Quoting Quiverfull: Self Pity & Sexual Immorality?

by Jay Younts at Shepherd Press - April 12, 2013

A toddler sulks because she can’t play when it is time for a nap. A nine-year-old feels deprived because he has to share the video game console with his little brother.  A young teenager thinks he is an outcast because no one who is “cool” ever talks to him. All three of these children are candidates for sexual immorality and perversion.  You might think, how did you make that connection? Good question. Here is the why behind this thinking.

Sexual immorality is rooted in selfishness. The lusts of the flesh say that a person should be able have what they want or desire. There is cultural outrage that anyone, especially God, would set boundaries on sexual conduct. The core issue is discontent, self-pity, greed. Simply put sexual immorality is born of the notion that one is not getting what they deserve. Paul makes this clear in Ephesians 5:3-5, where he says that the sexually immoral culture in which the Ephesian Christians lived was driven by greed and lack of gratitude. He says that greed, which is blatant sell-interest, has no part in Christ’s kingdom.

This brings us to self-pity; I don’t have what I think I deserve. If this attitude is not challenged and defeated with gospel clarity it will grow and fester. At some point self-pity leads to action – ugly action. Sulking leads to brooding. Feeling deprived leads to hostility. Feeling cut off leads to finding identity in all the wrong places. 

It is important to have biblical vision to see where sins lead. It may not seem obvious that a sulking, whiny toddler is headed for sexual perversion. However, it is important to remember the first murder came from a heart and countenance that was downcast. A brooding child is not simply going through a phase. He is contemplating the gateway to hell.

Ask God for courage to connect the dots. Self-pity, in all of its forms, leads to an ugly destination. The best response is to be conscious of the goodness and glory of God. Holiness, contentment, and gratitude are the most powerful weapons to attack self-pity.  Show your kids the joy of the Lord.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • http://alisoncummins.com Alison Cummins

    “There is cultural outrage that anyone, especially God, would set boundaries on sexual conduct.”

    Actually, there is righteous anger that any person should presume they are in a position to set boundaries on what I do with my own body.

  • http://www.facebook.com/revsharkie Sharla Hulsey

    This is creepy from the word “Go.” A TODDLER is not a candidate for sexual immorality! A NINE-YEAR-OLD is not a candidate for sexual immorality! Anyone who thinks they are is in dire need of some serious help.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    “You might think, how did you make that connection?”

    Well, he’s right about one thing anyway.

  • saraquill

    Honestly, instead of trying to mine the thoughts of children and toddlers for sexual thoughts, it would be much simpler to lobotomize one’s kids. Many of those quoted here hate thoughts that don’t come from them anyway, and it would make their lives much simpler.

  • KarenH.

    And Ephesians 5:3-5 doesn’t really says what he’s claiming, either.

  • Rae

    He’s a little bit right: One of the major problems with America’s collective set of sexual ethics is a sense of entitlement. However, the problem is not the entitlement leading to “immorality”, but rather it leading to rape culture.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    I’d say that sense of entitlement is a big part of rape culture itself, not just something that leads to it. Of course that male sense of entitlement, that attitude of believing one “deserves” sex and is wronged if one doesn’t get it is downright encouraged in his own Christian subculture. He should take a look in the mirror, not at cranky toddlers, if he wants to know where it’s all coming from.

    Although, some how I doubt that rape is at the top of his list of priorities. My guess is he’s far more concerned with two consenting adults of the same gender having sex, or maybe two consenting adults of opposite genders having sex without wedding vows than with, you know, sexual violence.

  • Nea

    Aside from the total insanity of sexualizing toddlers and small children – and this is sexualizing toddlers and small children – I keep getting stuck on “a heart and a countenance that were downcast.” Because facial expression is TOTALLY meant to be policed on an equal basis as actual murderous intent.

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com Retha

    “… blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
    Jesus never policed unhappy people, ordering them to smile or else. He often gave them a reason for their unhappiness to go away by solving the situation that caused it, though. He finds the sisters of Lazarus crying because their brother died = He does not punish them for being unhappy, He raises Lazarus. He finds the people going to Emmaus unhappy over this Jesus guy who died and whom they still wanted with them = He explains to them that this Jesus guy actually rose again as promised, until they SEE it.

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com Retha

    “The lusts of the flesh say that a person should be able have what they want or desire…This brings us to self-pity; I don’t have what I think I deserve. If this attitude is not challenged and defeated with gospel clarity it will grow and fester.. .”
    If Jay’s wife refuses him sex, or do not want to clean the house or do some other task he wants or desires to have done, would he also say that his own attitude of “I don’t have what I think I deserve” should be defeated?

    Or to use an example whereby somene actually deserve something, If Jay’s client does not pay him the money owed, would he also say that his own attitude of “I don’t have what I think I deserve” should be defeated?

    I don’t think so. I believe he sets a standard for tots that their fathers will never try to live up to. (But then, I previously bemoaned how patriarchy seem to set a higher standard for toddlers than for adult men.)

  • Lyn

    I found this on Above Rubies FB page ( I know, Iknow I shouldn’t even go there !) However I believe this illustrates the attitude of “breaking children”that is prevalent in Fundamentalist Christian families. Could be that Child #6 just needs some time spent with him/her and to know beyond doubt that he/she is loved and wanted. Not just part of Mummy’s and Daddy’s Collection.
    “Desperately need suggestions: Child # 6. never had this issue before. I have a whiner! Every word out of her mouth is whining. I’ve tried about everything I know. Nothing seems to break this in her.”

  • http://saralinwilde.wordpress.com Sara Lin Wilde

    Yuck. It’s developmentally normal for kids to struggle with the tension between “what I want to do” and “what others think I should do”. A three-year-old hasn’t yet got enough life experience to know “if I don’t nap, I won’t feel good later”, and a nine-year-old may lack the social sophistication to prioritize “I will have trouble getting along with others if I don’t share” over “I really want to keep having fun on my video game”. That’s not greed; it’s just kids needing more time and experience to develop good decision-making and interpersonal skills.

    Pathologizing that as evidence of a sinful nature – and even creepier, connecting it to sexual sin in particular – is just downright uninformed. Personally, I would worry about a kid who’s too compliant and not attached enough to his/her own self-interest. It’s not good to be at the mercy of anybody who tells you what you should think or do.

  • Nea

    And yet the quiverful folks have a very creepy insistence that to be a proper person, you have to be happy all the time – despite the fact that it makes everyone on the outside not think “wow, it’s fun to be Christian” but instead “wow, what a creepy cult!”

  • Tori

    WTF? My kid gets grumpy, she likes to do her own thing at times, at other times she feels more social. At her age I felt (although I would not have articulated it as such) that I HAD to behave in a certain way,and also FEEL it. Anything else was considered stubborn and disobedient. This was not helped by my mother willingness to mete out (in retrospect) pretty sick levels of * disciple* I can’t change the past, but I can choose to let it not affect her future. thats all I try to do. as to the sex issue, certainly very young children pick up on gender roles (but i don’t think they marry it to the physical act of sex), I remember (and saw it in my lil one) having curious thoughts and self exploration from six up (okay, not the self exploration with my kid, not sure how i would have handled that!) But it is not SIN, it’s just normal neural development and hormonal activity. No more or less, and it give NO adult a right to take adavtage of their vulnerablility.


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