10 Lies I Believed About “Worldly Parents”

by Vyckie

1) Worldly parents only have one kid ~ two at the most (and sometimes none at all ~ gasp!) because they are selfish and lazy and cannot be bothered with the responsibilities of parenthood.

2) Worldly parents send their kids to public school because they have been duped into turning their kids over to be brainwashed by secular humanism in Satan’s government-run indoctrination centers.

3) Worldly women only care about chasing after Mammon and earthly glory so they waste their lives making greedy men (to whom they are not even married) rich by their labor ~ which technically makes them whores.

4)  Worldly parents indulge their kids and refuse to train them to be “instantly, joyously obedient” and to honor their fathers because they are guilt-ridden for not caring enough about their kids to spend a quantity of quality time with them.

5)  Worldly mothers are eager to hand their kids over to minimum wage-earning daycare workers who don’t give a rat’s ass about their precious children so they can spend their time shopping, getting their nails done and working out to keep their bodies hot for their worldly husbands who only love them superficially.

6)  Worldly mothers are clueless about nutrition and growing healthy bodies ~ that is why they only feed their kids pre-packaged junk food.  They are more concerned about their kids being popular and “well-rounded” (read: worldly) than they are about their health ~ which is why worldly moms pick up dinner at the McDonald’s drive-thru on their way to soccer practice or dance class almost every night of the week.

7)  Worldly parents park their kids in front of the electronic babysitter for 5 or 6 hours every day so they can sit on their butts in front of the computer watching pornography because they don’t care if their kids’ minds atrophy and they are glad to have their little brats’ heads filled with ideas for cheap plastic Disney toys which they will pitch a fit in Wal-Mart and demand their parents buy as bribes or guilt-offerings.

8)  Worldly parents have learned nothing from the shame and degradation of their own promiscuous dating relationships which is why they believe “comprehensive sex education” will protect their kids from STDs and broken hearts more than insisting on abstinence.

9)  Worldly fathers have no idea what a dangerous place our society can be for women.  They allow their wives and daughters to wear pants or mini-skirts or show cleavage, expose bare shoulders, etc ~ totally shirking their responsibility as men to protect their women from getting raped.  Worldly men whose wives dress immodestly are most likely porn addicts.

10)  Worldly parents consider their parenting job a success if their kids make it to adulthood without getting raped, killed, drug or alcohol addicted, or committing suicide.  Any good thing beyond that is just icing on the cake.

BONUS:  Christian parents who use birth control, do not homeschool, homebirth and run a cottage industry, own a television, send their kids to Sunday School rather than keeping the family together for worship, allow their kids to have sleepovers or date, don’t grow their own vegis and grind their own wheat for bread, or who are okay with the wife wearing pants and makeup or working outside the home ~ are actually Worldly Parents ~ they probably aren’t even really saved and are only using church as a social club with no membership fees.

This post was prompted by a Facebook status update from an old high-school acquaintance, who has no connection to Quiverfull ~ he wrote:

One major problem with our society is that parents are raising boys and girls. They are supposed to be raising MEN and WOMEN!

When I read it, I thought, Wow ~ a person doesn’t have to be Quiverfull to be convinced that every other parent is ignorant and lazy and they’re doing it wrong!!  Here’s what I wrote in response:

Another major problem with our society is that we judge one another and make presumptions about what awful failures others must be in order to feel superior and mask our own feelings of inadequacy.

I say, parents are doing our damnedest to raise sons and daughters to the best of our abilities. The deck is stacked against us and the odds are not in our favor. Nevertheless, very few of us throw in our hands and walk away from the table ~ instead we play out the game with the cards we’ve been dealt.

Later … sometimes much later, we are pleasantly surprised to realize that our kids are the winners.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum! (And as a Memorial weekend special bonus ~ I’m leaving comments open here for those who would like to rant about this post without joining the forum.)

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NLQ recommended reading:

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

  • http://smrtlernins.com Smrt Mama

    This was really interesting to read. I’m a secular homeschooling “Worldly” mom, but have a good friend who is the wife of a Lutheran minister (Missouri Synod) and lives VERY conservatively, head covering and all that. She wrote a guest post for my blog about a similar topic, only it was more specifically how Christian homeschoolers view secular homeschoolers. I think it’s helpful to understand what the cultural views of conservative/Quiverfull Christian towards people like me are, though I admit that it can be pretty hurtful to learn that just because I don’t think like they do, they assume I’m some sort of shallow hussy w/ absolutely no mothering instincts.

