by Suzanne Calulu cross posted from her blog True Love Doesn’t Rape
The chapter of Libby Anne’s review of Debi Pearl’s “Created To Be His Help Meet” I posted yesterday at NLQ: ‘The Tale of the Purple Flowers PJ Girl’ triggered me badly this morning. So much of it was utter ridiculous twaddle, the crap that if you actually believe it will wreak havoc with your relationships. It would take me days to point out everything wrong with Debi’s points if I were to break it down.
But the biggest lie that jumped out at me was this:
“…… you have no right to expect him to love you when you are unlovely.”
Bullshit. Double bullshit. Debi is talking about your husband loving you, how you have no right to an expectation of love if you are unlovely.
This is really the sickest and most twisted. In reality in marriages there are going to be lots of those ‘unlovely’ moments, even if you’re the most beautiful creature on this planet. You and your partner can’t help it. We’re all human and things happen.
Times when things are going haywire and aren’t all peaches and creamy are the moments where True Love is really shown.Those times when you have to rush him to the hospital or sit by his bedside for days on end in the hospital. Or you yourself gets sick or you have vomit in your hair for caring for a sick child. Perhaps you’re going through a major depression and cannot stop crying. Name a scenario that isn’t something flattering and there you go.
Those are the times when our bonds of love are put into action. I remember around twelve years ago when I was having bouts of asthma and pneumonia a night when I was changing the sheets on the marital bed as my husband sat at his desk. I started coughing uncontrollably before projectile vomiting all over the sheets, the bed and the bedroom. I started crying I was so embarrassed, feeling miserable physically on top of the embarrassment. My darling husband just sighed, told me to go clean up and he’d deal with cleaning up the vomit covered room and getting fresh bedding on the bed. I showered, he cleaned up. Yeah, I know my example is gross but I feel like it illustrates what true love does in those unlovely moments.
I wonder how Debi would spin that scenario? She’d likely say that Michael would leave the room as she apologized for the mess. She’d rush around cleaning it all and apologizing some more I’m sure. He’d been annoyed stomping around about her daring to be ‘unlovely’ around him.
Emotional ‘unlovely’ isn’t any different than the physical but with true love the response should be the same.
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Calulu is an empty nester lives near Washington DC with her husband, cats and various rescue birds. She works at a residential treatment center for children and is also the administrator of NLQ. Was raised Catholic in South Louisiana before falling in with a bunch of fallen Catholics whom had formed their own part Fundamentalist, part Evangelical church. After fifteen uncomfortable years drinking that Koolaid she left nearly 7 years ago. Her blogs are True Love Doesn’t Rape and Calulu – Seeking The Light
NLQ Recommended Reading …
‘Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich
‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland
‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce