving out. Thank you.

Sacred Family Relationships

Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow

My Favorite Quotes of the Lesson:

“Those connections formed here, that are of the most enduring character, shall exist in eternity.”

“See that the little, trifling misunderstandings in domestic concerns do not poison your happiness.”

“The Lord is merciful and kind, and He is not unjust. There is no injustice in Him.”

Words I picked out from Snow when it comes to functioning as a family: ”be kindly and Godlike, gentle, kneel down in each other’s presence in prayer, be a source of comfort and welfare, manifest feelings of gratitude, affection, teach by example and precept, have faith, and be a source of energy.”

My Favorite Scriptures from the Lesson:

Bring up your children in light and truth. Doctrine & Covenants 93:40

And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted… And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew it was desirable above all other fruit. 1 Nephi 8:10-12

Questions to Ask Ourselves:

Did I notice that Snow mentions “connections,” when speaking of eternal relationships – not qualifying by family relationships only. What does this imply for the relationships in my life?

How does a lesson on family relationships become complicated when we all bring our varying stories to the table? Do I take time to think about all the different forms and shapes a family takes? Expectations that are and are not met? How do we factor in abusive or toxic relationships people may not want to have eternal associations with – yet feel bound by a sense of duty or expected forgiveness? What about homosexuality, infertility, being single in the church, pregnancy out of wedlock, not wanting pregnancy, etc., etc. etc. In what ways does the doctrine of eternal relationships help and comfort or pressure and scare me and others? How are we using this sacred doctrine to benefit our understanding, feel peace and grow closer to Heavenly Parents – instead of using it to self-depracate or measure ourselves against some unrealistic measuring stick that families are only of worth if they fit into a certain package?

What types of relational skills do I have and how do I build upon these? What role do each one of us play as we try to stay united as a family? What do I know about the terms “radical acceptance” or “differentiation” when it comes to psychological terms dealing with family systems? How do we balance unconditional love with boundaries also necessary to enjoy successful parenting, marriages and extended family relationships?

How do we know the difference between enduring small annoyances (healthy) and enduring ongoing abuse (unhealthy)?

How do we honor the institutions of marriage and family and teach about them to our children in a way that does not set them up for false expectations or a sense of lost identity if things don’t pan out as one would have wanted or hoped?

I know that the “tree of life” Lehi speaks of has specific symbology in LDS language. However, how do we expand this “tree” and “fruit” to include anything of value and worth which we wish to share with our loved ones?

Am I using anything in this lesson against myself inappropriately? How can I reframe my thoughts to allow for progress I’d like to make while celebrating how far I’ve already come?

Bipolar

Natasha Helfer Parker — Fri, 03 May 2013 04:33:42 +0000

Written by LDS poet, Kerri B. with permission to publish.

Bipolar

Every emotion so strong
Feeling everything and every moment
Ups and downs and in betweens
Coloring my world

Joy and heartbreak
Energized and drained
Passion and apathy
Never knowing what the day will bring

Days, weeks, months in tears
Then fine
Driving others away
No, pay attention to me

Sex drive up
Sex drive gone
Angry at everything
I want to scream

Depression swallowing me whole
Misery so complete there’s no light
Hopeless, falling forever
Longing for a knife

Then a switch is flipped and I’m fine
Now a new emotion is center stage
Anger, frustration, elation, distraction
Spin a wheel, what comes next?

Up so high, energy abound
Self control a thing of the past
Mind jumping from thought to thought
Sleep a foreign idea

Irritation and exasperation
Nothing is okay
Voices grate down my spine
Just shut up!

This thing pains my days, my life
Bringing frustration and agitation,
But also feeling to every moment
Feelings that I’m afraid to do without

Memories of medication after medication
Taking away my self, my center
Becoming an automation
Just going through the motions

Fearing what to do next
One option seems as bad as the next
Can’t think, can’t concentrate
How can I thrive?
No…
Just survive?

A Look at Abortion through a Mormon Lens

Natasha Helfer Parker — Wed, 01 May 2013 04:34:45 +0000

Check out my latest podcast on Mormon Mental Health:

Natasha Helfer Parker interviews Kristin Hodson regarding her experience as a member of the church who chose to have an abortion in her teens. This is not meant to be a pro-choice or pro-life discussion. The purpose of this podcast is to share a personal story in the hopes of reaching other members of our church who have been affected by abortion in one way or another, and offer a supportive and safe space to explore this topic. Both Kristin and Natasha are concerned that many who make this choice, either for reasons sanctioned by the church or not, end up not feeling comfortable within the church community – with many going inactive. There is no formal support group within the church which they are aware of, and therefore are concerned that the overall silence which surrounds abortion has harmful taboo implications.

Making this podcast is a huge personal step for Kristin. Mormon Mental Health wants to respect the courage it takes to to be willing to put herself out in front of public scrutiny in this way. Therefore, MMH will be very careful in screening incoming comments. We welcome opposing points of view – however, they need to be written respectfully in order to be published.

Kristin Hodson is a psychotherapist as well as founder and executive director of The Healing Group and co-author of the newly published book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality. She has been on the radio, television and contributes regularly to various media outlets.

Other Resources:

exhaleprovoice.org

The Healing Choice: Your Guide to Emotional Recover after an Abortion

If you’re looking for further help, Kristin has offered to take direct email messages at: anemailfromkristin@gmail.com

The Power of Kindness

Natasha Helfer Parker — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:09:01 +0000

Relief Society Lesson I taught on November 11, 2012

From Teachings of Presidents of the Church: George Albert Smith, Lesson 21

My Favorite Quotes from the Lesson:

I pray that the love of the gospel of our Lord will burn in our souls and enrich our lives, that it will cause husbands to be kinder to wives, and wives to be kinder to husbands, parents to children, and children to parents because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is a gospel of love and kindness.

Remember all the days of your life that you can find good in everyone if you will but look for it.

Every influence for peace ought to be exercised.

The Spirit of the Lord is a spirt of kindness; it is a spirit of patience; it is a spirit of charity and love and forbearance and long suffering; and there are none of us who do not need all these virtues that are the result of the possession of the Spirit of our Heavenly Parents.

As a people we are advised not to be critical, not to be unking, not to speak harshly of those with whom we associate. We ought to be the greatest exemplars in all the world in that regard.

My favorite Scriptures from the Lesson:

Love is of God… If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us… God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in god, and God in him… There is no fear in love… And this commandment have we from him, That she who loveth God love her sister also. 1 John 4:7, 12, 16, 18, 21

Questions to Ask Ourselves:

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in they sister’s eye, but considers not the beam that is in thine own eye. Matthew 7:1-4. It is oftentimes easier to see the failings and mistakes of others than it is to see my own. However, Christ being without sin and therefore entitled to condemn, chose a different path when dealing with the woman taken in adultery. He not only risked his reputation and stood up for her, protecting her – he also forgave her. Why then do I, who have sinned, often feel justified in placing judgment on others I see as mistaken or failing?

When dealing with our own mistakes, we often crave and appreciate empathy from others. Can I commit to keeping this at the forefront of my life as I come into contact with others who crave and appreciate similar sentiments?

The word “judgement” has many definitions. So what does it mean when the Lord exhorts us to not judge one another? ”The capacity to assess situations in order to draw sound conclusions” is different than “the act of disapproving or condemning a person.” (thefreedictionary.com)

I often find myself in a position where I will need to be a guidance to children. How does the principle of kindness help me in those relationships as well?

Am I using anything in this lesson against myself? How can I reframe my thoughts to allow for progress I’d like to make while celebrating how far I’ve already come?

It was interesting that this lesson was taught at the height of the political elections taking place so we also discussed the church’s respectful and kind response to Obama’s win:

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/statement-on-election-result

Part of Panel on Mormon Matters re Virtue

Natasha Helfer Parker — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 04:10:56 +0000

I was recently involved on a panel discussion over at Mormon Matters regarding “virtue.” Here is the description from Dan Wotherspoon:

So often in Mormon discourse, the term “virtue” is treated almost exclusively as relating to sexual purity, chastity, and virginity, completely missing its much broader and wonderfully expansive meanings. Similarly, most talk about “morality,” “passion,” “modesty,” and “sensuality” are spoken about almost solely in terms of sexuality. We receive, without careful parsing, statements about how molestation and rape victims have been deprived of “that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue” (Moroni 9:9). Messaging and publications for youth still put forth the idea that sexual sins are “next to murder” in seriousness, never mind that this idea is based upon highly questionable scriptural exegesis and a failure to recognize horrendous evils that can’t even come close to approaching soul dangers associated with sexual experimentation and slip up. And rarely do we encounter public teaching that considers all those within the listening audience for whom extreme rhetoric about sexual sin will be harmful and discouraging, and who because of such messaging will more likely be driven away from a sense of their being deserving of God’s love and LDS community fellowship.