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  • http://baptisttalibanmemoirs.blogspot.com Cindy Foster

    I wrote a post on my blog that I titled, “Prodigal Malpractice” to highlight the fact that the father in the parable quietly let the son go, looking for him to return, and then welcomed him home when he did with much fanfare and merriment.

    The elder son, however, was resentful since he had never done the wicked things his younger brother did, but received no such party all the while forgetting that all his father had was still his.

    My point was that if we have children that are intent on being prodigals, the best thing we can do at that point is LET THEM GO without withholding things from them in an effort to stop them.

    I stated that I would rather have a prodigal who returned having learned a good lesson and having a tender heart rather than a pious, resentful elder son who never strayed.

    Three or four IFB street-preaching bullies hit me with a long diatribe of verses condemning our “throw-in-the-towelism” (as they put it) and accusing us of not raising our kids right via the ‘rod useful for beating them thus saving their souls from hell’. If we had, they would not have rebelled, as if they knew.

    So the ‘superior, narcissists are alive and well and are on the war path.

    I am quite sure they would make all ten of you points the main points of their sermon outlines.

    You can read for yourself, (if you have the stomach for it) on my blog, Baptist Taliban Memoirs, under the title, Facebook Folly: Three Who Condone Prodigal Malpractice.

    Cindy Foster

  • lisbet

    I am probably the very epitomy of what you would have considered a worldy woman in those days- my career really does come first (because i love it), I have no children, and although I accompany my husband to church, I have been unable to find it in myself to consider myself a Christian! On the other hand, I eat good, whole foods (it’s all about the green smoothies), have a television for movie-watching only, and dress very modestly.
    For me, trying to be a stay-at home wife led to a deep depression (and I only tried it after losing my job, years ago). I just didn’t have enough to occupy me- in that context, when I wanted something to pour my energy into, I thought about kids. Bad reason!
    Peace to your family!

  • Ex-Adriel

    Ahh, the worldly parents game. Some fun ones you didn’t mention
    – Worldly parents let their children play with toys that have demons in them (Trollz, ouiji boards, video games, etc).
    - Worldly parents, when they aren’t neglecting their kids, are deliberately creating a culture of selfishness by advocating a ‘child safe’ or ‘child friendly’ or (God forbid) a ‘child centered’ lifestyle.
    - Worldly parents do not rigorously and constantly inspect their neighbors and friends to determine which associations may now be leading their child into sin.
    - Ditto for reading and leisure activities undertaken by spouse and child.

    The funnest part (read heavily sarcastic) is that it never lets up. There’s always something else that you discover that you can’t do as a family because it is something ‘worldly parents do.’

  • Jae

    I have enjoyed this site very much, especially having grown up with a dad who was a member of a “cult.” But I can’t deal with the full page ad that keeps popping up when I’m reading. I know you’re trying to support yourself and your kids and I sympathize. But that ad is way, way, too much.

  • Hannah

    I truly am praying for you and your children Vyckie. I could care less whether you are ‘quiverfull’ or not, whether you wear pants or skirts, etc. But i do care that you’ve decided God does not exist, and I am praying you will return to Him.

    Love
    Hannah

  • maggie

    Uhhhhhh wow, I’m actually retroactively offended that you would have thought I was a horrible whore bound for hell (an alliterative whore at least). Creepy. #3 confused me, though I think I just figured it out; “worldly” women are paying their pimps? So odd.

    I could add some things to your list about myself, the worldly woman, that are actually truthful and would terrify a lot of people. I’m still not so bad anyway, promise. ;)

    Hannah — I don’t think “decide” is the right word there. It’s like saying I decided that Harry Potter is real.

  • mom of many

    Hannah,
    I’m sure you mean well, but your comment essentially communicates that you care nothing about Vyckie’s experience (no bearing her burdens, no feeling her pain, no seeking to understand her experience) and only care that she’s not believing what you want her to believe.

    When someone has experienced abuse (and found themselves being abusive) because of certain beliefs about God, it makes complete sense that they would want to back away from beliefs about God all together while they try to sort things out. Let’s give her the space to do just that. It’s her journey, not mine or yours.

    Btw, if you want to try to share with her that God is different than what she thought, I’m fairly positive that the best way to do that is NOT going to be by shaming or pressuring. There’s been enough of that done already.

  • http://www.google.com/profiles/andrea.m.semler The Nerd

    Ah, another day, another episode of Mommy Wars. Our society (it seems) has zero respect for just how amazingly difficult it is to raise children. Interestingly, each mother just so happens to be doing it the “right” way, and every other mother is sorely mistaken. Sigh…

    I can’t wait till parents in our society can move past judging each other and start offering more mutual support and respect for us all.

  • Staceyjw

    Hannah,
    Not everyone believes in a god/gods, and those of us who don’t believe do not need or want your prayers. If you want to show that you truly care about Vyckie, do something practical that will actually help her out!
    It’s actually very condescending and offensive to go to someones site and leave such a message. How would you like if we went to YOUR site and told you “I hope you someday realize that sky-daddies (aka gods) aren’t real and religion is a man made institution that holds humanity back.” I bet you would find it rude, because it would be!!! I don’t think Vyckie would do that to YOU.

    On topic-
    I’m the kind of woman that fundies HATE most, since I’m both an atheist and a feminist. I have a great career, and will go back to work a few months after my son is born. My husband will be a full time stay at home daddy in just 8 weeks, and he loves it! Obviously, we think that biblical roles are archaic and that equal partnership is the best way to sustain a relationship.

    Fundies think the worst of us without even getting to know us, just because of our modern “gender roles”. We actually have great (real) family values, and are very strong morally and ethically. Its too bad people like us are used to scare xtain women into submission, when we are actually a good example of a healthy, happy, functional family!

  • frank matches

    To one extreme to the next. Finding power in meaningless distinctions about oneself which are based on broad generalizations was exactly what was wrong with the heterodox you were adhering to- why run to the other extreme? It is often difficult to know whether one is ‘asserting a worldview’ versus clinging to an established system of thought.

  • http://www.avital.blogspot.com Aubrietta

    I laughed and laughed when I read this list because was raised believing these lies too. I was homeschooled, wore prairie dresses and was raised to be a “godly daughter” etc, etc. Now, I’m one of those wordly Christians who isn’t really saved. I use birth control, own a television (my child is currently watching a Disney movie, we must both be going to hell) and put my child in day care when I returned to work after he was born. It’s been hard to shake off all the indoctrination, but I am secure in my faith and choices – I love this website for your honesty and truth in uncovering the abuse and hypocrisy that happens in this ultra-conservative movement. It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who thinks and feels like this!

  • http://www.leyerlejuiceplus.com Andrea

    I wanted to share this with you after reading some of your posts. This one was the preverbial “straw” that prompted me to comment. What you are describing here is NOT the love of God. It is self-righteousness. Relying on your own works, that you., yourself deem as “good” is a self-satisfying lifestyle that not only seperates a believer from their relationship with their God, but shames the Name of Christ for the whole world to see. I’m thankful you are not living the lifestyle of a self-righteous fraud anymore. VERY thankful. The following is a post written by someone whose children were physically and sexually abused. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that you might see that your husband, and many people you surrounded yourself with in the past were in fact, MENTALLY ILL, in bondage to law, and complete mis-representations of the true Power of God.
    Peace be unto you.
    Andrea

    Living with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)Share
    Today at 2:31am
    Kristy Goodwin Living with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) the Disorder that Causes Emotional and Domestic Abuse – a major factor in domestic abuse and chronic fighting.

    Do you sometimes worry that ” maybe the fighting is all my fault ?…”

    If you live with someone who puts you down and insults you, there is information here that may help you bring peace and security back to your home and your life. Please take your time and read this page carefully.

    Narcissism Simplified

    Narcissism looks like this…

    “You and your children are treated very
    different in private than in public.”

    In public you may be ignored while your partner gives all of their attention to others, pretending to be the perfect husband, father, wife or mother…

    “In private however, they will be sarcastic, haughty, insulting and put people down (even friends) behind their back.”

    Someone with symptoms of NPD will show little or no regard for your well-being or feelings and may act as if they are superior and more popular than you (and show favoritism between the kids) while often being cold, arrogant, withdrawn and unavailable.

    “The criticism, insults and lack of involvement or concern for your well-being and feelings may cause you and/or your children to feel rejected, hurt, humiliated, powerless, ashamed, and angry while also possibly leading to mental health and psychological problems and addictions within your family.”

    A narcissist will act as if they should never be questioned and that they deserve things that they haven’t worked for or earned and trade on other peoples honesty and hard work while they lie and manipulate people for attention, perhaps acting a bit too good to be true.

    “Indeed they can be very charming and even perhaps humble in public and this will fool people so they won’t believe you if you disclose how they talk to you in private or the things they often say behind other peoples backs.”

    Narcissism and Domestic violence affect children in a huge way, and majority of the time it affects children more than the actual victim.

    The effects on children who witness domestic violence may include:

    * feelings of fear, anger, depression, grief, shame, despair and distrust,
    * a sense of powerlessness
    * physical reactions such as stomach cramps, headaches, sleeping and eating difficulties, frequent illness
    * slowed developmental capacities, poor school performance, low self- esteem, difficulty relating to peers
    * substance abuse
    * behavioural problems such as running away from home, aggressive language and behaviour, acting out
    * learning that violence is a legitimate means for obtaining control of a situation or for resolving conflict.

