Millipede Part 30 – How Did I Get Here Part 1

by MillipedeHow Did I get here?In the Talking Heads song "Once in a lifetime", lead singer David Byrne echoes this very line. This lyric came to me many a time as I withdrew from Patriarchal fundamentalism. Like a Nautilus Shell rising to the ocean surface, my ascent was marked with the emptying of successive chambers; first I decided to take control of my future by going back to work, soon I no longer confined myself to skirts and dresses in public. Sometime between the first step and the final exit, I went from rebelling against what I saw as "extreme patriarchy" to questioning the belief itself.Now that I am out-out of the Christian Patriarchy (but not Christianity itself), … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 29

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Millipede: Part 28

by MillipedeAs January gave way to February, I noticed that my ex and I spoke for shorter lengths of time. He seemed busy. I didn't give it much though, after all we were just friends and nothing more.Then came the day that we had meet at the courthouse to renew our homesteader's tax credit. Although I had been paying the property taxes, since we had both our names still on the title, we both had to sign the renewal forms. As the matter has now become a legal one, I must be mindful of what I type. Suffice it to say, my ex suddenly denied ever agreeing to certain things pertaining to property division, things that we had BOTH agreed on when we broke up. In fact he was making a grab … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 27

by MillipedeWhen I got to my sister's place, she called her neighbor's son. We ended up going out to see the trailer that day. It was a pleasant day for traveling; warm and sunny. It matched my mood perfectly. I was floating along that day, nothing could get me down. The early fall colors were beautiful and made for a great drive.The trailer was in decent condition. There was some work that needed to be done. It was full of the previous occupants' belongings and one whole side was missing the metal siding. I imagine that it was stolen for scrap, however that was small fry. Overall, it was in good and solid shape. Better yet, the neighbor's son wanted only a small finder's fee for … [Read more...]

Millipede: Part 26

by MillipedeI stood there looking at my ex turned "roommate".  By either title, I would be stuck with his problems. Winter and all it's problems loomed ahead. For some reason, I thought of the book,The Shinning. The description of Danny's thoughts as he realizes that the hotel is haunted and that he and his family will be stuck there all Winter. In vain, he hopes that the evil that resides in the hotel will leave him alone, but deep down he knows better.Here I was facing, the same dilemma; should I do something or should I try to stay and hope for the best. Moving out on such a short notice, how could I even manage it. Short of moving in with my sister and her husband, sharing a … [Read more...]

Millipede: Part 25

by MillipedeThings settled down. My ex took the breakup in stride. We both talked about remaining friends. Now that I didn't have to be his caretaker/servant/mom (what a strange combo) I felt better. No longer was dread a daily companion, I was free from all of that.We both did the "let's stay friends" bit. It seemed like that it might work. My ex seemed to have adapted wonderfully to the fact that we were splitting up. He even looked at options whereby he would move out so as to save me the trouble of moving. Things didn't work out, but at least he was being considerate. We got along better, now that the tension was down. I was ready to take my time, save my money for the … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 24 – The Breakup

shattered

by MillipedeThe next day I got up. As I showered and got dressed I thought of the previous night's events. I was tired, a bit worried, but mostly resolved. I was going to have a final talk with my husband; lay the cards on the table concerning our future.The discussion started as others had before with me sharing my concerns about my husband's drinking. Of course, my husband denied that he had a problem and our argument followed the trail. It was clear to me as we argued, that my husband was in his usual denial mode and I knew what that meant for the future. I couldn't not live under that sort of stress. It was time to act.I told my husband that if this was how he felt about the … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 23

split

by MillipedeThe moment of truth came one Saturday night. No surprises there. Of course, my husband had decided to have something to drink. I abstained of course, someone would have to be ready to call 911. Even though the any possible seizure would not occur until the following day, a 400+ pound man could get into a lot of trouble if he fell of his chair during a nodding phase. Plus, who knows, this time the seizure might come earlier.Things were going well as expected. The slurring had started just a bit and my husband nodded off only once. off had. My husband mixed another drink which he said would be his last of the night.I watched with relief as he finished the cup. We had … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 22

by MillipedeAmidst all the craziness with the alcohol, there was yet another worrying development which had crept up.As I mentioned before, my marriage had developed two fronts;one being my husband's self destructive propensities and the second which came later, that being his embrace of religious Patriarchy. The booze crisis came in with a flash, but that didn't mean that trouble wasn't brewing on the ol' Patriarchy front.Despite his new alcohol problem, my husband remained devoutly involved with the church. It was bitterly ironic and a testament to his hypocrisy, but it didn't stop my husband. In fact, I noticed the return of an old attitude, the one where he was lord over the … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 21

heart

by MillipedeThat summer was a mixture of hope, stress and worry.After the first post seizure drinking episodes, my husband admitted that he needed to watch what he drank. He downplayed the symptoms, but even he had to admit that he never used to nod off when he drank. Also the paramedics, the emergency room doctors and finally the neurologist; all of them had pointed to alcohol consumption as a trigger for his seizure. As usual my husband minimized the problem quick to point out that there were other things that could trigger a seizure, but he did say would make some changes concerning how and what he would drink.They say a fire burns brightest right before it extinguishes … [Read more...]


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