As January gave way to February, I noticed that my ex and I spoke for shorter lengths of time. He seemed busy. I didn’t give it much though, after all we were just friends and nothing more.
Then came the day that we had meet at the courthouse to renew our homesteader’s tax credit. Although I had been paying the property taxes, since we had both our names still on the title, we both had to sign the renewal forms.
As the matter has now become a legal one, I must be mindful of what I type. Suffice it to say, my ex suddenly denied ever agreeing to certain things pertaining to property division, things that we had BOTH agreed on when we broke up. In fact he was making a grab for more. Bearing in mind that it was MY money that paid for the land (and supported my ex for years), I was furious. We had an argument and left on uncertain terms. The next week my ex was due to drop off my indoor animals.
When he arrived to drop off the pets, he was distant. We spoke, but it was basics. He then said that he had stuff to do and needed to be off. We said goodby and that was the last time that we have spoken.
That Spring, I heard that my ex had gotten remarried! My first thoughts were “What the @#$%! I mean outside of “church” friends and his family, everyone I knew thought that I should have left him long ago. Even when my ex held down a job, his inability to manage money, his attitude, and his blatant gluttony and laziness had made him a questionable prospect for a mate. Now that he had “crashed” it was hard to imagine who would want him now. Some deluded soul did want a 300 pound alcoholic baby.
My source wasn’t real familiar with everyone at the church and had heard the news via another source. To learn more, I checked the church website and found several things.
The first was that my ex had put in a prayer request concerning division of a piece of property. The next was that he was now married. I realized now the reason for his distance. I didn’t care that he had moved on, it sure beat the “stalking” can’t let go type of ex. However, it was apparent that now that he had someone else, my ex no longer had to make any pretenses of “being friends” and his greed (always somewhat hidden) now came out in all its glory. It really told me why he had stayed with me. In fact, his displeasure at my leaving was more of a pride/ownership thing. What love had been in our marriage was long gone and I had become someone who owed him support. When I left, he stayed on good terms until he found someone else to glom off of.
The irony was that the few church functions that I had attended had given me a glimpse of his future wife. It was also ironic because I really don”t think that there was anything that had been going on between them, at least on my ex’s part. In the past, my ex had harbored secret crushes on certain women. They were usually married and unattainable. He never acted on his feelings, but I caught vibes from time to time.
I never caught any concerning this woman. In fact my ex had commented several times on some annoying attributes of her personality; that she was immature, acting like a child.
The woman attended church there, she is very concerned with being holy, getting all the Feast days right and so on. I don’t think that there was anything going on while we were married, in fact my ex found her childlike and annoying despite that she was our age. She is very dependent and is desperate for a man. I think that after I left, she saw her chance. Here was a man who believed like she did and an associate pastor to boot. What a catch!
I felt a combination of anger and sadness. On one hand, it was funny how quick he had gotten on. I really felt like an idiot for having hung in the marriage for so long when it was now obvious how over it had been for my ex. Sad, yet because this woman was getting the 400+pound booby prize. Worse, this woman was in many ways a perfect victim/enabler for this type of man.
I’m sure that she is learning some things along the way. The funny thing is that while I’m sure that my ex is trying to put his best foot forward, due to his nature, he will only be able to deny himself so long. What’s really funny is this time he will be crapping in his own nest. While this gal has been in an abusive marriage and is very much into being Holy and accepting various tenets including patriarchy, she too, may have a breaking point. Because she is very involved in the church, if things go south in their marriage, the lid may very well be blown off of my ex’s holy facade.
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NLQ Recommended Reading …
‘Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich
‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland
‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce