by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
The last section on the Prophet begins. Debi, prophetically, informs us of how in-laws will destroy your marriage.
“Having the blessing and guidance of parents is priceless for many reasons.”
The fact that Debi home-schooled her children terrifies me. With the topic sentence above, a reader would expect to the author to explain why the blessing and guidance of parents is useful.
There is NOTHING in this chapter that supports that sentence. ZIP. ZERO. NADA.
It’s a dangling thesis.
” You are embarking on a new life-start it right. Once married, the Scripture teaches: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) “<
Gotcha. Note the subject of the sentence is “a man.” Debi spends the rest of the chapter bashing women although I can’t imagine anyone being surprised by that.
“When you marry, your father will give you away in marriage. You will belong to another. ”
In the Catholic Church, no one gives anyone away. Theoretically, all of the parents enter through the main aisle, then the bridal couple enters the sanctuary together. In the USA, most women are walked down the aisle by their father and/or mother, but that is a cultural construct that happens before the actual ceremony begins.
My dad walked me down the aisle. I know that he had been looking forward to that since I was a baby. Dad’s a very good man and an excellent father and I was happy to walk with him down the aisle. Dad hugged me, hugged Nico and went to sit by my mom. There was no hand-off that I remember – just tons of hugs.
On that same note, Nico asked my mom and dad for their blessing before he asked me to marry him. Blessing NOT permission. Why?
A. Nico planned to ask me to marry him even if my parents said no. After all, I was not the property of my parents.
B. Nico knew if he asked for my parents’ permission, they would have said no because they wouldn’t want me to marry someone who viewed me as a piece of property.
C. If I had ever found out that he had asked for permission, I wouldn’t have married him. I’m not a piece of property.>
I don’t “belong” to my husband. I promised to be true to him in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and honor him all the days of my life. In other words, I vowed to be his wife.
“If you marry a Prophet-type man, this verse of Scripture will take on much greater significance. Here’s why. If your mother has a gentle spirit, she will have a very difficult time understanding your ‘crazy’ husband. Her gentle heart has always been “never to offend anyone” regardless of his or her error, but if your husband has the heart of a prophet he will be standing on truth “no matter whose toes I tromp!” Poor, kind, Mama… it will take her a while (probably after the third child) to come to appreciate this MAN who reigns as leader of you and your home.”
Question: Did the Prophet-type man act like a jerk towards his future in-laws during the courtship process?
If the answer is no: Shouldn’t we be more afraid about how easy it is to snowball the parents during the courtship process?
If the answer is yes: Why would you marry your daughter off to a disrespectful jerk?
Either way: Dating sounds better and better.
“God, in his great wisdom, knew how dismayed sweet-hearted mama would be; hence he gave instructions to Adam when Eve and, by extension, to all couples thereafter, as we find repeated in the books of Matthew, Mark and Ephesians. The need for observing this precept is revealed inMark 10:4-8. “And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness for your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”
I’ve read the first sentence 10 times and it still doesn’t make sense. I think a chunk was left out between “Adam when Eve and _____________” That is EXACTLY how it is written in the book.<
I was curious why Debi alluded to three sets of instructions in Mark, Matthew and Ephesians, but only wrote out the quote from Mark. Since the verses that parallel Genesis only cover Mark 10: 6-8, I figured that the portion about divorce in Mark 10:4-5 was important to the point Debi was making.
Matthew 19:1-12 is similar to Mark 10:6-8 but not identical. Matthew allows for divorce when sexual immorality occurs AND states that some people would be better off single and abstaining from sex rather than married. I guess Debi didn’t want to open that can of worms since I can’t see her writing a book called “Called to NOT be a Help Meet: Being Your Own Woman.”
I got really confused when I tried to run a search for the term “divorce” in Ephesians because since Ephesians never mentions divorce.I got a much better result when I ran “marriage”.
Ephesians 5:31 is a literal quote (with quotation marks and everything) of Genesis 2:24. Another amazing scholarly breakthrough by the Pearls! The writer of Ephesians had read Genesis!
Oh, wait. We knew that already.
That’s 10 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.
“In our ministry we receive thousands of letters seeking help for hurting marriages. Many issues could instantly be solved if both the man and his new bride obeyed the simple rule of leaving and cleaving. “
It’s important for a newly married couple to create their own life together separate from their families of origin. Yes, failure to do so can cause serious problems. “Leave and cleave” isn’t an instant fix, though. The problems are usually deeper and more complicated than that.
“There are good reasons why the term mother-in-law evokes negative thoughts in the minds of many.”
I’m insulted on behalf of my mother-in-law who is a great lady and on behalf of my mom who is also a great mother-in-law.
I just realized that for 5 poor souls….DEBI IS THEIR MOTHER-IN-LAW!
“Once you marry, your honor and allegiance belongs to your man. “
How does my honor belong to my husband? What does that even mean?
“Of course, you will probably forget what is written here…so I have an idea to help you keep this important bit of information ready for your coming day:”
Yes, Debi. We have the brainpower of a small newt. That’s why we’re reading your books instead of reading something useful.
Take a sheet of pretty paper and write a commitment: “I, ___________, make a commitment this day, _______, to honor, reverence and obey my Prophet/Visionary husband for the man he is. I will appreciate his dreams; I will not listen to anyone bad mouthing him, and I will remember that I am his help meet to stand with him in all that he wants to accomplish.” etc.
Roll your document and tie it with a ribbon, the store it away in your Treasure Chest. If you do marry one of these rascally Prophet types…this rolled-up, written commitment might save your husband a whole lot of irritation.”
OH. HELL. NO.
When I was young, my mom worked in Loss Prevention. A point she drove home over and over: Never sign a blank check.
That tidy little scroll may save your alleged future husband some irritation, but no woman should blindly promise to obey anyone.
Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide