Below you’ll find the correspondence between someone I know from another web community and clueless Biblical self-described patriarch Larry Solomon from Biblical Gender roles. How Larry never figured out someone was pulling his leg so hard they almost broke it off I do not know even if he stopped responding after a while. Despite descriptions of sex working, WWE, fake fiances, fake miscarried babies he still gave advice. The catfisher assumed the fictional life story of a well known plagiarist from NaNoWriMo that has stolen writing from her, I and a host of others, and wrote to Larry using her words. Doubly delicious because it sends up both Larry and a this unidentified plagiarist.
I’ve been sitting on this for over a year, hoping that Larry would respond to my writing friend again and not quite sure this was something we would ever publish. Seeing other clearly fictitious letters Larry answered recently tells me that the time is right. Plus Larry clearly no compunctions about publishing the emails he gets to illustrate his own points without asking the permission of the original author.
First Email titled ‘Help Me BGR’ dated October 2015:
I’ve been reading your blog for about six months now. I found it when I started Googling for advice on mah husbands refusal of spouse to provide sex. However, even as I am a faithful submitting Christian woman the problem with sex has nothing to do with me not submitting, or refusing sex with my husband. My problem is just the opposite.
About 16 years ago when I met my husband neither of us were believers. We did like the world did, engaged in premarital sex. I ended up pregnant, we married and I lost my babies right after we married. I was pregnant with twins. After some ups and downs, including him physically assaulting me I relaized that this was all my fault because I was trying to rule him and control the relationship. I turned to the Lord and started to make the changes within myself and committed to being the best wife ever. Submittin ain’t hard if you do it happy like.
My hubby and I got back together again after he showed up under my window one night to serenade me with a song and roses. A few months after that he accepted the Lord as his own personal Jesus savior.
The marriage has been mostly happy. I cater to his every need, but.. as time has gone by he’s had fewer needs for sex. When he does want sex he wants things that just are not what I would consider Biblical. He’s brought a camera in our bedroom and wanted me to perform sexually on camera. He bought a large number of sex toys into our lives, insisting I use them on camera. I am not comfortable with this at all, but I do it, I do it because I submitt and his sexual needs are important to me.
The other sex problem is that he only wants sex every couple of weeks. I need sex, at least every other day, or I walk around in a fog of unfufilled sexual desire. He puts me off with saying he’s too tired, or not in the mood but he does watch porn on his computer when he thinks I’m not watching. I’ve walked in on him masturbating several times now.
Before you ask let me just say I take very good care of myself. I’m shapely and pretty. I take care with my hair and my makeup. Other men eye me and I get flirted with out in public often. I know I am sexy and desirable, used to win beauty pageants back before I met my husband Xander.
Unfortunately the same cannot be spoken about my husband Xander. He’s gotten quite unfortunately fat, with thinning hair and he’s careless about his grooming. Sometimes he goes days without showering so that when I do persaude him to have relations with me I have to smile, hold my nose and ignore his smells.
I don’t know what to do. I have prayed without ceasing for him. I have gone along with his bizarre sex requests. I’ve taken every suggestion over what he likes in my appearance to heart and I’ve tried to submit even more. Nothing has helped and I’m too embarassed by my problems to take them to our pastor. I don’t want to cheat but I cannot keep living like this.
Out of ideas so any suggestions you might have would be appreciated,
Larry’s immediate response:
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. The death of you baby twins is something I am sure you still carry with you. My niece lost her first child last year– the child (a daughter) died suddenly with no warning two days after she was born. So I have witnessed this kind of grief first hand, and it sometimes can even tear a couple apart.
I am also sad to hear you husband physically assaulted you, and if that was something he repeated I would tell you to leave him – you don’t have to submit to physical abuse.
As far as all that stuff he has been asking you to do on camera. I am all for couples trying to spice things up, and I have been asked if I think it is wrong for couples to tape themselves or even upload images of themselves having sex. My answer is no – I do not think it is wrong as long as it is consensual by both parties.
My wife would be comfortable with the things you are describing that your husband requested and I would never pressure her or force her to do that. I do not believe God would hold you as an un-submissive wife for refusing such requests as they are a violation of your conscious.
I believe what is happening is your husband has an addiction to porn. On my site I talk about the fact that I do not believe it wrong to look at nudity or sexual situations or even “some” kinds of porn. Men especially have a very visual nature and we love to look at a variety of beautiful women. However when it interferes with your sex life with your wife – you have now allowed yourself to become addicted.
You have every right as a Christian wife to desire sex with your husband every other day – that is not unreasonable.