Why is it so difficult for us to talk forthrightly and in healthy ways about sexuality, especially in teaching our youth? Why do we imagine willful ignorance about our bodies and sexual response and pleasures as admirable? How can we bring into LDS families and communal teaching the best thinking and practices about teaching healthy sexuality to our youth and young adults, and also aid those who are married and sexually active yet may still hold negative views about themselves as sexual beings? (And none of this research and best thinking requires the encouragement of sex outside of marriage.) Mormonism has great theological teachings about the body and about sex. Why are we failing to communicate the big picture when it comes to the messaging we give? How might we do better?

In this episode, Natasha Helfer Parker, Margaret Blair Young, Micah Nickolaisen, and Lisa Butterworth join Mormon Matters host Dan Wotherspoon in a frank and forthright discussion of these and other aspects of how to talk in healthier ways about sexuality.

My spouse wants a divorce but I don’t…

Natasha Helfer Parker — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 16:15:02 +0000

I’ve been married 32+ years to a wonderful woman. We married early, she was 20 and I was 24. We were both in college but her family was critical and unsupportive when she was baptized (prior to dating me): she felt very alone. When we began dating, I was in heaven; she was [is] so beautiful and I felt so lucky that she would have anything to do with me. It wasn’t long before I popped the question but she did not give me an answer right away. I think I understood this as there was so much going on with her family and we were both in school, and I must have seemed like a loon to propose with no major financial prospects on the horizon. Three months later she surprised me on my birthday with a “yes” pointing out that months earlier before we began dating she had a dream about me and from what I recall of it, she concluded that she had been told by Heavenly Father that she should marry me.

With so much stress from her family and then mine, we eloped to the temple and were married with two temple workers and the matron as witnesses. Not exactly a fairy tale. Since she and I had never been intimate before marriage with each other or anyone else, I can only relate my first sexual experience that night as indescribable. I knew that I loved her with all my heart and have been “addicted” to making love to her over the years and none else, physically, emotionally and loving her in every way that a husband feels he should.

I eventually left school to work after getting only an associates degree while she completed her bachelors. We had a child and my wife decided she wanted to go to law school. We relocated to another part of the country, where I was hired by the first company I interviewed at, a month or so before my wife and daughter moved out to the apartment I rented. While in law school she had our son and at graduation she was given a standing ovation while she held him in her arms to get her diploma.

It’s now been 32+ years since we eloped to the temple. In that time we’ve seen three marriage counselors (non LDS). At the first counselor my wife turned to me and said, “…When we got married, I didn’t love you.” This crushed me. I had loved only her and while I am not the brightest bulb in the box, my heart and devotion to her never wavered. Since then, we’ve seen two other counselors and it has become easier for her to say to me when I ask her how she feels about me,“It’s complicated” instead of “I love you”. Most recently, her words were, “I don’t need a man in my life” and “I can’t see me being married to you for eternity” (her words). And why not? She makes 3 times what I make and that makes me unnecessary, right?. Her mother passed away a
few years back, bitter against her husband for reasons I’m not fully aware of (and some I am), and my wife said she does not want to end up like her mother, bitter for the rest of her life. She constantly points out that we have only two children and our Church membership in common, nothing else. During counseling sessions I too found it impossible to note any common interests, even though over the years I attempted to reinvent myself, something that I was not able to do to her satisfaction. She has plans with other [women] friends/clients to vacation abroad without me. I was specifically told with regards to one of these trips that I was NOT invited. Often every week, she rebuffs me, refuses to engage in conversations and will almost without exception rejects me when I as for sex. Masturbation is not an option for me even though out of curiosity when I asked for her permission to do so, she said to go right ahead. My bishop is fully aware of what is going on but it seems bishops have gotten out of the business of counseling couples in marriage. When I asked my wife if she would see an LDS marriage counselor she responded with , “Really? A fourth?”. It turns out the only one in our area is our daughter’s age so she is off our list now too (I have to agree.). She rarely goes to church anymore and while I know some of that is from her demanding work load, most of it is personal; I usually sit alone in the back at church. I know she is struggling with certain aspects of her testimony. She no longer believes that dream she had of me so long ago as credible direction from God that we should have married and as such, with no romantic love for me, there is no reason to remain married to me. I work a couple of times a month in our temple, but I always go alone. I see happy couples at church (though I know not everyone is…) playing off of one another and at the temple holding hands, smiling at each other. Such scenes crush my soul and I often turn away and withdraw to stem the flood of pain in my heart. I refrain from pornography, masturbation, flirting with other women because I know indulging would be wrong. We’ve slept in separate rooms for years, yet I long to be touched and held. The periods of depression have been severe. I can’t say that I haven’t thought of taking my life at times, but I am sobered up by what that would to do my [grown] children and other family members. I know that would be a very bad path. As a kid growing up in a inactive-part member family, I had always thought that blessings in the Celestial kingdom and missions were for others like my friends whose families were active in the Church and did everything right. I did not fit that mold. Only after some “divine” intervention did I serve a mission. It was then that I found that I too could “receive all that the Father hath”. Yet today, I feel unlovable and destined to live out not only my days but eternity alone. I have perhaps the greatest empathy for those who have never married yet want to be. My heart goes out to those who have lost a spouse they loved and were loved by. There is a special sister whom I strongly admire who serves in the temple with me sometimes who lost her husband. She chooses to go to the temple; she does not raise a clinched fist towards heaven but bows before the Lord humbly serving with devotion. I feel so conflicted when I see the good examples of others when I focus so much on my own pain. Going to the temple is the ONLY respite there is in my life. The comfort afterwards lasts but a few days or hours but the effort to get to and serve in the temple is worth it.

