What's That I Feel?

 0n100_3307
Several people have told me that I looked sooooooooo tired and worn out in the photo I used with this post. It’s true ~ for years I was seriously exhausted and felt like it would be so easy to die ~ all I had to do was surrender to that feeling of being completely spent…

Now that I am “No Longer Quivering” ~ that’s all changed and I have my health back ~ Hooray.

I remember when I first realized that the horrendous stress I’d been under for so many years was mostly relieved and my nerves were beginning to recover.

I was out at the mall with the children on a Saturday afternoon. Something about me just didn’t feel quite right. I wasn’t sick ~ or dizzy ~ What was I feeling? As we walked from store to store, I was so distracted with trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It didn’t actually feel “wrong” ~ just different ~ something totally new. Not exactly light-headed ~ just LIGHT.

Hmmmm … strange.

Then all of the sudden, I figured it out ~ that feeling … was ENERGY!

Wow ~ for the first time in I-can’t-even-remember-when, I didn’t feel like I could just collapse on the spot. I felt good. No aches. No pains. Not exhausted or even tired.

It was amazing!

I smiled and thought to myself, This is something I could get used to.

  • Charis

    Vykie,Do you mind if I ask how long you have been out? How long did it take for you to recover ENERGY? (I’m still waiting for mine :) The PA blames menopause, but I think a lot of it is the same as it was for you- in biblical terms I was weary and heavy laden from too many yokes of bondage)Shalom!Charis

  • a.b.e.

    Vyckie,You can make a book out of your blogs. Have you ever thought of doing that?Also – have you checked out http://www.cbeinternational.org/new/index.shtmlI just want you to be aware that there are Christians out there who do not interpret the Bible in such a manner as to give men authority over women, and yet are still Biblical.Anyway, keep up the good work discussing your experiences. Women need to start speaking out about patriarchy and what it's done to their lives. After all, the complementarian and the patriarchal churches will not publicize stories such as yours. So women like you have to speak out against it wherever you can.I was converted to the complimentarian view (man rules, females submit to that rule) as a young Christian. But I had done a lot of historical study so I knew something was fishy about it. I began to search Christian bookstores for different points of view. That was over 30 years ago. As I did, I found that certain verses of Paul on women had been either mistranslated, poorly translated or misunderstood. Knowing this I was able to drop the comp view. Knowledge is power!In recent years I have come to find out that many verses on women, just pulled out of the Bible by themselves are being taken out of the cultural context in which they were said and thus misunderstood.I am worried that perhaps you don't realize that you can be Biblical and yet believe in full equality for women. Here's a blog you may want to check out:http://blog.cbeinternational.org/index.php?s=slaves%2C+women+and+homosexual&Submit=SearchI hope I am not seriously irritating you. I'm just worried about you (and Laura).

  • Vyckie

    Charis ~ I filed for divorce on New Year’s Eve 2007 ~ that incident at the mall in which I felt ENERGY occurred in March 2008. So ~ it didn’t take long at all ~ which for me, confirmed my belief that the main contributor to my health problems was simply the stress of dealing with my ex-husband all day, every day. He had endless energy ~ never quit. His energy was partly because he’s a healthy young male ~ but I always felt like he also derived energy from sucking it away from the rest of us ~ not just me, but the children too. Not long after I got out, I came across a term for this which made me say, “EXACTLY!!” ~ psychic vampire. I was living with a psychic vampire ~ he was sucking me dry from morning ’til bedtime. Once he was gone and I rid myself of the whole martyr mentality and started taking care of me ~ I recovered remarkably fast. Which I appreciate because I really need energy to parent my children ~ and now to write a book too ;-)I’ll share more about this amazingly quick recovery of my health as I’m writing my story.

  • Calvin

    a.b.e. said: “there are Christians out there who do not interpret the Bible in such a manner as to give men authority over women, and yet are still Biblical.” That’s what’s so great about the Bible: just about anything you want to be biblical, you can find something in there to show it is biblical. If you want strict egalitarianism, you can point to Galatians and say “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” If you want communism, you can point to the description of the early church in Acts where “All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.” If you want slavery, there’s plenty of rules for how properly to treat your slaves, and admonitions to slaves to “obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.” If you want patriarchy, well, just ask the Quiverfolks about that. I just found this blog, and it is fascinating reading. Vyckie, I’m so glad to read that you are finally taking responsibility for your own decisions, admitting that they are your decisions and that the results of your decisions are your responsibility. I’m also glad to see that you are making good, responsible decisions.

