Daughter of the Patriarchy: A Jewel or a Trash Can

by SierraWilliam Branham with a woman in his prayer line. (He would lay on hands, pray, and they would walk away healed, allegedly.)If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always had an answer. If you asked again in ten minutes, it would be a different one. I wanted to be a figure skater, detective, veterinarian, zoologist, writer, astronaut and archaeologist – and not just one at a time. When I went outdoors to play, I climbed rocks and saw them as mountains. When I jumped over streams, I bravely bridged rivers. With stuffed animals as my companions, I sailed pirate ships and submarines and narrowly escaped devastating wars through wit and determination. I harboured r … [Read more...]

Daughter of the Patriarchy: Scooby Doo and the Angel

by SierraBy my eighth birthday, Anna’s church had become our own. My father attended sporadically, but my mother and I adopted a weekly ritual of driving forty minutes through the woods, to the highway, passing numerous small churches on our way to the secret annex of the YMCA. No one would have guessed there was a church there, unless they happened by as we all bustled in with our flowing skirts and dresses and exited under the mid-afternoon sun. My mother was enthralled, talking excitedly to Anna and her new friend Sheila every day. A frequent topic of conversation was her journal, in which she recorded her thoughts and prayers as well as verses from the Bible that seemed to answer e … [Read more...]

Patriarchy Across Cultures: Hard Day’s Night

by TapatiTapati January 1978It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log But when I get home to you I find the things that you do Will make me feel alright -- Lennon/McCartneyWe were still in the laundry room when I started having Braxton Hicks contractions more and more frequently. At about the same time my midwife, Manindra, let me know that she was moving to Hawaii and would be leaving shortly. This seemed rather sudden to me and I didn’t know what all was behind this move, but it made me anxious. I had just gotten to know her and was feeling confident about her skill. She told me that there was another … [Read more...]

It alienates people, pushes friends and loved ones away

by ErikaMy friend was waiting for me to convince her to help me run away. As my freshman year of high school plodded on, things at home became more and more constrictive and conservative. My friends from school started to drift away as my parents pulled the reigns in at home tighter and tighter. The few friends that stuck around were the ones that were known mostly as the "outsiders" at the public school, so they were of a rebellious and non-conformist attitude anyway.I always felt that my other friends had moved on from me, but I've found out recently that it wasn't that they moved on from me, but they had felt that my parents had pushed them away and that they were no longer welcome … [Read more...]

From the Library of Martyrdom ~ Part 2

How I was called to give up that which I did not have.. by AriettyIn the years before the internet I relied on printed publications to nurture and sustain my life as a quiverfull homeschooling mom. It was within these publications that I found my own community in the Christian world, something which had eluded me before that.I read Family LIfe, Above Rubies, The Teaching Home,  Gentle Spirit and a variety of photocopied newsletters from families who had ministries of sending out newsletters. It was often frustrating to me that 3 weeks would go by with no new reading material in my mail box and then BOOM it would all arrive at once. I needed this Christian reading material. It was the … [Read more...]

From the Library of Martyrdom ~ Part 1

How I was called to give up that which I did not have.. by AriettyI began my journey into fundamentalism and a radical understanding of what it meant to be a mother via Above Rubies magazines. I was young, with an infant and toddler  and my life was very lonely and isolated, made more so by my increasingly hostile husband.One day my family and a few of my husband's friends took a long drive to the docks to see a visiting missionary ship. This ship sailed all over the world handing out free Christian literature and putting on evangelical presentations wherever it docked.   We had gone on a ship tour and I remember how the life on board seemed very appealing. The people living and wo … [Read more...]

Why Quiverfull Moms Do Not and Cannot Love Their Bodies

by VyckieI beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. (Romans 12:1)For the past week and a half, NLQ has been presenting the excellent material in Tapati's Body Image Workshop.  As I've read through the posts and all the related comments on the NLQ forum, I've been thinking about how the Body Image issue is incredibly relevant to No Longer Quivering and the stories here of women who've left the Quiverfull philosophy and lifestyle.In theory, virtuous Quivefull moms do not have body image issues.  I say this because, of course, there is no "you" in qivering ~ in o … [Read more...]

I Have Won

by TapatiCrashing against the wall World spinning crazily Your voice from a distance Screaming in fury Self righteous condemnationAgain the blows come They seem to explode inside my head I don't see your fist in its journey towards my body.In defeat I huddle Arms over my head, shielding in vain Knees drawn up to chest I believe this is the end.Finally you finish Your anger and frustration relieved. Surprised to be alive I remain where I am, in shock.Slowly reason returns. I try to pull myself together Clutching the shreds of sanity-- Determined to survive.In bitterness I hear the pleas To forgive you one more time. Ignore the empty promises "It'll never happen again."I know … [Read more...]

Patriarchy Across Cultures: When The Levee Breaks

 by TapatiCryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.—Led Zeppelin version, original lyrics by Kansas Joe McCoy and Memphis Minnie.Previously some friends had offered me shelter at their cabin in Big Bear, a mountain community. I said a tearful goodbye to my husband Mike—now known as Mahasraya following our initiation.Their cabin was cute and had an amazing view of the snowy landscape. The main living area contained the kitchen, dining room and living room in an open floor plan. I was to sleep downstairs where there was a separate bathroom. Jayasri and I enjoyed being two … [Read more...]

I’m beginning to understand male privilege ‹(ô¿ô)›

by VyckieOMG ~ I am in such horrible pain!I guess part of what's got me feeling so cranky lately is that the pain which is focused in my hip and radiates over the whole left side of my body ~ from my fingers down to my ankle (oh ~ my elbow!) ~ is back.I used to live with this pain night and day for years and years, but not long after the divorce, when things started settling down for me so that I was no longer chronically stressed, it went away completely ~ and I finally felt good for the first time in over a decade.It's amazing how quickly I got used to feeling good ~ and after a year or more of not aching constantly ~ I am to the point that I actually EXPECT to feel good.So … [Read more...]


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X