Recently I came across a very disturbing blog posting and another and another and another. It was from a blog that I’d quoted recently on No Longer Quivering for our Quoting Quiverfull feature. The post I used from that blog was one where the blogger’s husband tried to say it was alright for a Christian man to engage in polygamy if his wife didn’t stay attractive and slim.
What all those blogs and blog postings have in common is that they are all by Christians insisting that a man has a right to have a wife that fits his mental picture of who she should be, She should look like a hot porn star is the implication in a couple of pieces. If she’s not the hot goddess she was when you married her, then in these guys (and sadly, ladies too) minds then you should be able to either discard her, shame her into morphing into your fantasy girl or take another wife.
Fat shaming? Is that really a thing?
What? Isn’t Christianity all about the changes inside? Being the best you that you can be in your relationship with God. Changing from glory to glory for the glory of God. Being kind to others, helping others, loving God, loving people not being vainly concerned about your appearance all the time.
Many churches insist on modesty. Modest appearances, not concentrating on the flesh? Modest dressing? Where is that in any of these blog postings? Nowhere, just prideful boasting of ‘shiny boobs’ and not cutting your hair because your husband will hate it and you will be far less attractive to everyone else. No mention of personal choice, just bounded choice to the petty tin-plated dictator of a husband who doesn’t line up at all with Paul’s description of what a husband should be.
I remember attending a women’s retreat many years ago and being struck by nearly every woman there that I spoke with at length feeling like they failed on appearance, that they weren’t beautiful. Many felt like they were never ‘good enough’ Which really blew my mind because I thought they all were beautiful, capable, devout sisters in the Lord, with no faults but their own uniqueness. If I could have I would have sung Pink’s “Perfect” to all of them (and all of you.)
(Video NSFW: Contains F word)
I still feel that way about them, even the ones that I don’t see any longer. Beauty is seen in so many forms and types. There is beauty even in the most unlovely looking things if you only look deeper. True inner beauty too, which, to my mind, is a million times more important than the vessel your spirit is riding around in. Someone can be oh so fair on the outside and have a nasty dark black soul. Appearance is no indicator as to what lurks inside someone.
Even the Bible has this to say about exterior beauty – Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman that fears the Lord is to be praised”
It’s just this type of heaping on of guilt and pressure over something Jesus never mentioned that really pisses me off the most about Christians and causes me to still believe in Jesus but not the church and certainly not the people.
The great irony of all this is the fact that by spouting these opinions the bloggers are actually buying into the ways of the world, like those crazy pageant moms and their teaching their kids that only outward appearance matters. Way to go, way to be like crazy Momma June from “Honey Boo Boo Child”
Plus, if the ladies have to be ‘perfect’ looking, why is there no outcry over men’s huge beer bellies, smelly pits, stubbly chins and other less attractive things that aren’t even as supposedly bad as being overweight? I see way more unattractive and ungroomed men running around than ladies. Make them shave and bathe!
You don’t see any of the ladies advocating polyandry because their husbands are fat. Ooops! That’s right, men are perfect in that world. That’s a heavy burden to carry.
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Calulu lives near Washington DC , was raised Catholic in South Louisiana before falling in with a bunch of fallen Catholics whom had formed their own part Fundamentalist, part Evangelical church. After fifteen uncomfortable years drinking that Koolaid she left nearly 6 years ago. Her blog is Calulu – Seeking The Light and The Burqa Experience
NLQ Recommended Reading …
‘Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich
‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland
‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce