Millipede Part 29

However, he also considered it his duty to act as her male “head covering”. He considered himself a sort of stand in father with all the duties and controls. Considering that this woman was in her thirties, it was at times bizarre. Even my husband hated to have to act as a witness when the Pastor read her the riot act over some issue.

However, this woman, being a believer accepted the discipline, she believed in the whole “head covering issue”. At the same time, she sometimes did things that even a mainstream Christian wouldn’t do. It was as if she were a wayward teenager sometimes. I don’t want to spread her business, but suffice it to say, she had boyfriend problems on one occasion. I remember thinking if she was so devout how could she do that? In the end I think that she was desperate for a man.

Which leads to how quickly she snapped up my ex. He must have seemed like a prize; a fellow believer, a man of status in the church. I have no idea of how my ex treats her or what she has found in that marriage. I’m sure that on some level, his faults are showing through. I have no idea of what what she thinks of him now, but that is not my affair.
What it did make me realize is that for all of my ex’s attempts to forbid me from leaving, he really wasn’t that attached. I think that this is true with a lot of men who don’t want to let go. The wife that they have come secretly loath is still a bastion of support and comfort. They hate loosing the safety net; that’s all.

Unfortunately, we had some unfinished business concerning personal possessions. At first things were agreeable. Then came the his attempt to grab more. In retrospect, I think that this coincided with my ex’s having found someone else. He no longer needed the friendship and felt no obligation to honor any previous agreements. He also dropped any contact with me.

Spring came and went with no attempt to help with the expenses of the supposedly “shared” assets and I was forced to take legal action.

Things have been working in my favor due to foresight and actions that I had taken. Interestingly enough, my ex stated that he did not want to have contact with me and preferred to deal with the lawyer.

It is a funny way for things to have ended and yet, even as I marvel at all of the years that we were together, I am not altogether surprised. A person’s true character comes out over time. I know now that our marriage was doomed to fail in eventuality. However, thanks to our involvement in a Patriarchal branch of religion, it costs me a huge amount.

Comments open below

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About Suzanne Calulu
  • W. Lotus

    I’m glad you were able to get out while protecting your interests in the shared assets. Staying with him any longer would have been a horrible mistake.

  • Emily

    I have followed your story with interest but this post has left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. Badmouthing the new woman just seems petty and judgemental. I am sure her character sketch of you would be pretty unflattering.
    I’m glad you have got out of this marriage and can move on with your life. You are clearly very resourceful and will do much better without having to support deadweight.

  • M.

    I don’t think she’s “bad mouthing” the new woman, I have seen this behavior before in both friends and relatives who grew up or participated in similar religious groups. I don’t feel the article was written in a way that made a “judgement” about her as a person more about her actions she choose BECAUSE of these beliefs. I see this play out in my life, and it’s scary and strange to watch someone act with so little control: it helps to talk about it. I think this was an important thing to write, that’s all because the actions described ARE harmful to the woman’s life, they do prevent her from doing and experiencing a lot: and I can’t honestly say the people I know how act in a similar way are making a true choice to do those things. You cannot make a choice if you don’t know all the information because you don’t see what the choices are: you just run off script.


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