SASBN: Putting an End to the Survivor Wars


by Vyckie GarrisonBreaking free from the absolute control of a cultic group is incredibly hard - it's a soul-wrenching experience and in all honesty, none of us walk away unscathed and completely healthy. Spiritual abuse survivors are hurt, traumatized, damaged and often broken. I wish I … [Read more...]

NLQ Anniversary Post by Laura!

by Laura :)So much can happen in a year!  Just a year ago Vyckie and I birthed this blog which has morphed into such a wonderful resource of encouragement and help for folks.  It has also been a great place of healing for myself and I am so grateful for all the love and encouragement I have experienced through the birth and growth of NLQ!I have been pretty quiet the last 9 months or so and it has been necessary for me to be so.  Yet, in honor of the NLQ Anniversary, I want to come out of my silence, so to speak, and give you all an update on what has been happening in my life.  If you are feeling a bit blue or discouraged or have just been thinking that life will NEVER get better…read on … [Read more...]

A voice from my past …

by LauraLaura & Richard, 1981In order to tell the next part of my story I have to go back a bit in time. It may not make sense to you at first but stay with me. It will. Back in the summer of 1980, I met a young Marine and fell in love. He was so handsome and strong and wonderful. He treated me like his princess and I adored him. We spent the summer riding around on his motorcycle, going to Disneyland and the beach. It was wonderful! But there was a problem... I lived 450 miles away. He lived in the same town as my dad and I could only see him when I went on visitation to my dad's place. But love knows no distance. We corresponded and talked on the phone and every time I went to … [Read more...]

Tom and Glenn and …

by LauraAbout this time I was talking to some Christian friends of mine about going to counseling. I guess I thought that counseling wasn't quite the failure that drugs were so I was willing to try it. Not to mention that I knew I needed to do something before I totally lost it. My friends told me about a counseling center near me that was run by the International Center for Biblical Counseling (ICBC). They were Christian-based, of course, and they had a ministry that included helping people who were being demonically oppressed or possessed.Now, whether or not a Christian can be bothered by demons was an issue that we had discussed at times with our former pastor and I really didn't … [Read more...]

Laura's Story…will be slightly delayed

by LauraDear Readers of NLQ,You may have noticed that it has been a while since I posted an installment of my chronological story. I was doing some “research” in order to get more writing done this morning. I dug out my old journal kept during the time of my clinical depression and subsequent treatment. When I read it, I was so enraged at the pain and abuse inflicted on me, I was too angry to write coherently.I stomped around the house swearing for a while.I was so dependent on my ex for every thing - emotionally, physically spiritually. I was angry at the hell he put me through so he could follow “God”. I was angry at myself for not being what I thought he wanted me to be but mostl … [Read more...]

Off to College??

   Laura circa 1981 When I was a sophmore in High School, I was a cheerleader. Go Mustangs!!That year we went to Cheer Camp at UC Santa Barbara (UCSB). It was fun as you can imagine. During my senior year I started looking at colleges and UCSB was on the top of my list. I love the ocean and it was right there. I had some familiarity with the school having spent a week there at camp.I applied to some other schools when the time came and, of course, filled out all those financial aid and grant applications. I waited...and then the acceptance letters started coming in. I was a good student and was accepted to every school I applied to.Now the time came to decide which school to go t … [Read more...]

I want my Mommy!!!!

by LauraI thought about my mom. I thought about if my daughter was told she was clinically depressed, I would want her to tell me so I could love her up and help her. But I had been estranged from my mom for so long. She would call me about every 3 months just to make sure I was okay. The calls were always hard on both of us. If I was feeling especially pious, I would usually end up arguing with her and saying some negative thing to her. But most often we were just sad and talked about nothing important. I hardly talked to her about her grandkids because it was too painful for her to hear. Almost every time we spoke, I would get off the phone and beg my husband, "Can't we handle this … [Read more...]

The Evil Demon of Depression

by LauraThings were very hard for me. I was so depressed and confused. I would spend most of my day closed up in my bedroom crying. I didn't know what to do to turn my husband's heart back to me. I remember sitting at the table one day and telling him I would gladly begin wearing a head covering again if this would make him happy. He said something to the effect that he had seen women wearing head coverings that were not the least bit submissive to their authorities and women who didn't wear one who were. I wasn't sure if I fit into the former category but I was afraid to ask. I had worn a head covering for about 3 years thinking that it made me more spiritual. It was an outward sign of … [Read more...]

Back to the Farm

by LauraWell, my children made it back home. We had a wonderful and exhausting time. My two year old was like all two year olds...exercising his right to say, "NO!" The boys had a wonderful time with Richard (my hubby) at the Museum of Flight. The three of them went there without us girls and the boys were full of laughter and stories when they returned. It was so nice to see that they have realized that this man who genuinely loves their mother is not a horrid nasty person to be feared. He is not the villain they have been led to believe he is. He is actually a pretty nice man who knows a lot about airplanes and such and is fun to be with. My younger girls also seemed to like their … [Read more...]

An Affair with God

 by LauraAfter Dale returned from Brazil, he was not the same man. He hardly interacted with me or the children. He stopped sleeping with me, preferring the living room couch over our bed. He stopped praying with me which was something we did together every morning before we left our bedroom for at least 15 years. He stopped interacting with me on almost every level. He would go for long “prayer walks” every evening often returning after I had gone to bed. He would lay on his face on the floor for 2 hours in the morning and read his bible and pray.Sometimes, after his morning quiet time, he would come get in the bed with me to “cuddle”. I felt like he was throwing me an old bone. As if … [Read more...]