Sunday Shout Out – Is it ‘Sinful’ to Take Time For Yourself?

Nancy Campbell has stated in yesterday and today’s Quoting Quiverfull that it’s selfish to take time for yourself or to stop and pamper yourself as a mother and wife in any way. No going out for a blissful massage and pedicure, no going to the local gourmet coffee shop to drink coffee and read a book, no going off to something ‘adult’ like a book club. It’s all sacrifice all the time in the perfect world of motherhood Nancy espouses.

How realistic is this do you think this is, dear readers? Is it good or harmful to need time away from the daily grind? Post your thoughts below or send me your posting on this subject to my address CaluluNLQ(at)gmail(dot)com. I’ll post the responses to this question on Thursday. Be as long or as brief as you like.

(Editor’s note: Sorry the above photo looks so hostile but I wanted to pay homage to the final season of “Breaking Bad” and Walter White. It is one of the best examples of how the average guy can morph into a monster when he gets his hands on money and power.)

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • Lolly

    I think from a child’s perspective, having your mother be a martyr is actually a burden to them, adding an unnecessary layer to that relationship. No one really asks to be subjected to someone else’s martyrdom.

  • https://www.facebook.com/jean.hoehn/info?collection_token=1524166867%3A2327158227%3A35 Phatchick

    IMO, to use an analogy N.C. would understand (since we are basically just tools to be used by God and our families), you can’t use a tool 24/7, it wears out. We recharge our phones, notebooks and drills when their power gets low. We should show ourselves at least as much consideration as we do the inanimtate tools we use everyday.

  • Mary O’Grady

    As my father used to say, “Living martyrs stink.”

  • Trollface McGee

    Sinful? Of course not. It’s practical, people need rest to function at their mental and physical best. Even God rested on the seventh day. Being burnt out isn’t good for anyone.

  • Kristen Rosser

    I wrote a FAQ answer to this question for QF women some time ago, which is in the FAQ section here. Here’s a link: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2011/06/nlq-faq-should-there-be-a-you-in-quivering/

  • shuttergirl46q

    Once again, the quiverfulls are ignoring God: On the seventh day, God rested.

  • Liz R.

    Oh NC advocates rest, it’s called “reading your Bible until you are grateful” copyright pending :P

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha Faurie

    Far from regarding rest (“time for yourself”) as selfish, God put up rest as one of the 10 commandments. You know, those messages He wrote on stone with His own hands?

    “Exodus 20:8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.”
    Rest – and read properly, it is not “going to church” or “reading the Bible” as even my upbringing would suggest, but rest – is commanded by God, not a selfish luxury that proves the rester is less spiritual.

  • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha Faurie

    There is also that little “love your neighbor as you love yourself” thing. If it is wrong to spend time on yourself, is it wrong to spend time on your neighbor?

  • Latebloomer

    As the daughter of someone who never took time for herself or spent money on herself, I can tell you that approach leads to disconnection from others. My mom now doesn’t seem capable of heartfelt enjoyment–in everything it seems like she’s just going through the motions and trying to conjur up the “right” emotions. It’s impossible to connect with her because she’s not THERE.

  • Theo Darling

    You gotta put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

  • Lolly

    I think your mother would be considered a fundamentalist success story. Any emotion felt by a woman is wrong and sinful, so when your mom can’t dig any up, then yay. In what way does this type of practice position women as “Above Rubies”, whatever that means. And as you’ve pointed out, when a woman is shamed by Nancy into forgoing any small moment to herself, this is good for children how? From what you’re saying, it just creates a difficult or non-existent relationship down the line, when really just loving and cherishing your children is plenty good.

    Are fundie women actively trying to make motherhood sound like a grim life sentence? Not only are you expected to serve and serve and serve without end, but women have yet one more extra layer of anxiety, one step out of line, one momentary thought for their own needs, and they are subjected to the harsh judgment of everyone around them. Because if they are, mission accomplished.

  • Joy_F

    Seems awful – I can’t imagine to be honest. I have left my son with caretakers since he was three weeks old (though that was my mom) to have some moments of sanity at least a couple times a week. How is it selfish to have other interests and not be “obsessed” with your children.

  • ILoveJellybeans

    Everyone needs time to themselves, especially if they have very large families, which is quite a tough job to have, it would be like living in a daycare but with less staff available and not being able to go home at the end of the day and watch bad reality TV in your underwear.
    I think its good for a parent to have a life outside of their children and spend some time doing things they enjoy without having small children about-even things like being able to use the toilet sometimes without a child banging on the door, or coming in and asking you whether a lion could beat a tiger in a fight or why oranges are called oranges but bananas arent called yellows.
    It gives them a chance to recharge a bit, which means they will feel happier and less stressed with their children. The kids will also not feel smothered by the attention-especially not as they all get older. Toddlers love having all of their parents attention, but once they get older, they are not going to want to be mommys best (and only)friend.


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