Not Today

Hamza pulls his arms inside his t-shirt too, so he can be just like Lil D.

Something is wrong. I can see it; I can feel it in my bones. Lil D is off, and as I go back through things in my head and track the data sheets that I (and his school) maintain, I see an alarming rise in incontinence – the fancy word for pee accidents. Lots and lots of pee accidents. I just threw out his old mattress, knowing it was beyond cleaning at this point, and got him a new one. And that new one is encased in an allergen-mattress cover with a vinyl cover on top of that, plus double sh … [Read more...]

More Thoughts on Balancing Appreciation of Good Days with Wanting Better Good Days

good day

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude and good days since my last post, in which I reflected on Hamza’s Bismillah and the week afterwards with our family and Lil D, about being grateful for all that went well while still feeling unhappy about all Lil D missed. I am wondering that by the constant pursuit of “better good days,” am I hindering myself from appreciating what is good and peaceful about the moments at hand?Is there a danger in comparing good experiences with better ones when it c … [Read more...]

In Autism Land, What is a Good Day?

hamza's bismillah

The house was too quiet last night, as my husband and I sat on our couch after all kids were in bed, half asleep and tired from the past two weeks of activity. It was a good tired, as my husband remarked to me, “That went well. That was a lot of fun.”He was referring to the lead-up to our youngest son’s Bismillah ceremony, the Bismillah itself, and the week afterwards when his sister and her family stayed with us. The weekend of the Bismillah (a culturally-based religious ceremony where a chi … [Read more...]


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