this post is all about sex and masturbation

jesus masturbated cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward

Of course we know Jesus didn't masturbate because he didn't have a penis. That part about him being circumcised was just a Jewish gloss because God is nothing so why would he become a Jew?I remember the shock I felt when a bible college professor posed the question, "Did Jesus go to the bathroom?" I was shocked because we all know Jesus didn't have a bum because God doesn't have a bum. Jesus didn't need a bum because he ate so perfectly, so purely, so cleanly, that he produced no waste. God … [Read more...]

women on top and biblical sex

When a man writes about gender roles, the first thing you should note is that it was written by a man. Always start the critique there.There's quite a debate going on that you might like to notice. The Gospel Coalition posted an article by Jerod Wilson entitled The Polluted Waters of 50 Shades of Grey, Etc.. It received a lot of criticism, such as the post by Rachel Held Evans. You can check out these links and that will provide you with a wide doorway into more conversations around this hot … [Read more...]

hell for sex

I remember in bible college having to sit through a series of sermons on sexuality. We were taught all about the sins of unmarried sex, masturbation and oral sex. There was even some theologizing about sex positions, including the sin of the woman being on top... a submission issue. All participating in these activities were going to hell.I remember friends of mine... boyfriend and girlfriend... feeling so guilty after making out in a car that they confessed their sin to the dean of students. … [Read more...]

go forth and multiply

This has probably been done before. Oh well. I've never seen it.Eve is ready for some fun. A different kind of working with figures.Adam is a little dense. He'll add it up soon.¬†With great dividends!Own the original drawing.Buy a print of this cartoon.Get my books in paperback or Kindle HERE. … [Read more...]

behold i stand at the door and knock

One of my greatest fears before I was married was that Jesus would return before I had sex.So far he's let me have it for 32 years. … [Read more...]

cartoon: spiritual eroticism

Acquire the original of this cartoon for $100. Please contact me. You can get a fine art print of some of my cartoons here.Let's admit it: there's a lot of eroticism in religion and spirituality. I've heard stories from many women who have been required to stand before a congregation and confess their sexual sin. That is an erotic event. It is forced exhibitionism. It not only falsely publicizes the woman's identity as a sexual object delivering pleasure to others in a graphic way, but exposes … [Read more...]

Visitors and Dating

Have you heard the joke about the man who came to church for the first time? She was a beautiful church, and he became very attracted to her. She had everything he was looking for. They started seeing each other on a regular basis. After a while, he and the church decided to consummate their relationship. One night the man stripped down to his bare necessities and waited for the church to join him. He watched with excitement as she undressed in front of him. First, she took off her refined music … [Read more...]

old cartoon: valentines red letter edition

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Monk Business: God and Sex

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Happy Valentine’s Day, Teens Too!

So my son Jesse comes home from school yesterday with condoms. They were passed out in Life class. I passed out when I saw them. He was laughing. I wasn't. He said, "Just on time for Valentine's Day!" I said, "Ya, right!" He said he was going to go to the sex shop in town and get some toys. I said, "Ya, right!" I remember when this 6'3" dude was being given his birds and the bees talk years ago. All three of our kids were in the room. After we told him all he needed to know at the time, he said, … [Read more...]


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