Quoting Quiverfull: Obeying Your Parents Will Keep The Porn Away?

by Vaughn Ohlman of True Love Doesn’t Wait – Pornography III: Hear, Oh My Son, the Instruction of a Father

Pro 5:1 My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding:

There is a long forgotten doctrine, once universally held in the church, that would, if followed, provide a great bulwark against pornography, prostitution, fornication, adultery, and divorce. Oh, and child-murder. It is a very, very unpopular doctrine. The most conservative of conservatives disagree with it. The most radical of Presbyterians have no idea Calvin taught it. The most Reformed of Reformed Baptist are clueless that John Gill preached on it.

Solomon could be said to be the chief spokesman for it. Again and again Solomon mentions this doctrine, again and again he states that it is a bulwark against sexual sin. And yet, again and again, our modern preachers and commentators pass lightly over.

What is this strange doctrine? The doctrine of ‘honor thy father’. (I will wait a bit for the howls of protest to die down, as my audience screams that of course they believe in honoring their fathers!!.).

Pro 5:2-5 That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.

How is it that the modern church doesn’t believe in this doctrine, doesn’t teach this doctrine, has perverted this doctrine out of all historical recognition? What is this doctrine? What did the church historical teach? How does that differ from what is taught today?

The church historical taught that young men owed their parents life-long honor (yes, quiet down, I know you think you believe that) and that this honor consisted of: respect, care… and obedience. Read that again. Obedience. Life-long obedience to your parents. No, not ending when you turn eighteen. No, not ending when you get a job. No, not ending when you get married[1]. Life-long.

Pro 7:1-5 My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.
Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.
Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.
Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:
That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words.

While you take a deep breath and read that again I will answer you next question. “How does that help with… with what you said?” Well, first of all, lets face it, most of us, when we became adults, rather threw off the shackles. We liberated ourselves from all of the protections that our parents had provided. And our parents, unfortunately, thought that was OK. Before we were used to having to tell our parents when we were going to be in, who we were going out with, etc., once we became *adults* we ignored all that.

The result? Well, it is a lot, lot easier to stay out too late… and do too much… if you never had to ‘report in’. If you had no rules. If you had no rulemaker.

What about when we are married? How can parents help then? Well, in my opinion the question almost answers itself. They have been around the block, marriage wise. For many of us our parents have been married longer than we have been alive! [2] They have been there, done that. Or done something else equally stupid. Let me tell you about the time my mom and dad had this fight… well, maybe another time. Let’s just say that my mom applied the words ‘let not the sun go down on your wrath’ with a vengeance (and a cup of water).

Pro 13:1  A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.

“Oh, but I go to my parents…” Oh, really? Like you would if you actually thought they had authority? Maybe not direct authority over how you deal with your wife[3], but direct authority over you and your spiritual affairs? Direct authority to rebuke you for being stupid and unloving? You go to them in that sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I heard this story the other day where this couple tells their kids they were separating (hint: the kids were devastated). And I kept hoping someone would answer the totally inane speech about ‘how it is for the best’ with ‘no it isn’t! It is totally immoral and unloving!’ But nobody did. But maybe parents could have. Perhaps the father or the mother, or both, could have taken the couple aside and instructed them in their duties re I Cor 7:3-5, Ephesians 5, Titus 2, and Proverbs 5.

The wife may need to be instructed in being submissive to a husband, even if he obey not the Lord, as I Pet 3 says. This is a hard duty, and one that is not often taught.

Pro 31:1-3 The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.
What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?
Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

Or perhaps one or other of the couple needs instructions from the rest of I Cor 7… on dealing with an unChristian spouse. Or a spouse acting as if they were a non-Christian. Let’s face it; if the Scriptures tell the Christian spouse not to leave their non-Christian spouse unless they get kicked out… how is that two Christians think that one of them is allowed to leave their family, leave their marriage bed, just because things get tough? It would take a father with authority to deliver a message like that.

I think that for my audience this will be my hardest post. What we are talking about here is taking on one of the sins of the age. It is written:

Rom 1:29-32 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,  Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,  Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Did you catch that? In the middle of all of those horrible sins, hard to dream of in a child, at least in their fullest form, we have ‘disobedient to parents’. And today we have made that a virtue. We actually celebrate it when an ‘adult’ defies his parents. We call it ‘coming of age’. We call it ‘becoming an adult’. We call it ‘growing up’.

And all of that is completely unBiblical. Scripture doesn’t teach any of it. Indeed all of the Biblical characters, most particularly Christ, contradict all of it. All of Scripture teaches that the authority and instruction of the father are to guide us lifelong.

Oh, wait a minute. But what about pornography? Well, read my previous post and ask yourself how much easier that issue would be when addressed by an authoritative father or mother. Not an ‘equal’, not a parent busy pulling away to let their children be ‘adults’… but by an authoritative father.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha Faurie

    Does Vaughn Ohlman’s parents approve of every word he say on the Internet? And will he stop saying it if his parents disagree?

  • stairway to heaven

    There is also language in the Bible about the sins of the father being visited on subsequent generations. Probably also applies to bat-crap crazy.

