Dispelled: Part 11 Raging Rapids on the Sea of Change

by ChandraJune came in on the wings of a splendid spring for Darren and I. My world had never been sunnier. It was a hopeful season full of the amazing gift of love between a man and his woman. We both knew we were going to become engaged, the question was one of timing.The lease for the sugary little condo that I was renting with my friend was going to be up at the end of June. Due to the situation of my relationship with Darren, and the seriousness of it, this was going to render me without a place to live. My two dear friends were going to be moving in with three other girls, and due to occupational ordinances there was not room for one more person. I knew what my options … [Read more...]

Dispelled: Part 10

chandra

by ChandraIt didn’t take long for myself and Darren’s lengthy friendship to turn from dating to committed to one another. We were very much in love, and our voluminous email correspondence had already paved the ground for much of our relationship. I was so happy- I had met the man that I had been dreaming about marrying since I was old enough to dream about getting married.As a homeschool girl, getting married and having a family was something that was very near and dear to my heart. I had thought about going to school, and I wanted to go to college, but the fact that my parents did not allow me to take the ACT or SAT tests-and they offered no other form of assistance- left m … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Introductory Questions

by Libby AnneWelcome to Raised Quiverfull! Nine young adults who grew up in the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements have come together to answer a series of questions about their experiences. All of these young adults have since questioned and left these ideologies and have chosen their own life paths. The goal of the Raised Quiverfull project is to inform. Click here for the Raised Quiverfull introduction.This section, Introductory Questions, showcases the participants’ responses to three introductory questions. If you would like to read the questions and answers to these three questions in one document, click here. To go to the other sections and read the par … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 9: Sparks Fly

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraI still remember what I was doing on Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001. It was a gorgeous morning, crisp azure sky with nothing but the blissful autumn sunshine overhead. Not even a cloud. I pulled into the church parking lot, sunroof back and something along the lines of Green Day blaring. I arrived at the office early, unlocking the door and booted my computer, prepping to attend to the stack of projects that pastors needed completing. I glanced over the counseling schedule for the day and realized that it was going to be a light day. A … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 8: The Road to Freedom

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraIt wasn’t until this past year, while speaking to my counselor, that she looked me in the eye and asked of me, “Did you ever think to call 911?”Something like a tidal wave went through me. I still feel like I am picking up the pieces of that.“No,” I replied. “It never even dawned on me.”I still don’t understand the full implications of living in such a mind-controlling cult. I really don’t. It’s…indescribable really and I often feel like a blundering, clumsy writer trying to articulate it to the outside world. The truth is that … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 7: Surviving Abuse

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraFor a brief while, the storms in my life had appeared to reach a kind of calm. While I still, at 17, remained friendless and lonely, at least Candi’s abusive and bullying behavior towards me took a backseat as I prepared for my last year of “high school.” My education, all twelve years of it, had been a complete fraud. The closer I become to achieving my degree in Special Education, the more I am dumbfounded how one parent could let their child’s academic achievements become so neglected. Not only am I a soon to be educator, I am also a … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 6: Growing Pains

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraFor the last six months, I dreamt of living in Texas and of being free. I knew that I didn’t know Gabe, but just the thought of getting out of the hell that I was currently in was all that I cared about. Everything else paled in comparison to the nightmare that I was living. My optimism still kept me going, and I was confident that even though I had been keeping an enormous secret from my parents, and that I didn’t know who this guy was, I would still find love and freedom. Two things I desperately wanted.I began to use the bab … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 5: Freedom Longing

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraMy sixteenth birthday was fast approaching and something unusual was going to occur: I would be allowed to have my second birthday party, and this was no small matter: It would be my first co-ed party. I had sufficiently stuffed my depression and became exactly what they wanted: quiet, gently, reserved, and pious. In fact, I became so good at playing this game of theirs that I had eventually gained respect because I was so vocal in support of The Movement. Never a complaint was uttered again from my lips about how much I hated my … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 4 : The Darkness Sets In

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraThe next morning was back to business as usual in our home. There would be no mention of my suicide attempt until I would bring it up, nearly ten years later. I knew waking that morning that Christ himself had pulled me through last night, even at fourteen. I didn’t know though, how I would get through the days and years ahead of me, that I had yet to live.Emotionally I was spent. Going through puberty was difficult enough, and even more difficult because that also was a topic off limits to discuss. Sexual “things” were just not dealt w … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 3: Drinking the Kool-aid

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators.by ChandraI was a tender fourteen when my world fell apart. My parents had become entrenched and enmeshed with The Movement and because of this, The Movement had become everything in our life. The Movement had become a feudal lord, demanding everything from us: time, money, and resources. My family felt that The Movement WAS our family and it was The Movement that we served- from the rising of the sun to the setting of it.John and Candi, and their four children, had become to us closer than blood. It was The Movement that joined us- heart, body, … [Read more...]


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