Community vs. Spirituality: Why Does it Feel Like a Battle?

Community vs. Spirituality: Why Does it Feel Like a Battle? July 27, 2015

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Photo by Lori Stone Sirtosky; Creative Commons License

I am part of a Heathen group in my local community that’s been growing, and that’s awesome. But with growth comes some growing pains, and that has been something that’s difficult for me to work through. As our de facto spiritual leader moves on to pursue a different path, a gulf was left, and a friend and I stepped in to write a ritual offering for our next get-together.

It didn’t go as well. The attending people seemed uncomfortable, which made me as a ritual leader uncomfortable, which led to a rushed, messy, and not at all inspiring rite. This was really difficult for me; I have a fair amount of experience leading ritual, and even my very first one had not gone that badly. I went to talk to the former spiritual leader of the group, to outline my experience and get some pointers that could make it better in the future.

I didn’t get what I wanted. That same sense of discomfort and an unwillingness to engage in the spiritual had worn away at her as well. She helped me to realize something: this group was largely made up of secular, cultural Heathens who were much more interested in the get-together part of the evening than the religious portion.

This got me thinking, because I knew I had heard this discussion somewhere before. In my local UU church, every once in awhile someone makes a joke about the “coffee hour UUs”, or lauds the annual congregational potluck as our highest attended service. There is an unspoken tension here between people who find spiritual fulfillment in the more overtly spiritual actions of the church, and those who find it in the community-centered socialization.

As with many things, I’m sure the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Most religious organizations need both dedicated religious people as well as those who like to show up and chat. So why does it often feel like a fight? Are spiritually-minded people trying to drag the socializers kicking and screaming to religion? That’s sure how I felt at my recent ritual, though I’m sure I’m exaggerating because of my discomfort. Are the people who gain fulfillment from community and social interaction putting a big damper on the spiritual side of church events?

Obviously, it doesn’t have to be this way; but for balance to be achieved, both sides have to come together and talk about what they’re feeling. Also important is recognizing the people who fall somewhere in the middle, and enjoy both activities. This is a very difficult task, but getting the thoughts and ideas of both parties out into the light of day is the first step towards the healing that will ultimately make any religious group stronger.


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