I would sit him down and have a very respectful conversation. Do not make him feel like a pervert for looking at porn. But help him to realize he has gone overboard and is neglecting your needs as his wife.
This is just an example of what you could say:
“Honey, I love you so much. I love how you provide for me and take care of me. I love to spend time with you. I know you are a man and have a natural drawing to look at beautiful women and I would never fault you for that. I don’t want to get in your business as to what you look at on your computer. But it would be one thing if you looked at porn but were still wanting to have sex with me on a regular basis. But you don’t want it that often. You want it every two weeks and that is not enough for me. Now I know I should initiate to, and I will try to do that more often. But I need you to want me too, I need you to initiate more often than every two weeks.
Also I just need to let you know that I don’t feel right about us taping ourselves or me using vibrators for you to watch and tape, it is just not something I am comfortable with and I need you to accept that.”
Also on a side note – do you try to initiate with him?
I hope this helps.
I hope this helps.
Larry wants details
L— does not reply quickly. In fact it’s about three weeks later that she responds to Larry’s ‘advice’ with an even stranger tale.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but he’s limiting my internet access and I know you’ve had a busy week what with the radio show to boot.
I do try to initiate, but he keeps telling me that my indicating that I want to have sex just turns him off tremendously. Says it’s ‘unfeminine’ something whores do.
Last weekend I tried to talk to him using your suggestions. It did not go well at all. He’s upset with me now and has taken the liberty of limiting my online time to punish me for speaking to him like that. He thinks my even bringing up a discussion of my needs is disrespecting his authority. He started giving me a long list of things he’s upset with me about and most of them are pretty ridiculous, things that happened well before I knew him, or involving my desire to have a child. I don’t know what to do further to get through to him.
And Larry replies again immediately always eager to give advice to the unwashed whore-masses:
As long as you spoke to him respectfully – If you said something similar to what I gave you below there is no sin in what you did . The issue lies in his stubborn refusal to confront his own sin. It is NOT disrespecting your husbands authority to simply respectfully bring your grievances to him. It is also not disrespecting him to tell him there are just certain things like taping yourselves having sex that you are not comfortable with.
I have heard of the “long list” of things with other people and I have experienced it in my own marriage. My wife no longer denies me sexually(after a lot of discussions between me and my wife, and then in counseling with our Pastor and his wife). But we still struggle as to the “quality” of our sex life but that is different than just being flat denied. But whenever I have gone to have the sex conversation in the past with my wife she used to throw up the “list” of all these things I was doing wrong and it was to throw up what I call “a smoke screen”. It’s just a distraction. They don’t want the light shined on their sin – they want to change the subject to you and your wrongs as quickly as possible to get the light off them.
L— – now that you taken step one, its time to move on to the next steps. I know you said you are too embarrassed to take him to your Pastor, but I don’t think you have a choice.
As a Christian wife you cannot discipline your husband because he is your authority. However you can go to his authority because he has failed to address your grievance and remains in willful sin. There are certain sins that a husband and wife must simply cope with, we don’t always go to our Pastor. But there are a few sins that we are not to just cope with, but rather they must be confronted. Things like addictions, physical abuse and infidelity and sexual denial must be confronted.Go to your Pastor and his wife and explain the situation and see if they will come out to your house or if your Pastor could convince him to meet with them.
L— – you must be ready for a long and hard fight to confront this sin in your husband’s life. You may have to put your marriage on the line. There is no soft and easy way to do this. It may even involve separation and ultimately divorce. Your husband cannot sexually deny you as he has been doing.
Our friend steps up her ridiculousness with Larry and he’s still clueless.
It has been awhile since I’ve written you because my husband took away my lap top. Remember me asking about my husband withholding sex yet spending a lot of time watching porn and masturbating.
I did what you suggested and took him to our pastor. But the pastor sided with him, saying that my past was reason enough to not have sex with me. They also sort of ganged up on me for my business, insisting I give up my business to save my marriage. I would hate to do that because I work more hours and make much more money than my husband.
The thing that he brought up with the pastor is the fact that my job publicizing WWE athletes and events keeps me away from home at night and on the weekend. He taking away of my lap top for some months makes it worse because I’m forced to do most of my business correspondence away from home on the library computers or sneak it on my tablet.
Been ordered by the pastor to give up my lucrative business to stay home and be a housewife. Husband is also accusing me of sleeping with the wrestlers I work with. which is a lie.
