Answering “Preparing To Be A Help Meet” = Is My Grief Normal?

Answering

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 18 … [Read more...]

NLQ Book Review: The Hand on the Mirror

handinthemirror

by Suzanne TitkemeyerWhen Patheos was asking for people to review 'The Hand on the Mirror: A True Story of Life Beyond Death' by Janis Heaphy Durham I was intrigued by the subject matter. In my years at my old church I'd participated in many a house cleansing and the occasional exorcism. Particularly interested after a few experiences I've had after beloved pets passed and something that happened during my vacation last summer  I became even more interested in the idea of the survival of the mind after death. Plus I've had my experiences through the years with the paranormal that cause me to believe that there is life beyond death. It's the one core belief that keeps me from fully … [Read more...]

Survivors Guilt

lanahope

by Lana Hope cross posted from her blog Wide Open Ground originally posted June 2013Daily I tremble in memory of friends left behind. As a Daughter of Patriarchy and fundamentalism, I am left to remember all the faces of those who didn’t make it out. I suffer from survivors guilt.  I don’t suffer from the spiritual abuse so much. I can accept that I will always be a foreigner in my own land. But gosh I hurt that so many friends have been left behind.This happened two days ago when I thought about my best friend from childhood (particularly high school), and I remembered that I was not invited to her wedding (she invited everyone else in childhood). It hurts not just that my friend rej … [Read more...]

Not Quoting Quiverfull: What To Say To Someone Suffering

Notquoting

by Nancy Guthrie from John Piper's Desiring God blog - What Not to Ask Someone SufferingEditor's note: Most of the time when I read Desiring God I have to say 'ugh' at the terrible Evangelical Quiverfull ideas it contains. This is different, this is something I think all of us in recovery can learn from. It's a good list of what to say to someone suffering. Guess even places with bad ideas will occasionally stumble over something that isn't so bad after all. … [Read more...]

Sea Legs

Ellen

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsFor the first several weeks after we were tossed out of our church I felt like I still had sea legs.  I had learned over the years to walk somewhat steadily – or at least with a great deal of familiarity – as the wind and waves of spiritual abuse crashed over and around me.  Though I found myself on solid ground, my body, mind, and spirit continued for a time to lurch and sway as though I were still on board that hulking monstrosity of a church from whence my spiritually abusive treatment had pounded unabatedly. … [Read more...]

Cry Baby

Image by Kaleesha Williams

by Kaleesha Williams cross posted from her blog The Lost (and Found) Mind of Kaleesha WilliamsWho are you crying for? Me. I weep for myself, for the me that was.  Part of the grief process, I suppose.  The stark contrast between my life now and the life I was living two years ago continues to jump out at me at occasionally and I end up in tears.  The scars are all there… … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Going To A Quiverfull Church While Infertile Why?

Quoting

by Jennifer from her blog A Home With A Purpose - When Being At Church Hurts: InfertilityEditor's note: This is truly heartbreaking, being a member of a church that embraces Quiverfull yet unable to have any babies. Being tortured with frustration at the easy fecundity of others in your church isn't being 'sanctified', it is cruel, it would be cruel of any deity to demand you be constantly in the presence of your deepest desires with no way to obtain them. That's not a loving God. … [Read more...]

Bob Jones University: Hope Before GRACE Storm

jenga

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceMy life has become tremendously busy, I've not done a tenth of that which I planned over the past two months, but I am grateful that a friend sent word to me about the status of the Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment's report concerning Bob Jones University.  Its release is planned for the morrow and concerns whether the school appropriately fulfilled their legal obligations to report felonies of physical and sexual abuse that were reported to them by their students.  It also addressed the manner in which the staff, the administration, the school's system of managing student behavior, and the counselors addr … [Read more...]

Day 3 of 21 Days of Healing: Reclaiming Your Own Power Part 2

bayou

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsIf you are following the 21 Days of Healing, please remember to continue to work on changing your brain. You will want to continue to replace the messages that your abusers gave you by focusing on the truth of what God has to say about you and your relationship with Him. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3 … [Read more...]

Day 1 of 21 Days of Healing: Change Your Brain

Eilean Donan Castle

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsWhile my most recent church experience involved over a decade of abusive conduct toward me, the church I attended before was also fraught with spiritual abusive. So for nearly 20 years, I had been beaten down, kicked in the corner, and had my standing as a Christian questioned. … [Read more...]


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