Quoting Quiverfull: Gratitude Changes Men?

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

 Kelly Crawford from Generation Cedar posted at Visionary Womanhood November 29,2012

 

 

I know one thing to be true: if you wish your husband would “do more,” start giving him sincere thanks for what he does. Give him sincere admiration for who he is, and he will strive to become more of who you want him to be. Men especially respond to gratitude.

This Thanksgiving season is the perfect time to express gratitude to our husbands. It’s an easy thing for us to do, but it can make such a difference in the harmony of our home.

Things to remember to thank your husband for:

  • Filling up the car with gas
  • Not pointing out all your faults
  • Working every day without complaining
  • Yard work
  • Taking care of the trash, the toilet, the oil in the car, and all the other yucky things
  • Particular character traits (is he calm, strong, loyal, playful…)

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • Nea

    My brain exploded on #2. The phrasing suggests that women ought to be expecting the men who love them to point out ALL their faults and thus it’s praiseworthy if he can keep his mouth shut!

  • Nightshade

    Thing is there is a degree of truth here, people in general respond better when their efforts are appreciated (not just men!), but this reduces gratitude to a tool of manipulation. ‘I’ll appreciate what he does so he will do more.’ Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, I dunno.

  • Mama

    Nea, I agree, but honey, if my husband quit nagging me and the kids all the time I’d be singing his praises from the roof tops! Seriously, that would be a huge deal for him, requiring a lot of inner change.

    Maybe that one about not noticing faults could be along the lines of “Thanks for not complaining when I blew the grocery budget last week.”

  • mary

    Number one, gratitude, while a great concept, is not gender specific. Number two, and I know this isn’t specifically stated here- gratitude should only be given if it is deserved. If my husband fills my car with gas, I’ll be happy to send a ”thanks babe” his way. But thanking him for not being a boorish ass?? Nope, not thing to happen. :)

  • Debra Helmer

    It is this very “advice” and pressure that kept me locked into a 20 year abusive marriage….I wasn’t praying enough for him, fasting enough, being grateful enough…or I would have won him over with my Godly behavior! OMGoodness! Please….

  • http://calulu.blogspot.com Calulu

    The gender specificness of that list just blows my mind. In this household whoever gets the trashcan out to the curb could be any one person that lives in the house, regardless of gender or family member status. And please! I’ve be freaking terrified if my husband tried to take apart the toilet to ‘fix’ it because it’s not his strength, but I can do it easily.
    Praise for everyday functioning is useless manipulation!

  • jenicillin

    praise for everyday things, praise for not acting like an abusive tyrant… these are the actions that turn boys and young men into entitled, narcissitic, self-absorbed asses. no one should be praised for decent human civility. it should be expected. just, yuck.

  • Jewel

    Amen!

  • Jewel

    Me too, Debra. I makes me furious.

  • Jewel

    And what if he never does any of these things (or anything else helpful) and does not currently demonstrate any positive character traits? Are we supposed to just make s*&$ up?


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