I spent close to, or maybe a little over a year, trying to dodge Adam’s calls. We weren’t officially “courting”, so I didn’t see why I had to speak with him any more than I was allowed to speak to other male “friends of the family” that called. Unfortunately, my father had decided that we should get to know each other better and that was the end of that discussion.
Adam was a very pushy guy. Many of his questions seemed inappropriate, even if they would’ve been asked in a normal dating situation. He would ask the standards:
- How many children do you want?
- Will you pledge to allowing the Lord to open and close your womb?
- How do you feel about debt?
- Would you be willing to sacrifice and go without in order to start OUR lives out with no debt?
- Would you allow me my patriarchal authority or would you insist on an equal partnership (said like it was bad thing)?
He would also ask the strange questions:
- How often do you think about physical intimacy (sex)?
- When do you think about it?
- Am I part of your fantasy?
- If we were alone, would we need a chaperone?
- How often should a married couple have relations?
- Would you allow your husband the freedom to try new things?
Later, as I was speaking to the brother who didn’t consumate his marriage for six months, I got to watch the horrified face of this brother as I relayed these questions from Adam. He said that Adam was definitely not following the ATI/IBLP, courtly love script. I didn’t figure he was.
In any case, I never “fell” for Adam. He wasn’t right for me. He was right for my dad, however! Adam’s family wasn’t a founding family but they owned a lot of land and were of interest to certain people in Gothard circles because they had what most QF families don’t have – a boatload of money. Getting Adam married into an “established” ATI family could help insure that his family would stay in and all of that land/money would stay in ATI circles. At least, that’s my opinion, I don’t have solid proof. Why else would my dad push so heavily for it though? I didn’t even know Adam in the way that most women know the man they’ll marry.
When I was sixteen, going on seventeen, Adam’s family came for another visit and it was on this visit that Adam asked to court me, with the understanding that we would become engaged in less than a year and married as soon as I was eighteen. His request was one of the most humiliating events in my life. We had just sat down around two long tables for dinner in a squished livingroom. Adam came around to the girl’s table and took my hand. I stood up and there, in front of every member of my family, he proposed the courtship (almost exactly as I stated it above) and presented me with a piece of jewelry.
I was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say so I started crying. People in the room saw what they wanted to see and mistook my tears for tears of joy. I guess they missed my attempt to untangle my hand from Adam’s and run for the door (it was too crowded or I would have). As they applauded and wished us luck, I’m not even sure I answered his request/demand. Before I knew it, I was being led to the table he was sitting at and my place setting was being moved by his brother. And with that I was officially pre-engaged to the boy I didn’t know and didn’t like.
The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth by RazingRuth:
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23