  • newcomer

    Some thoughts:

    - It’s weird how he uses ‘parents’ and ‘father’ interchangeably. There’s a plural, there, dude.

    - To what lengths does ‘obedience’ apply? Sins? Crimes? What about a parent who is mentally compromised (mental illness, drunk, drugged, dementia)?
    - If you imbue another person with absolute authority over you in all spiritual matters, whether husband, father, pastor, etc, are you not violating the whole ‘no having other gods before me’ thing, especially when their orders are directly opposed to biblical commands?

  • NeaDods

    In what universe does he live, to think that patriarchy isn’t father-centered and women aren’t preached at to be submissive? Also, I’m what universe does the story he’s telling not have a father? The father tells the kids the parents are breaking up, and V’s all, why didn’t daddy tell them no? Well, someone’s daddy was saying “This is happening, kids.” That father doesn’t count?

  • NeaDods

    Also, someone is seriously threatened by the notion of his kids becoming autonomous adults, isn’t he?

  • persephone

    Nah, Von is the exception the proves the rule. He is the voice crying in the wilderness. He rolls a 20 every time. He’s the one who will show us all how it’s done.

    My guess is that Von’s kids are young enough that he hasn’t really had to deal with serious disobedience, so he runs his mouth because he thinks he’s an expert. (We’ve all known the non-parents or young parents who think they know it all.) He’s going to show us all how it’s done. He’s going to show his parents and his church and Miss Perfect’s father just how awesome he is.

    My other guess is that the stress of trying to support a growing family–currently eight–on his income is starting to stress him out.

    Once his kids reach puberty the desperation and failure will overwhelm him. Abuse will become a daily occurrence. His family will pay the price for.his hubris.

  • persephone

    The issues are so high the dam is failing.

  • persephone

    Von has the typical patriarchal attitude that it’s all ultimately the woman’s fault.

  • Trollface McGee

    I love how he reads “honour thy parents” = “obey the father”. Apparently, in fundie land, human beings reproduce asexually like amoeba. No wonder they are so hostile to women, they’re interfering with the cell division.

  • Saraquill

    …But what if dear dad works in the porn industry?

  • kilda

    which is funny, because according to him it’s the men that are supposed to be totally in charge. Women get none of the power, and all of the blame.

  • Madame

    Our marriage has been threatened by too much obedience to “the father”, and not listening to “the mother”.

    What happens if father and mother don’t agree? Which one of them should you listen to? whose authority will keep you from all that sin?

  • Madame

    True.

  • Madame

    In the very beginning, marriage was defined as “leaving father and mother and cleaving to wife and the two become one flesh”.
    In my book, that means that LEAVING one’s parents is necessary to start one’s family. Leaving doesn’t have to be going off to some geographically remote place, but it does imply some setting of boundaries, some becoming responsible for one’s own decisions and actions.

    I completely believe in listening to people who have “been there” and getting counsel when the going gets rough, but our parents may not always give the best counsel.

    Von keeps forgetting that faith is an individual thing and that living the Christian life is something that only happens when one is transformed from within. Parents will try hard to get their children to “appear Christian” (in his circle), but unless that child is him/herself a Christian, and is on the path of mind-transformation, that child is simply acting like a robot.
    And Jesus said something about loving him above father and mother, and how he brings the sword, separating children from parents, in-laws even!

    Von also uses the word “obey” – in the Bible- too rigidly. I understand that “obey” sometimes means “listen to”, “pay mind to”. Of course we want to listen to and pay mind to the advice our parents give us because they know us well, but for us to want to do that, guess what? parents have to LET GO! – something Von has no intention of doing-

    He’s too hung-up on authority.

  • Baby_Raptor

    So…Basically he’s saying that 1) A person’s offspring never stop being their property and 2) If your dad says “No porn” then POOF! There go all your issues! His words are magic!

    Uh…I hate to bring reality crashing into his little bubble, but that’s not how it works. My boyfriend “honors” his parents to the point of causing serious issues with our relationship, but he still likes his porn even though they discourage it.

    Oh, and then there’s the usual “Kids aren’t property,” “women aren’t submissive breeding cows to be handled,” and “kids are supposed to grow up and leave the house.”

  • Trollface McGee

    Silly, the father of course. The mother, in Von’s world, is just a baby/sex factory with additional ironing/cleaning/cooking features.

  • Madame

    I know that would be Von’s answer, but where the Bible says to honor your father it also says to honor your mother. Of course, in patriarchal families, the mother is busily obeying the father too, so there wouldn’t be any open disagreement.

  • Nightshade

    I dunno, I think there’s something not right here-in addition to the obvious, that is. On the ‘True Love Doesn’t Wait’ website there is a transcript posted of an interview with his 22 y/o son of Vaughn and Mary Ohlman. In it the question is asked ‘Are you married or betrothed right now? Have you successfully gone through this process?’ and the answer is ‘No.’

    The 22 y/o son apparent is not betrothed or married. Let that sink in for a moment. His father claims to believe in parent-arranged/forced marriage as soon after puberty as possible. Unless there is something wrong with the son physically it’s a fair bet that he didn’t undergo puberty at the age of 21. Inconsistent much?


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X