The most recent comments my wife has made is that she thinks we should wait until next summer to divorce as that would place less stress on our son. Whether or not I agree with her time table, I am doing my best to take life a day at a time. I have come to understand that she is entitled to her free agency. I also know that she never fell in love with me and that’s likely not her fault but probably my taking advantage of a 20 year old girl who was struggling to cope with a hateful family when she joined the Church. I love my wife but I must admit with many, many years of rejection from her and being told she does not want me, I don’t know how much I am still “in love” with her. We never fight. We would probably make better friends than spouses.

My bishop asked me just recently if I thought I would remarry. I said only if there was someone out there who could love me back. My wife has made up her mind and it seems that she is just waiting for me to “come around” to her way of thinking. She’s an attorney who knows all the details of divorce in our state and is probably mentally prepared for it. I am sure I am in denial, afraid of losing the one thing in life I have wanted so much. There is no one I can talk with (the bishop can only listen so much before he’s heard it all before) and about something that I don’t want telegraphed in my ward or stake, I cannot confide with anyone we both know. I want her to be able to come and go to church when the time comes that she feels she wants to get more active and so I would move to another ward or stake so she can have her privacy. It seems the less of me around might help her come back to church since she acquaints me with the Church so closely.In closing, I am so very lonely and cannot find where I fit in if I even do. I thought we ‘were that we might have joy’ especially when you work so hard to do what’s right. I need to follow the example of the sister in the temple who pushes on despite [possible] despair.

One of the most painful situations to be in is a marriage where love and intimacy are not reciprocated. In fact, what you describe is an emotionally abusive and neglectful relationship. Here are some thoughts:

