I was so frustrated, I had no idea where I had gone wrong with “Created to Be His Help Meet” but I decided that the problem was definitely with me. The book said so! Any marriage problem could be traced back to the woman. I needed to accept that I as a woman was pure evil and my husband was like a god. So why did the mere thought of that make me feel so uneasy and miserable?
So I shifted from “Created to Be His Help Meet” when I found Vision Forum’s materials. I felt that I had now hit the jackpot with the epitome of all that is Christian Womanhood. I read Christian Womanhood blogs. I even started “encouraging” bloggers like Kelly at Generation Cedar, because, after all, these poor women were being attacked by baby-hating feminists who were just rebellious women that didn’t like authority.
I started out my collection small, with what we could afford. I spent my own money on trash like “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” and “So Much More”. I had so many questions about Christian Womanhood, and nobody could answer them for me. They kept just referring me to the appropriate books where I could learn about it for myself.
I had people approach me and ask me if I was planning on home schooling my son who was only a couple of months old. What an insult, of course I was! Like any other good Baptist woman I was going to home school. And yes, my husband and I dated, but my children would be shown a better way, that of courtship. I was insulted every time I was asked if we planned on having any more kids. Of course I was! As many as God gave us. I was already pregnant again by the time my first was eight weeks old. Every time I was told that we would “change our minds” as we get older, I’d get frustrated thinking that it was sad that this person did not understand God’s plan for families having as many children as He gave them.
I was doing all the “right” things. Why was I so empty inside?
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