Throughout my labor with Hazelle ~ yes, that long horrible, absolutely miserable 4th pregnancy and delivery ~ I kept thinking that, while I really did not want to have another c-section delivery, I wasn’t exactly excited about going through labor and delivery either.
I would often say to anyone who might be listening (usually my sister, Sandy), “There’s got to be another way …”
When my water broke, I was so exhausted from all the complications of that pregnancy combined with eight days of flu ~ all I wanted was to sleep. I really could not get it in my head that, if I didn’t want the baby to be delivered surgically (as her three older sisters had been), then I was going to have to be the one to push her out.
Oh … but I was so tired. There had to be another way.
Of course, there was no other way ~ and after 24 hours of unproductive labor at home, I was transferred to the hospital for a fourth cesarean section.
A few weeks after I returned home with my new baby, I got a phone call from Sandy. She was laughing so hysterically that I could hardly understand her words as she told me that she had been watching her favorite show, Star Trek ~ and she just had to call and tell me about this female crew member who had been abducted and impregnated by an alien creature.
When she was returned to the ship, an ultrasound showed that the baby had spikes running all the way down its spine ~ and the doctor declared that there’s no way this baby could be delivered “the usual way.”
Sandy was expecting that the doctor would perform a c-section ~ there are after all only two ways to deliver a baby right? Not in TV land.
Instead of reaching for a scapel, the doctor contacted the transporter room ~ and instructed that officer to “beam the baby out.”
“That’s what you were waiting for,” my sister told me, “You were hoping that someone would beam the baby out of you!”
Well ~ it is a good idea.
If they ever do invent that sort of technology, it ought to be required that every maternity ward come equipped with a transporter and crew.
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