Islam, Therapy Dogs and Autism – In Search of a Constant Companion

It started, as I usually does, with the yearning for something better for D – something that would provide him comfort, security and companionship, something or someone who would be allowed in to his physical space when the rest of us were pushed out.

With my nieces spending the weekend with us at the house, D had spent most of the day in and out of the family picture — sometimes venturing to be in the same room with and interact with his cousins, and sometimes retreating to the safe space of our bedroom, where he could be alone. The day passed well enough.

But, by the time evening settled in, he was all about the alone, and nothing about the family.

When I went into the room, he would get up and leave for another.

By the time bedtime came, he was an anxious, upset mess, wanting to sleep yet fighting it with distress. I walked into his room, hoping to be a comforting presence, only to get every nonverbal indication possible that at that moment, mine (and I would wager no one else’s) physical presence would not bring comfort. It would, in fact, probably make things worse.

So I sat in my room, which shares a wall with his, and just listened to his cries, providing my own silent tears in solidarity. Until, soon enough, things quieted down, and he slumbered.

It’s nothing new – we’ve had more of these bedtime anxieties then I care to count, and yet every time it leaves me feeling helpless, unable to provide whatever he needs to feel calm and comforted. So I comfort myself, saying, he knows how to find his own calm.

Some nights I believe it. Some nights I don’t.

And so, on that night, an old, cherished idea came back into my head, and I released my thoughts on Facebook:

I think I really want to get a friendly, loving therapy dog for D. A dog he’ll let hang with him always even when he needs to be in another room away from the rest of the family. A constant companion and best canine friend.

‪#‎autism

The responses came fast and furious, full of support, questions and great advice, some of which I’ll share here with you for anyone else with autism considering getting a dog or a therapy dog or for anyone who is considering to get one for their loved one with autism.

But equally interesting to me was how this simple status update born of a mother’s frustration and hurt at not being able to find the right kind of support or help for her son in times of solitary distress was how this very consideration – possibly getting a therapy dog to support and love someone with autism – is the perfect example of the tagline of my blog: Faith, family and autism, not always in that order.

There’s a lot of things to consider in this idea of getting D a therapy dog. D’s an unpredictable lad. He’s never shown much interest in dogs, animals or any type of pets. (We have a cat, and when he acknowledges her, he usually pats her hard, tugs her fur or puts his foot on her to roll her around. She’s an EXTREMELY accommodating cat.)

The rest of the family has mixed feelings about dogs. My husband, other two children and I are fine with dogs, but we aren’t dog lovers. My in-laws (we all live together) decidedly would be uncomfortable with a dog as a pet for a number of reasons. More on that later. So if we are to get a dog, it’s purely for D, and this dog has to be dedicated to D first and foremost. But would D take to a dog?

Figuring out what really makes D happy and what/who he will allow around him all the time is tough. Predicting who or what he takes to is near-impossible. That’s D. That’s his autism. What if we invested the time (and money) into getting D a trained, dedicated, loving therapy dog, and he is indifferent to the dog or worse – it upsets him more?

Here are some of the other very important points friends (on FB and in real life) pointed out to me:

Just to keep in mind….vet bills and every time we go away for the week it’s about $300 to put her in the kennel. We love her and it’s worth it, but the rest of us are true dog lovers. …

One additional point to think over – would the dog accompany D to school? And what arrangements would need to be made to ensure that could happen if so? …

A dog ties you down much more than a cat. And the bottom line is that no matter how great the dog may be, it will fall to Mom to care for the dog. It’s another creature to keep alive! And it’s a lot of work. …

Since your main objective is companionship for D, I think what you want is a trained therapy dog. Already housebroken and trained to see D as his/her job, and matured past the puppy years. Sort of like you want the dog to instantly imprint and bond to D. Otherwise a dog’s natural instinct would be to seek out play and companionship with others… Especially whoever walks and feeds the dog (and you know who that would be) you want the right temperament and a dog that is well behaved. You do not want to bring a puppy into the house or a dog with an unknown history. …

Last thought… A therapy dog will stay with D and bond to him. The other kids will need to know, this is D’s dog and understand the dog isn’t a family pet for play. That can be good if the other kids aren’t hip on dogs, but will take understanding if they are thinking this would be a dog for them. I hope I don’t sound discouraging! I’m 100% pro dogs!  But I respect that it’s not a good fit for every family. …

All very important points to consider. And that’s not even bring up the religious issue. Oh yes, there is one. All throughout my childhood, I was taught that though dogs are wonderful creatures, as are all of God’s creatures, we could never have one as a pet because they were na paak, or impure, and that the saliva of a dog would render a Muslim’s wudu (abulation before praying) invalid.

I was also told that if a dog licked my clothes, I could not pray in those clothes, and that keeping a home clean for the purpose of praying would be too difficult if a dog lived there.

I never questioned it. I just accepted what I was taught. It never mattered much to me anyway because I was never a “dog person.”

Fast forward years later to now. I’m a mother to three children, one of whom is profoundly affected by autism. And now this question of if we can have a dog live our home with us has suddenly become very real.

In my very basic research, I don’t think there is any mention in the Quran about prohibiting people from keeping dogs as pets, or that a dog’s saliva renders our abulation impure. There are various hadiths that touch up on this subject though, saying things like touching (or saliva of) a dog voids our abulation, and that we must wash seven times to clean the impurity. But I’m no scholar, and I don’t know how much weight or merit these hadiths hold.

So let me leave it up to those who are more well-read and better versed in these matters. In an article by Ingrid Mattson, a scholar of Islam, she writes beautifully about Islam and dogs and of her own pet dog, Ziggy:

I have long felt badly that many Muslims fear dogs as a result of negative experiences and that they resort to confused religious reasoning to shun them. It is one of the reasons why I try to introduce my students and friends to my very sweet, very large dog Ziggy.

Ziggy came into our home to be like the dog in the cave: to keep company to my child who lies in exile from the world because of a debilitating illness. He has been nothing but a blessing – guarding the house while we sleep, forcing me to exercise daily, and showing us, as he happily follows our tiny cat around the yard, that if cats and dogs can get along so well, then we people have no excuse.

Mattson also addresses the questions of impurity, angels and other issues. It’s a very interesting article laying to rest a lot of my questions.

At the end of the day, the decision for us is centered on D and his needs. I know that for D, the rituals of Islam are not incumbent upon him. I know that God is a loving, merciful God, and that the decisions we make for D’s health, safety and happiness will be inshallah pleasing to Him.

I also know we need to consider all the very important points listed above and more. We start there with our research. Then we consider the rest of the family and their feelings.

I just want a companion for D – a companion who he’ll allow to be around him always, even when our presence is too much for him. I want a companion who will help me help keep him safe, secure, who will make him feel less anxious and loved, who will stay close to him especially when he is anxious and upset, who will be that solid, unwavering physical presence in his life.

And maybe, that companion is meant to be a canine one.