  • J.L. Hinman

    Hi I am not here to put anyone down. I don’t want to argue with you. I’m glad you got out of those extremists groups. But there are two things I wish you would consider.(1) There are other forms of Christianity that you probably have not heard of. I mean specifically “liberal” theology. Extremists groups like that probably have told you how evil and satanic liberalism is. If you are willing to scarp Christianity all the way why believe the extremists in their lies about liberalism?(2) A group called the Egalitarian Christian alliance has been fighting the complementarians and others like them for many years. They have slandered and ridiculed by them. They have tried to deal honestly and fairly with the comps but they have always been treated very badly and given no respect. But these women do not give up on Christ. They find the strength to push on for the rights of women throguh faith not through giving it up.I’m not putting anyone down. Women in those groups are abused and traumatized. anyone coming out of such a group is basically getting over having been traumatized and abused. So I’m not scolding anyone for her reaction to abuse.but you really should separate Christian beliefs from those of these extremists.here’s a link to the ECA website, I hope you check it out.Egalitarian Christian AllianceMen are in the ECA too. I’m in it. But there aer more women in it. They are very strong women.

  • J.L. Hinman

    That’s what’s so great about the Bible: just about anything you want to be biblical, you can find something in there to show it is biblical. If you want strict egalitarianism, you can point to Galatians and say “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” If you want communism, you can point to the description of the early church in Acts where “All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.” If you want slavery, there’s plenty of rules for how properly to treat your slaves, and admonitions to slaves to “obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.” If you want patriarchy, well, just ask the Quiverfolks about that.but there are also rules for understanding texts. These are called “hsitorical cricial methods.” they are used by scholars. the thing is the fundametnal extremists like the comps don’t read thos that. they don’t learn the rules.The rules enabel us to undrstand a text without just imposing anything we want to see on it. Of cousre there aer still differences. Religion doesn’t have to be like mathemaics and have total percision. There’s rule for individual interpriation. That’s one of the problems the extremists up on you is the desire to understand just one way of looking at things.The idea that there are many interpretations is a strength and not a weakness in the Bible and it also can apply to all written texts.

  • a.b.e.

    To J.L. Hinman,As always, you are defending women. I appreciate you so much, and so does everyone at equalitycentral.com.There’s a new message forum you might want to comment on over there:http://equalitycentral.com/forum/index.php?topic=932.msg12116#msg12116I think the time has come to give a name to the conservative comp and patriarchal movements. That name is male supremists.

  • a.b.e.

    Calvin,You may find this blog interesting because its about a book to use in interpreting the Bible. You seem to have a lot of Biblical knowledge, so you may be interested in this book.Here's the blog about the book:http://blog.cbeinternational.org/index.php?s=slaves%2C+women+and+homosexual&Submit=SearchIt's the same one I posted for Vyckie above.

  • Kristin

    Um… Did everyone miss the post by Vyckie in which she more or less says: “Please stop witnessing to us and telling us that we just haven’t found the ‘right’ kind of Christianity yet.” Jeez…

  • lansome68

    Thank you, Kristin! I know these people mean well, but saying “you really should do XYZ” no matter how benign XYZ may actually be, is such a trigger phrase to anyone who has come out of a controlling, performance-based system. Vyckie and Laura are all too familiar with the “Jesus is coming, so you’d better look busy” ideation. I don’t care how liberal your church or your doctrine, if you’re still saying that people “should” believe what you believe, there is fear at the bottom of it.

  • Indigo

    I too am getting really sick of hearing “but you can still be a Christian!” from various commentators. I was raised in a very liberal Christian household. When I became an atheist, various people tried to convince me that religion doesn’t have to be evil and oppressive – but I already knew that. I can’t remember, for example, ever having a male minister in church; they were always women, and I grew up in the belief that that was normal. I think I’ve mentioned elsewhere that until I was a teenager, I thought hell was something like the belief that there were gods living on Mt. Olympus – something nobody really believed in any more, just “mythology”. People tried to tell me I could become a Buddhist or a pagan or a Ba’hai if I “didn’t like” what Christianity taught, and that I didn’t have to give up on spirituality altogether. But that wasn’t the point. It wasn’t that I didn’t like what I learned in Sunday school. In fact, if it weren’t for that pesky “Jesus was the son of God” belief, I would probably still be a member of my parents’ church. I admire many of the things they do, and I often wish I could find a secular community as powerful and welcoming as theirs. But when something shakes your belief, it is very hard to just switch to something different. If you’ve been confident your whole life that you have been following the right path and other paths are, not to put too fine a point on it, made up crap, then realising you are on the wrong path doesn’t mean you suddenly change your mind about the other ones.

