Quoting Quiverfull: Giving Our Daughters to the Imperfect?

by Vaughn Ohlman of True Love Doesn’t Wait – Giving our daughters to imperfect young men

As harsh and unfeeling as it sounds to our ears, a daughter is not seen in Scripture as a rose to be hidden under glass, but a gift to be given. Her fruitfulness is frequently mentioned, her delicate sensibilities less so. She is seen as at her best when rising to a difficult task, not when tenderly sheltered. And the entire focus of Scripture is not on her father, but on her husband. How then can it be the role of that father to refuse to give her to that husband?

“But,” it will be asked by many fathers, “don’t I have the right to refuse a given suitor?” Of course a father does…if by ‘right’ one means power. If by ‘right’ one means, ‘is it the right thing to do?’, then it must be asked if, by denying this suitor, the number of marriages in the church is being increased. If so, then yes. A non-Christian young man can, indeed should normally, be refused. An excommunicant young man, still living in unrepentant sin, should also be refused. Marrying one’s daughter to one of these decreases the number of Godly, Christian marriages and so defeats one of the purposes of marriage.

How is it a form of obedience to God’s charge to ‘Let every man have his own wife’ to answer ‘but not my daughter’? How could God have said, “It is better to marry than to burn” and have meant that only perfect young men should marry?

James says

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.(Jas 1:2-4)

Do we not deny our daughters this joy when we are overly protective? Do we not deny them the opportunity to grow and be fruitful? We definitely deny them the blessings of being one with a husband, the delights of the marriage bed which the Lord chose to give us a whole book about.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • marie

    um sooo much wrong with this I don’t know where to start. but how about we first quit acting as if our daughters are property to be bought or sold/ sorry given or kept……ugh…………

  • Trollface McGee

    As harsh and unfeeling as it sounds to our ears, a daughter is a legal person in her own right and she, and only she makes the choice to enter into a relationship with another person provided she is of age. If she is “given as a gift” without her consent, that’s a criminal violation of her rights.

    Morally, the idea that one would consider the idea of marriage without any mention of the wishes or desires or CONSENT of half of the married party is disgusting.

  • Nightshade

    Since Mr. Ohlman also believes that fathers are to choose wives for their sons, in his view marriage does not require the wishes, desires, or consent of EITHER married party.

    Isn’t a parent supposed to be doing what is best for their child(ren)? Isn’t that the purpose of a parent? This guy is basically saying ‘screw what’s best for my daughter, it’s the man’s benefit that counts.’ Unfit parent much?

  • Trollface McGee

    The guy’s main premise seems to be “guys are horny so let’s give them women.” I guess it seemed like he gives guys a bit more agency as they get to be the suitor and ask the girl’s father to be given the girl as a gift. But yeah, that’s just what the world needs more of, arranged marriages.

  • Nightshade

    Yeah, his view does seem to get a little fuzzy there, he stresses that children even as adults must obey their parents, including in choice of spouse, then says that men are to be looking for a wife, so I suppose it could go either way on that question.

  • AlisonCummins

    I think part of the issue here is that she isn’t of age.
    True love doesn’t wait. There’s no need to be stingy with your daughter when tomcats come sniffing around your doorstep. Let her go. Right away. Encourage it even — maybe force her, which as a thirteen- or fourteen-year old girl she may not have the power to resist. After all, you wouldn’t want to deny her “the blessings of being one with a husband, the delights of the marriage bed which the Lord chose to give us a whole book about.”

  • NeaDods

    You’re just going to jump on him every time he opens his mouth, aren’t you? I approve :D

  • NeaDods

    Solo women are “gifts to be given,” their “delicate sensibilities” are of no concern, and it’s a massive favor to them for their lives to be tough.

    He’s not only advocating sex slavery – and let us mince no words, this is about handing women over to a stranger without her consent specifically for sexual exploitation – he thinks it’s somehow *better* and more holy that they dislike it!

    I know he has kids. If any are girls, I hope someone is watching, ready to call CPS on their behalf before he traffics them in the name of god.

  • Sarah-Sophia

    The writer thinks that as long is it is a godly Christian man his daughter will be respected, and he probably thinks that sexual exploitation cannot take place in a marriage.