It is very difficult to know how to move forward when one partner wants the relationship to continue while the other is wanting a divorce. Your comments on agency are correct. At some level, regardless how much we may want to love our spouse, we don’t get to stay married unless both people are committed and willing. This is one of the hardest principles of marriage – so much is out of our control. We trust another person with our heart, our vulnerability, our goals/dreams, our loyalty and our future. Sometimes that trust and leap of faith really pays off – other times it tragically does not. If your wife is already convinced she wants a divorce and is moving forward in that direction, there is little you will be able to do to convince her otherwise. Especially when it sounds to me like she has been moving in that direction for many years – making this a chronic situation. It sounds like her main motivations for continuing at this point have to do with the sake of your children and possibly religious reasons she now is also pulling away from.
It becomes in your best interest then to figure out what you do have control over. Mainly yourself – and how you can go forward in a healing way. I notice lots of self-depracting comments towards yourself. Usually self-esteem takes a big hit in emotionally abusive relationships. I recommend you begin individual sessions with a trained therapist to help you address issues of self worth, appropriate boundaries going forward, learning how to advocate for yourself and facing acceptance of your wife’s choices. AAMFT.org is a good resource in helping you find a therapist in your geographical region.
It is important to not fall into the trap of re-writing our history in ways that are unhealthy. For example you mention “my taking advantage of a 20 year old girl who was struggling to cope with a hateful family when she joined the Church.” Nothing of what you report supports this statement. It sounds like you pursued and dated a love interest, eventually taking the risk of asking for her hand in marriage. It sounds like you respected the space she needed to make that decision. Whatever reasons she had for answering in the affirmative at that point of her life are not your responsibility. She was an adult and she made the decision to accept your proposal. If she made the decision to marry you for other reasons than being in love – that falls on her. And remember, she may be re-writing her history as well. Usually the process of choosing a spouse has many complicated factors – many happening at a sub-conscious level.
Staying married in a chronically abusive relationship is not healthy for the entire family system. Often people will say “I’m willing to work on this marriage for the sake of the children” – a great reason to put forth a truly concerted effort and an important time to start marital therapy (hopefully lasting at least 10-12 months). Our children deserve for us to make this type of effort. However, children are not a sustainable reason to stay together long term. And if all they have as a role model for marital intimacy is the neglectful or abusive relationship of their parents – this can harm them as much as divorce. They learn the same strategies and coping mechanisms being modeled and have a higher likelihood to repeat such patterns in their own marriages.
When a marriage dissolves, you are no longer responsible to take a compromising role in the relationship. In other words, your wife’s testimony and her ability to engage with the church will not be your issue. I encourage you to make decisions going forward that help you have the support and network you need to thrive – instead of making decisions as to what you might assume would be in the best interest of your wife. The only area it is still important to be civil, respectful and able to work together is in co-parenting efforts.
It sounds like you have been in a sexless marriage for a significant period of time. I’m impressed that you and your wife were able to discuss options such as masturbation – since she was not willing to share herself sexually with you. It is my position that couples have the right to figure out their sexual boundaries and activities as a couple. Therefore, if she is comfortable with you masturbating and you have no other sexual outlet in your marriage – this can be a healthy compromise until you both figure out more relational ways to be sexual (either with each other or in another relationship).
It was a red flag to me that you said you were “addicted” to your sexual relationship with your wife. It is perfectly normal and healthy to have or want robust and frequent sexuality within marital bonds. In fact it is important on many different levels: marital bonding, stress reduction, physical health, etc. I’m afraid you are shaming yourself inappropriately by feeling you had a sexual need your wife did not share or reciprocate.
It will be important to reframe your relationship in a positive way. Often we speak of divorce as a “failed marriage.” I believe this is shortsighted. Regardless of what happens in a marriage – it is definitely a learning laboratory. It is also a place where your children were born. There is much to be celebrated and take with us from all of life’s experiences. I’m not trying to minimize the pain and sorrow that comes with divorce – I’m just saying it is important to look at the process in terms more encompassing and compassionate than “failure.”
Get assessed and treatment for possible clinical depression.
Get good legal advice.

I’m glad to hear that going to the temple is a refuge for you. I hope you can find other resources to help you during this difficult and painful time (your bishop, friends and family, a good therapist, home teachers, spiritual practice, etc.).

The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Constance Ahrons is a good resource.

Sunstone Symposium in Kirtland, Ohio

Natasha Helfer Parker — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 03:56:47 +0000

I will be presenting at the upcoming Sunstone Kirtland Conference in Ohio taking place this coming weekend. I will be speaking in regards to how faith transitions can be normalized by viewing them through a developmental model and identity formation lens. Still time to register.

Symposium Registration

I added this further explanation as a comment:

I use the term faith transition to describe any type of conversion process – whether towards or away from any religious or spiritual practice or belief system. Usually in religious communities conversion towards the faith is celebrated while conversion away from the faith is villainized. My agenda will be to normalize this process both for individuals and the religious community itself. I’ll be doing this by looking at how identity is formed for individuals specifically taking into account developmental stages we all go through at different points of our lives. Hope that clarifies a bit.

Impact Of and Healing From Infidelity

Natasha Helfer Parker — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:53:51 +0000

Check out my latest podcast on Mormon Mental Health where I interview Adam Fisher, regarding infidelity and its implications for marital and family systems. We discuss different forms of betrayal/infidelity, how couples can navigate through the tremendous pain which follows, how some marriages will dissolve and other marriages survive and even thrive after such an event and the importance of taking time to heal, to rebuild trust and to develop boundaries.

Adam Fisher is a doctoral student in counseling psychology, with minors in human sexuality and sport psychology. He writes for Kinsey Confidential, the sexual health and information site of the Kinsey Institute. Adam has completed clinical training in many secular and religious settings, including Catholic Charities and LDS Family Services. He is currently working on his dissertation, investigating predictors of divorce when one partner experiences a change in religious beliefs or activity.

Other resources:

After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring

Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley P Glass

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples by John Gottman

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

Mindfulness and Sexuality

Natasha Helfer Parker — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 15:15:42 +0000

On this most recent podcast of Mormon Mental Health Natasha Helfer Parker gets a non-Mormon perspective and interviews sex educator, Jennifer “Dr. Jenn” Gunsaullus, Ph.D. on the process of mindfulness and how we can use it to edify our sexual relationships with self and spouse.

Dr. Jenn is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression. Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives.

Mindfulness and Sexuality

Dr. Jenn’s Den