At the end of my rope and thinking about leaving,L—
I am so sorry to hear that things have not improved but have gone from bad
to worse. I am proud of you that you had the courage to do this this right
way and confront this sin with your Pastor. As you will know from my site I
am not advocate for women going and “telling” on their husbands to
counselors or their Pastors for everything they do wrong. But there are
some serious sins that can be cause for divorce where I believe it is right
for a woman to use the Pastor as a witness to the husband’s serious and
unrepentant behavior. This is what you did and this was the right thing for
you to do.
I am floored by this statement about the Pastor you counseled with:
“But the pastor sided with him, saying that my past was reason enough to
not have sex with me.”
That is horribly advice that Pastor gave him unless by your “past” it was
revealed that you committed adultery against your husband while you were
married. Then he would have the right to divorce you. But short of that he
has NO right to deny you based on other past behavior.
What specific past behavior did the Pastor feel granted your husband the
right to deny you sexually? I am very curious what this past behavior was.
On the “job” front you know from my site that I am not a big proponent of
women having careers that take them away from their home for any great
lengths of time. I believe the Bible is clear that a woman’s focus is to be
on her husband, her children and home and if she has a business out of her
home that is ok if it does not cause her to neglect her first duties to her
husband, her children and her home.
I think you need to consider this issue of your career. When a woman makes
more than her husband this can have a psychological effect on many men. We
as men are designed to be the providers. In the same way that you as a
woman are designed to feel sexually desired and beautiful by your husband he
is designed to feel that you desire and are dependent upon him for his
protection and provision. If a man does not feel that from this from his
wife or if the situation makes that impossible because you work more than
him and make more money from him that could affect his desire for you.
This happens over time. A man and woman start out fine. He is working
providing maybe she works, maybe she does not. But in the beginning even if
she worked he was the primary breadwinner. Then she begins to work more and
becomes more successful in her career and makes more money than him. She is
gone a lot and she does not need his provision anymore. In turn this kills
his desire and libido towards her because he no longer feels like “the man”
anymore . He then turns to pornography to feel more like a man in his
imaginary world of women desiring him.
Maybe this is not what happened and I could be all wrong. But is there any
possibility something like this happened?
What I am saying is this – his sexually denying you is completely wrong.
But I do think you need to consider if any of your behavior or especially
your career has contributed to his lack of desire toward you. Don’t
misunderstand what I am saying – I am NOT agreeing with this Pastor that he
has any right to sexually deny you. But I do think you need consider what
may have happened to his desire for you.
Dear Larry, thank you so much for your blessed advice and so sorry I didn’t reply to tell you what happened.
Shortly after you emailed me back we were evicted from our apartment. Turns out that Xander has not been paying the bills, he’s been spending my money from my job on only heaven knows what. We’ve been bouncing around living on relatives sofas. This last month I finally left Xander and managed to get into government housing because I’m partially disabled. I am mostly deaf.
More than anything I want to make my marriage work. I spend every day and night, as much as I can, on my knees praying for God to bless our marriage and help me be a properly submissive wife. I even managed to not say anything critical about Xander during the eviction or be disrespectful to him.
He is refusing to move into the apartment with me, says he’s entitled to a divorce from me because of my working hours and the fact I did some things I’m not proud of during my single years before I knew JEsus. I got so desperate for money at one point that I signed up for an escort site and had two paid ‘dates’ before I realized this was not right. I worked as a prostitute twice and Xander will not let me forget this. It’s what he shared with our pastor! That plus the fact that around the same time I wrote a pile of pornographic books, which still sell pretty well. I still get money for the books even if I wrote them years ago! The books gave me enough income for us to survive along with what I made from my publicity clients. He’s upset I did both of those things and constantly throws both things in my face all the time. Says knowing I wrote porn turns him off too much for him to sleep with me.
At least during the last nine months of being homeless Xander could not look at porn much. I’m miffed that he thinks it’s fine for him to look at porn but he’s upset bout me writing some before I knew him. Plus he’s living with his aunt right now while I’ve set up this apartment, and I think something is going on between the two fo them.
Considering allowing him that divorce, stopping my career and waiting patiently for a nice Godly man that wil not deprive me of my rights.
Last contact from Larry and it’s pretty generic.
I am sorry your husband has not realized his current sinful behavior especially in the area of him sexually denying you and holding your past against you.
I pray that God will break the pride in his heart and show him that he is a sinner too and that perhaps he will come back to you do what is right. But if he fails to do his duty as a man both providing physically(with sex) and financially with money then you may have to allow him to divorce you or you may have to divorce him. Just give it some time and wait on the Lord to guide you
Gasp! Did Larry really counsel divorce?
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