Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Unsure if He Likes Me, What to Tell Other People?

AnsweringThis letter from one rather confused and very immature sounding young lady fully illustrates the problems of isolating your children that occurs in the QF world. Knowing how to handle crushes and interactions is an important part of growing up that this young woman skipped.

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem,many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always  all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

Unsure if he likes me, what to tell other people?

Hi everybody. I wrote about this guy a while back who I thought liked me. I was expecting him to make some kind of move at that time, but was given advice to not push him and wait it out. I saw him sporadically over the summer. After 6 months nothing happened and I thought, “Well, it’s over. He just likes me as a friend and that’s that.” I was kind of bummed out, but I have a lot of excitement in my life so it wasn’t a big deal.

However, I’m starting to get confused again. He started a Bible study at his house with some other young people and invited me, so now I am seeing him 2 or 3 times a week. He is friendly and jokes around with everyone, but he picks on me twice as much as anyone else! Before I tried to brush it off as “he’s like that to everyone” but he does single me out. The other day he said, “You know why I pick on you so much? Because you’re so pickable!” Huh? I know there have been other girls who thought that he liked them, so I really don’t want to make that mistake and would rather err on the side of caution. But it’s becoming a little obvious to other people and I’m not sure what to say. The other weekend I was with a friend and he called my cell phone. She saw his name and wanted to know who he was, after she heard a one-sided conversation of him basically asking me out (spending time one-on-one). Then I fumbled around trying to explain who he was and that I liked him but wasn’t sure if he liked me, blah blah blah. I’m not one to gush about my feelings AT ALL, so it was really wierd.

So that is problem #1. I want to keep my options open just in case he isn’t “the one”, but it’s kind of obvious that he singles me out. He might think that we are just friends and treating me accordingly, but people don’t know that. How do I explain to friends and family what is going on?

Problem #2. There is this other girl who started hanging out with our group a year or so ago. I was basically the catalyst for this connection. She got to be friends with this guy’s sister, and would hang out with us once and a while (this was when the brother was gone). Now the sister is gone, but the brother is here and my friend is seeing them all more than I am. I feel like she is after the guy I like. More than that, I feel like she used me to get ‘in’ with this group and now that she’s in we are not as good of friends as we were. She is very “spiritual” and much closer to the other girls than I will probably ever be. And I think she sees me as less spiritual. Which is fine, whatever. But it makes me secretly happy when the guy ignores her and chooses to talk to and be around me. I know this is probably wrong, but didn’t she bring it on herself? I don’t have these feelings toward the other girls. I don’t know what to do with the real/supposed tension between us. All this is going on in a very sweet, nice christian environment where nobody would say anything mean about each other. But there is something I don’t like about this girl.

Thoughts?

Anyone have anything they’d like to tell this confused young woman?


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