  • Saraquill

    This man calls himself a Christian? The “better to marry than to burn” quote is from an apostle, not G-d. Furthermore, those words came on the heels of saying that celibacy was best, with marriage as a back up plan.

  • NeaDods

    Judging from his comments here on previous posts, he doesn’t think women or non-Christians are quite people, and that NOTHING matters except his interpretation of god’s wishes.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    “After all, you wouldn’t want to deny her ‘the blessings of being one with a husband, the delights of the marriage bed which the Lord chose to give us a whole book about.’”

    Hear that, creepy old men who want to be accomplices to the rape of young teenage girls? You’re just giving her “the delights of the marriage bed.” And probably thinking waaaaay to much about her experiencing them. This guy gives me such a skeevy vibe.

    Every time I think he can’t get worse, he tops himself. This passage just dumbfounds me. He really does think that the mere fact of men (or boys) having sex drives entitles them to a girl with whom to get it out of their systems so they don’t “burn.” He should really just come out and say “Women, you have two purposes: to be sub-human, God-approved jizz rags for guys and to be cogs in a machine to increase the total number of Christian marriage and babies.” I’m sorry if anyone is offended by the vulgarity of that sentence but it’s really the only thing that truly expresses the depth of his grossness and the level of his disdain for women to me. Vulgar words for vulgar minds.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Not merely arranged. In some current cultures where arranged marriages are common, both parties actually get a choice in the matter. They have the power to turn potential matches down. Arranged marriage in this case just means that it’s considered the responsibility of the parents to find their children’s spouses and they are expected to keep things like similar interests, personalities and general compatibility in mind when doing so. It’s not the way I’d want to roll but it seems to work for some people and I know that some people actually prefer to have their parents do the work for them, since they are given the veto option.

    What he’s talking about are forced marriages…

  • persephone

    Miss Perfect from Vaughn’s last post must celebrate daily that her father said no to Vaughn. I can only imagine the Vaughn’s wife is wondering when she agreed to ride the crazy train.

  • persephone

    Vaughn always seems to miss those verses. Typical QFer.

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha Faurie

    Yes. “Better to marry than burn” does not mean every guy with a sex drive is entitled to a partner, but in context it means that every Christian male whose sex drive is hard to say no to should rather see to it that he becomes the sort of guy whom someone wants to marry.

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha Faurie

    And he actually, via his blog, advertises that his girls (assuming there are girls among his children) are available – from for any horny guy who tells him that he (the horny guy) is a Christian with a lust problem. I agree that someone should call CPS in time. But I don’t think that “when he wants to marry them of at say, 14 or 15″ is in time. What messages about themselves will they have internalized by that time? Can someone investigate now, find out where he lives, if he has daughters, and perhaps do something now?

  • Madame

    Yep. Forced. That’s the word.

  • Madame

    So this man says true love doesn’t wait is biblical?

    What does he have to say about Jacob, who worked and waited 7 years for a woman he chose, all to get her older sister given to him (daddy wanted to assert his right to choose which daughter he gave first, I guess), but then, instead of delighting in the wife of his youth, he went on to work 7 more years for the wife he truly wanted. Moral of the story? Let them youths choose each other!!!!!!

    Joseph. What was he doing waiting around on Mary?

    Ruth. She went to a field and threw herself at the feet of a man. Er… she SLEPT at the feet of a man, hoping he would cover her with his cloak. Ruth’s dad was long left behind in his moabite village. I guess she’s redeemed by the fact her mother-in-law told her to do so. Maybe there are different rules for widows.

  • NeaDods

    Alas, with American law, him offering to traffic his own daughters is legal because it’s just words. When he does it is when it’s illegal.

  • gimpi1

    I find the True Love of his site name True Love Doesn’t Wait interesting. How can you have True Love with someone who you don’t meet, someone picked out for you?

    Perhaps it’s some kind of Christian True Love that I, as an apostate, don’t grok.

  • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

    Yes, exactly. I have no issue with arranged marriages where both parties have the right to say “no, thats not quite right for me”. I have a friend who had one of these and she is insanely happy in her marriage.
    Forced marriage on the other hand is abhorrent.

  • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

    Gah, he actually has to action it for action to be taken against him? Thats awful!


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