Quoting Quiverfull: What is ‘Courting’?

The news came out yesterday that the third Duggar daughter, Jessa, was in courtship with a young man from church. Here’s Ma and Pa Duggar’s explanation of what Courtship is.

by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar from People Magazine and ABC News.

Jim Bob explains: “Courting is getting to know each other in a group setting, both families spending time together and the couple setting goals together to determine if they are meant to marry. With dating, a couple will often pair off alone and that sometimes leads to a more physical relationship.”

“Courtship is not just about having fun,” she (Michelle) continues. “You are really considering if this person could be your life partner – you pray about it and see what happens.”

Though other men have approached Jim Bob to ask if they could begin a relationship with Jessa – as well as his other older daughters – Jim Bob says that Ben is the first to make the cut.

“He’s the first one she has shown interest in that has a spiritual focus and legitimate calling about ministry work,” he says. “When a guy is pursing your daughter, you want to check him out and see if there are any red flags and with Ben, there hasn’t been. He is very sharp. It appears like a match made in heaven.”

Michelle, 47, explains. “Jessa and Ben have said that was the only contact they would have, when they initially greet each other, when he comes to visit for their first hello, they have a quick 30 second or less side hug and a goodbye side hug and they agreed that would be the only contact they should have.”

“They want to wait on the physical relationship until later,” she adds. “If there is an engagement that comes about, they will work together on their goals and standards for that.”

Michelle: “She and Ben are open to encourage others who may be considering relationships that you can stay morally pure and wait for the one God has for you and then on your wedding day, begin the physical aspects of your relationship.”

“All of our family is involved in this relationship. It is an exciting time.”

Comments open below

 

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

 

About Suzanne Calulu
  • http://www.facebook.com/sabreean Brea Plum

    “Jessa and Ben have said that was the only contact they would have, when they initially greet each other, when he comes to visit for their first hello, they have a quick 30 second or less side hug and a goodbye side hug and they agreed that would be the only contact they should have.”

    Maybe I’m missing something, but how does this equate to getting to know each other? If that’s courting, then I courted *everyone* I went to church with.

    • Brennan

      I’m pretty sure she means physical contact. So . . . at least it’s a half-step down from those “the first time we held hands was at the altar!” couples?

  • https://www.facebook.com/jean.hoehn/info?collection_token=1524166867%3A2327158227%3A35 Phatchick

    OMG! A guy who actually made the cut?!? I’m not sure wether to admire his courage or be appalled at his foolishness.

  • Brennan

    I shouldn’t make fun. But . . .

  • texcee

    Why does this feel so incestuous?

    • Saraquill

      Because the dad was giving all of these men a thorough examination, while daughter is permitted no more than brief shoulder to shoulder contact.

  • teaisbetterthanthis

    Translation: Jessa is a 100% Quiverfull girl, has voiced no doubts or hinted at rebellion, so she’s being rewarded with being allowed to get married. And Ben’s family has money/connections, and he has a strong future and also buys the Quiverfull party line. And Jessa doesn’t hate looking at him.

  • Lolly

    Most likely, JB and M did none of these things when they met, although the only thing I know about their show is that it is quite dull. I saw one episode once to see what the hubbub was about. Who has time to watch all those people load up into a bus to go somewhere.

    Mostly I feel really badly for this girl whose personal relationship and life is being exploited by her parents to get in the papers and to push their beliefs, the ones they didn’t practice themselves. If they had any respect for her, they would have kept their yaps shut, because sometimes things backfire and that’s totally unfair to Jessa. But there are episodes to film, agendas to push, money to be made and images to uphold. And there is just something weird when the standards of holy perfection your kids are required to meet are the ones imposed, but not met, by the parents. I mean, it’s tough to buy into the idea that courting is the only way to have a pure, Godly blah blah blah marriage, when your own parents didn’t even meet that way. At that point, it just seems fake.

    In 3-6 months, say hello to the Duggar Defenders who will be summoned to this site to tell us how horrible we are for not bowing down before the spectacular awesomeness that is Michelle, breeder extraordinaire, and who are we to be so judgmental and how dare we. Answer: Toddlers and Tiaras. There, I just saved everyone a whole bunch of time.

    • brbr2424

      I read a People article about them while I was waiting to see the doctor. Michelle was a cheerleader in high school and they had a normal dating relationship. Then they dove head first into this cultish fundamentalist social experiment. I wonder how well this holds up through several generations. The second generation won’t even have been exposed to the evil outside world that they need to try to protect their own kids from. While their non fundamentalist peers are valuing education, they will have successive generations of undereducated women and used car salesman, landscape (lawn mowing) business owning men.

      I’m waiting for one of Duggers to come out gay. With that many children, odds are one is gay.

    • Madame

      This:

      “Mostly I feel really badly for this girl whose personal relationship and
      life is being exploited by her parents to get in the papers and to push
      their beliefs, the ones they didn’t practice themselves. If they had
      any respect for her, they would have kept their yaps shut, because
      sometimes things backfire and that’s totally unfair to Jessa. But there
      are episodes to film, agendas to push, money to be made and images to
      uphold. And there is just something weird when the standards of holy
      perfection your kids are required to meet are the ones imposed, but not
      met, by the parents. I mean, it’s tough to buy into the idea that
      courting is the only way to have a pure, Godly blah blah blah marriage,
      when your own parents didn’t even meet that way. At that point, it just
      seems fake.”

      Exactly!
      Who are Jimbob and Michelle to take away their children’s right to a private life (and don’t tell me they just “love it”!) and exploit them for money? It’s disgusting.

      My little sister likes them and reads their books. My mom was singing their praises, and I asked her, what do you think of them parading their family like that in front of millions for money? She wasn’t that excited any more.

  • Saraquill

    It will be rather hard to determine if they’re a good long term match, what with the constant chaperoning, the deeply instilled fear of contact, and lots of cameras focused on them. That is far from an auspicious beginning.

    Add to that the increased pressure to look perfect for the TV show, in the off chance that their pairing will bring in converts, and to make the parents feel superior about themselves.

  • Penguin

    Except… considering they (Jessa and Ben) are never alone (according to Jim Bob and Michelle), they AREN’T getting to know each other. A lot of people are vastly different in groups versus with one person. If you were to only get to know me through group interactions, for instance, you’d barely know me at all. I’ve a very retiring personality, even in groups of three, and tend to be very quiet unless I’m only with one person (even around people I know very well, like best friends or family).

  • Donsie

    Sorry, but can someone explain what on earth a side-hug is? Is it, like, each putting their arm around the other’s shoulder? Is this a common name/concept in QF in particular or do tons of other, non-QF people say it and I just missed it?

    • Madame

      Yes, that would be it. I guess a side hug removes the possibility of well covered breasts coming in contact with his clothed chest or well-clothed genitalia accidentally meeting. It also prevents eye contact.

      I give frontal hugs to people I feel close to. They just seem more apropriate in most situations. People I don’t feel so comfortable hugging may get a side hug or none at all.

    • http://www.ramblingsofanundercovertck.blogspot.com/ Danica Newton

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