Quoting Quiverfull: True Love Waits is Satanic?

by Vaughn Ohlman from Perservero News

A friend passed me on a link to an incredibly popular post on marriage… knowing that I write on such things. And I read it, and wanted to cry (It’s Ok. I didn’t actually cry. And it was written by a girl so I’m allowed to be a bit emotional about it, all right? Calm down there in the back!). It was incredibly poignant.

It was a post by an unmarried older woman. An ‘old maid’. A woman who had taken the ‘purity pledge’ and believed for years that ‘true love waits’. And had waited. And been disappointed.

These young ladies breathed in the false fumes of the dating and courtship movement. ‘Just wait’ they were told, ‘and the perfect husband will come along.’ But he never did. Their knight in shining armor never arrived.

I’m sure that most of them are under the impression that the church’s view on this has been the same down all of the generations. That the church has always taught ‘True Love Waits’, even back in the days when it was written in Latin on purity rings: “Verus Amor Manet”.

But it wasn’t. They didn’t. Far from saying ‘True Love Waits’, the church fathers (the protestant ones. Catholicism is another issue.) told the young people to, ummm, marry. And the church and their fathers were supposed to make sure this happened.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that True Love doesn’t wait. True Love can only come from Christ, and can only be exercised in obedience to Christ. And Christ, via Paul, commands True Love to marry. That is, unless it has the gift of celibacy (Hint: If you are writing blog posts about your frustration in not being married, you don’t have the gift of celibacy).

True Love does not wait, it marries. But unfortunately the Church isn’t teaching that. And not only that but it is teaching a very particular kind of ‘waiting’. It is teaching that waiting, in and of itself, is a ‘good thing’. That it is a ‘waiting on the Lord’. And they teach that the waiting serves the purpose of helping the young man or woman grow in Godliness enough so that they qualify to get married. If you aren’t married, they teach, it is because you aren’t Godly enough. If you would only become more Godly, then God would grant you a husband (or wife). [1]

This leads many women, especially, to begin to follow the path of seeking Godliness, not for its own sake, not for God’s sake, not out of love for Christ… but in order to ‘win’ themselves a husband. They pray, write, and work to make themselves ‘good enough’ for the glorious gift of the perfect husband. The one designed just for them, the one that will meet all of their needs.

(But, of course, one of the most important ways in which they teach each other that they need to be Godly is in ‘learning’ that a husband will not meet all of one’s needs. Indeed that is one of the triggers proposed for a woman becoming good enough for a husband: learning that he will not meet all of her needs. So in order to get the husband which will meet all of her needs she needs to learn that a husband will not meet all of her needs. The pathos in some of these blog posts is just incredible.)

Scripture teaches something which is near to being the opposite of this. While the modern church is teaching our young (wo)men to become perfect in order to get married, Scripture teaches them to get married in order to become perfect. Perfect as in growing in Sanctification. Perfect as in being obedient to God’s commands.

God shows us that an elder of the church learns to be an elder, is proved in his qualification, through the furnace of family life. “If a man know not how to rule his own house,” Paul asks, seemingly sarcastically, “how shall he take care of the church of God?”[2]

Paul desires that the young women, “marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. “ Saying that because of disobedience to this precept, “some are already turned aside after Satan.”[3]

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

About Suzanne Calulu
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughn-Ohlman/100000095932931 Vaughn Ohlman

    >>True Love Waits is Satanic?
    I’m not sure I actually said ‘Satanic’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chantal.chauvet.54 Chantal Chauvet

    I’m curious. What Protestant Church fathers are you thinking about?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Suzanne-Harper-Titkemeyer/1605911351 Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I think one can actually make the leap of logic from what you quoted as Paul that you consider ‘Satan’ at work. – “ Saying that because of disobedience to this precept, “some are already turned aside after Satan.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughn-Ohlman/100000095932931 Vaughn Ohlman

    Chantal,
    Calvin, Gill, Henry, Luther
    Suzanne,
    Yes, one can make the leap. I was just pointing out I didn’t actually say it. I would agree, actually, that the denial I Tim 5 is turning people to Satan.

  • Saraquill

    I’m annoyed by the girl=emotional comment in the first paragraph.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Get married ASAP and start popping out kids! All that matters in life is that you get tied down to a point where the church can exert maximum control over you…Forget things like compatibility, or economic stability, or quality of life…God will handle it all. After all, there aren’t any starving kids on the planet. Or people living in abject poverty. Nope, God takes care of them all!

    What a riot. This person is completely twisting the meaning of “true love.” And he’s making a mockery of the life-long commitment that his religion requires out of people who marry.

    Oh, and there is absolutely no reason to not have sex before you marry other than the fact that the bible can be made to look like it claims you shouldn’t. Sexual compatibility is one of the big reasons marriages fail, but apparently this is yet another thing that God will just hand-wave away? Makes sense if you listen to the people who teach that men are always in charge and women exist solely to push out kids.

    There’s so much fail in this I could write a book.

  • Kristen Rosser

    Actually, doesn’t “True Love Waits” means young people are supposed to wait to have sex until they get married? I somehow doubt if Mr. Ohlman disagrees with that. Instead he talks about waiting for the “perfect” man. I agree that it’s not going to work to wait for someone perfect– but there are more alternatives to that than, “let your father pick your mate for you.” There’s a thing called going out and living life and meeting people. It really does work.

    Christian women would be less desperate to get married if the church would stop teaching that marriage/childbearing is what women are for. Neither Jesus nor Paul nor Peter nor James ever taught anything of the sort.

  • a-mckeown

    Ok, I read 1 Corinthians. It says the opposite of what this guy is saying. Married couples are called worldly, the unmarried best to stay as they are. That fathers who don’t give their daughters in marriage do better than the ones that do give their daughters in marriage. That marriage is a concession from the Lord. If this guy only understood why human marriage will one day end as a practice.

  • Victoria 1

    Vaughn, I admit to being a bit shocked. Can you tell me, simply and clearly, when you use the word “betrothal” do you mean an arranged marriage, where the parents of the bride and groom simply choose partners for their children, and the children are expected to marry as instructed? Are the children allowed to demur? Only the boy? If the couple proves incompatible, do you believe in divorce? Do you believe love has any place in deciding who, and if, you will marry?

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