  • Rachel

    Number 10 really struck me. As a “worldy” evangelical, birth-control using mom of two, this is exactly what I pray for. If my children can “make it to adulthood without getting raped, killed, drug addicted, or committing suicide,” I will feel be incredibly grateful. I mean, really, in this twisted and uncertain world, getting through childhood alive, non-addicted and without major trauma is a big accomplishment and sets a child up for living a productive, stable, and emotionally whole life.

  • http://nolongerquivering.com Vyckie

    From the “I’m not making this stuff up” department:

    http://blogs.alternet.org/vyckie/2010/05/31/10-lies-i-believed-about-worldly-parents-aka-you/

    scroll down to comment #4

    Ack!

  • http://marshabrockman.blogspot.com/ Marsha Brockman

    Sounds like the women’s forum area at http://www.crosswalk.com
    A forum from which I was banned, lol.

  • http://happyrain.org/ Emily

    Ah, another day, another episode of Mommy Wars. Our society (it seems) has zero respect for just how amazingly difficult it is to raise children. Interestingly, each mother just so happens to be doing it the “right” way, and every other mother is sorely mistaken. Sigh…

    I can’t wait till parents in our society can move past judging each other and start offering more mutual support and respect for us all.

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  • http://www.pharmacytechnicianblog.com/ pharmacy technician

    Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!

  • http://fishinmyhair.blogspot.com TC

    Vyckie,

    The comment you linked leads to an article on HomeschoolBlogger.com . As a Christian homeschooler who used to blog on that site, I have personally never encountered such a large community of “Christians” who harshly condemn others who don’t follow extreme patriarchal, fundamentalist parenting methods. Some of the (misguided) teen children from these families have taken it upon themselves to police other teen bloggers 1) who might dare to post a picture of themselves in a prom dress (Prom = sinful; fitted prom dress = sinful; prom music = sinful); 2) talk about sports (competition = sinful; sports attire = sinful); 3) write about “non-Christian” literature (Lord of the Rings = witchcraft = sinful; Harry Potter = spawn of Satan; most fiction = sinful); 4) ..the list goes on..and on…and on….
    It’s a hotbed of extremism. I warn anyone who’s thinking about starting a blog to run far, far away from HSB.

    Your site has been really helpful to me in helping me recognize the red flags of spiritual abuse. I wish I had known these things a few years ago, when some of my friends and acquaintances were starting to show signs of mental meltdown from the horrific circumstances they were living in (secretly, of course). Thank you for getting the word out.

  • Emily

    As much as I agree with 99% of what’s posted here, and think that the whole “troll dolls are demonic” and “role-playing is practicing witchcraft” things are ridiculous exaggeration, ouija boards are one thing I refuse to touch. I’ve got friends who self-identify as pagans and don’t shy away from mentioning that they cast spells and do various rituals, and for every last one of them the first time they touched a ouija board, or was in a room where it was used, was also the last time. Because of that alone, I’m of the belief that whatever the heck is going on with those things, it involves messing with forces or beings that are NOT to be messed with, especially not for amusement.

  • http://joysthoughtsonstuff.wordpress.com Joy F

    Wow. This site has made me stop and pause. My parents weren’t extreme conservatives, but they were influenced a lot by the churches “crackdown” and backtrack into isolationism in the 80′s, which led them to try homeschooling and other things like it. It was what evangelicals did at the time I guess. I heard some of these very things mentioned at some of the forums they went to – my parents way on the liberal end of conservatism (?) and so weren’t overly embraced – and I get it now.

    The whole movement seems very reactionary to me now. No where in the Bible does it say to hide out away from the world in order to reach it. I don’t see how you can love people if you are terrified of being contaminated by them.

    Funny remark about daycares – I actually love being dropped off as a little kid while my mom was still finishing her degree! I remember
    loving it because I could play with all my friends! I think about that now – when we get around to having kids, they’ll probably go to daycare for a little while each week – I think it helps kids be more social!

  • http://beyond-the-wand.tumblr.com BTW

    I remember my mother telling me some of these since I was a kid – the ONLY reason married women work is so they can afford big fancy houses and buy their kids all kinds of fancy toys because they don’t have time to spend with them, and of course it’s those kinds of mothers who use daycare centers.

    As for Ouija boards, I’ve used one a couple of times and I’ve never had any trouble. Of course, I did specifically ask for NICE spirits and created a nice, rather than spooky atmosphere before beginning; maybe that helped. ;)


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