Control is not always ugly. Sometimes it looks very beautiful. Sometimes it is even desirable. Sometimes it is very, very intoxicating.
Let me explain:
Sometimes control is obviously and upfront cruel. It is dominating, oppressive and overpowering. It is applied by a power-hungry tyrant who thinks he is stronger than you and will do everything in his power to make you submit and bow the knee to his rule.
However, sometimes control is maintained by affection. I’ve seen this in action and have even been the victim of it. The leader in this case absolutely loves his people absolutely. There is such affection, a strong sense of community, and a genuine overwhelming sense of being cared for. It really does feel like family!
It’s only when you cross this leader’s lines does the wrath and the rage explode! You suddenly discover that his love for you was totally possessive. The leader loves you as long as you totally comply, totally suck it all up and bathe yourself in his care. But the moment you decide to do something different, take a different direction, or think another thought, then his control comes to the fore.
Heaven forbid you disagree, question what is going on, or challenge the integrity or love of this leader! You will be branded ungrateful. You will be seen as disloyal. You will be a Judas who refused and betrayed his unconditional love.
That’s why when you escape this kind of control you can experience real confusion because he seemed to really love you and would do anything for you. And others are just as confused about your blatant betrayal and rejection of such a beautiful love.
Many of you know what I’m talking about. You’ve experienced this “control by affection”. Be glad you’ve escaped it.