  • EmK

    Calvin, I guess your post was a direct message to Vyckie, because the last bit sounded like you knew her personally: (“I’m so glad to read that you are finally taking responsibility for your own decisions, admitting that they are your decisions and that the results of your decisions are your responsibility. I’m also glad to see that you are making good, responsible decisions.”)If it’s a personal message to her and you know her, then feel free to ignore my comment. But it seems not to fit with the situation. How exactly was Vyckie “not taking responsbility” for her actions before? It’s sort of hard to take responsbility when you are being abused and living 24/7 in an abusive environment that tears at your spirit. She needed help, she needed her abuser to take responsbility. There’s nothing wrong with holding up your hand and saying “Yes, I’ve been brutalized, please help.”I suppose I don’t understand the idea that survivors of years of mental cruelty somehow had the same type of agency as someone who lives free and healthy and has practice making her own decisions for herself and her kids. The phrase “take responsbility” doesn’t seem to fit here. The phrase “good decisions,” also…it seems to suggest that her decisions in the past were “bad.” Perhaps we can agree that abused people who stay with abusive partners are making “poor” or “clouded” decisions, but I’m not on board with the word “Bad.” Nothing is that simple. It also shifts the majority of the burden from the abuser to the abused. And, “bad” implies a moral judgment, which I think we who have never been abused simply cannot/must not make. But, I am delighted that you’ve been feeling energized and renewed, Vyckie!

  • Anonymous

    Vyckie,This is for you:http://equalitycentral.com/forum/index.php?topic=934.msg12135;topicseen#msg12135It's quite entertaining. I think you will appreciate it.An anonymous person who supports you!

  • Becky

    You definitely looked tired. You definitely look better with your hair cut shorter, as well! You’re looking great…and younger.I can only imagine how tired you were. I was nursing or pregnant for the first four years we lived overseas and I felt like I was living in a fog. To live that way perpetually, year in and year out, would be extreme indeed.

  • Hollis M.

    To Kristin, Iansome, and everybody else, thanks for bringing up the point about the problem with the word “should.” I think that it is very common for people to feel that if you make a different choice than they have, or than they would, it invalidates their choice. I went through this when, after graduating from a prestigious university with good grades and high scores on standardized tests, I announced my desire to become a nurse. Everyone from my mom to my classmates to casual acquaintances was aghast and told me I “should” become a doctor. I got very tired of telling people that I was not interested in going through years of medical school and racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt when what called to me was the helping patients aspect — which, in the American health care system, is almost always done more by nurses than by doctors (not the doctors’ fault; their time is just so costly that insurance groups pressure them to minimize the time they spend with each patient)! In any case, my point is that it is great to let a person know about an option that exists if you actually think she has not considered it, but if your only motivation in saying “you should really do X” is to say, “I believe that X is right for me,” then… say that!

  • J.L. Hinman

    As always, you are defending women. I appreciate you so much, and so does everyone at equalitycentral.com.There’s a new message forum you might want to comment on over there:thanks!I don’t really know who you are, but I assume an ECA person?

  • J.L. Hinman

    Um… Did everyone miss the post by Vyckie in which she more or less says: “Please stop witnessing to us and telling us that we just haven’t found the ‘right’ kind of Christianity yet.” Jeez…not really what I said. It’s not so much that you haven’t foudn the right kind as it is that you find the wrong kind.I don’t know if there is a “right kind.”One could certainly find better churches than the one’s you’ve been going to.

  • aimai

    J.L.You really, really, really need some quiet time meditating in a corner about just why so many people seem to misunderstand you. Hint: its because you aren’t actually saying what you think you are saying. And you are offending people right and left. If you *want* to offend them, go ahead. But if you constantly find yourself surprised at how often you are misunderstood? You need to go to your special place and work on it for a while. Maybe it will come to you.aimai


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