(Just a note in case any of what I wrote steps on anyone’s toes: please keep in mind I grew up under this mentality. Yes, it is snarky but only towards the bonds that kept me chained to fear for so long.)
1—How do you respond when criticized /corrected?
A: I begin throwing things at the criticizer and screaming obscenities.
B: I laugh hysterically and start in on a litany of the criticizer’s faults.
C: In all circumstances I love to be criticized. I show a joyful countenance when my father chastises me (with a Biblical rod, of course) for leaving a book on the table. When my mother tells me that wearing my hair in a ponytail could cause men to lust, I am grateful for her sound advice. If no one is criticizing/correcting me at the moment, I go around asking everyone in my family what each one thinks I do wrong. It is so wonderful that I even self-criticize constantly.
2—I like to talk…
A: Nonstop—during funeral services, during my best friend’s graduation ceremony, at the bedsides of relatives who are deathly ill.
B: Only if everyone will shut up and listen to my awesomeness.
C: I don’t really talk at all. I only whisper—mostly Bible verses and quotes of things my father and pastor say.
3—When I talk I tend:
A: To tell racist jokes and ribald stories.
B: Let out the skeletons in EVERYONE’s closest.
C: See above. (Question 2, answer C.)
4—In the heat of the moment, I often:
A: Get into fist fights
B: Call my family names.
C: I don’t really have a “heat of the moment” because heat is akin to passion and passion is evil. I don’t really disagree with anyone ever—except for wicked people, of course—but when people do disagree I try to help them all agree with the truth. If they won’t I go to my room and read my Bible.
5—I gravitate toward people who are:
A: Murderers and thieves.
B: Wily politicians and slick lawyers.
C: I haven’t really found anyone outside my family who is holy enough to be like-minded. My contact with people is limited to short encounters such as with the cashier at the grocery store, strictly for the purpose of witnessing.
6—People come to me:
A: Because I serve them beer, cocaine and sinfully rich chocolate brownies.
B: To hear me blaspheme God.
C: Because my countenance is so blindingly aflame with the truth of Christ that they flock by the droves to hear the secret of my peculiar separateness—or they would if they weren’t all fools.
7—People have called me:
A: A whore.
B: Cruel and heartless.
C: Prudent. In fact, my little sister’s name is Prudence because prudence is such a wonderful virtue. It means never taking risks which God—and your parents—don’t include in their life plan for you. Things like driving cars, smiling at boys, or taking a class at a local college may seem innocent but they can lead to all sorts of deadly sins and evil and wickedness and most of all, foolishness.
A: Something I take pride in.
B: Really fun, especially when I fail tests because of it.
C: Something I try to combat in my heart every day by learning what my parents say God says and by keeping my ears unpolluted by worldly things such as women’s rights, how to recognize spiritual abuse and any form of modern culture or science.
A: Are so strict because they like, don’t want me to do drugs and stuff.
B: Hide me in a closest because I’m so weird.
C: Are my source of inspiration for my whole life. They are my direct line to God and if I could I would marry them and live with them forever and ever.
10—When I’m around the opposite sex:
A: I behave like an animal in heat.
B: I drool uncontrollably, no matter the age difference or relationship.
C: I treat them as brothers/sisters in Christ. To clarify, I do not speak with them unless absolutely necessary to convey an important message such as “Your clothes are on fire” and if they address me I mumble a reply and flee to the safety of my parents’ umbrella of protection to escape a drenching in the thunderstorm of lust.
11—I know I can be foolish:
A: But that’s okay. I also enjoy jay birding while jaywalking.
B: Wait, could it be I’m not a fool? Nah, that’s a stupid thought.
C: And since I am hanging above the chasm of foolishness by a single slender thread I must strengthen that thread by screaming out loud to God whenever I see something evil such as a woman in jeans or a blank television screen in the electronics section of a store. Anything else would be foolishness.
12—Is foolishness a sin?
A: No, and I don’t think murder is either.
B: No, because 2+2=Hyperbole.
C: Yes, but not the kind of foolishness I have and struggle every day to overcome. The kind of foolishness you have is a sin.
13—To find wisdom, all I have to do is:
A: Wish on a star.
B: Smile and the world smiles with me…or something.
C: Fear the Lord and obey His commandments—and my parents’ commandments, and Bill Gothard’s/Michael Pearl’s/my local cult leader’s commandments.
For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with pestilence; and thou shalt be cut off from the earth. Exodus 9:15
There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men. Proverbs 30:14
His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Matthew 25:23