It alienates people, pushes friends and loved ones away

by ErikaMy friend was waiting for me to convince her to help me run away. As my freshman year of high school plodded on, things at home became more and more constrictive and conservative. My friends from school started to drift away as my parents pulled the reigns in at home tighter and tighter. The few friends that stuck around were the ones that were known mostly as the "outsiders" at the public school, so they were of a rebellious and non-conformist attitude anyway.I always felt that my other friends had moved on from me, but I've found out recently that it wasn't that they moved on from me, but they had felt that my parents had pushed them away and that they were no longer welcome … [Read more...]

From the Library of Martyrdom ~ Part 2

How I was called to give up that which I did not have.. by AriettyIn the years before the internet I relied on printed publications to nurture and sustain my life as a quiverfull homeschooling mom. It was within these publications that I found my own community in the Christian world, something which had eluded me before that.I read Family LIfe, Above Rubies, The Teaching Home,  Gentle Spirit and a variety of photocopied newsletters from families who had ministries of sending out newsletters. It was often frustrating to me that 3 weeks would go by with no new reading material in my mail box and then BOOM it would all arrive at once. I needed this Christian reading material. It was the … [Read more...]

From the Library of Martyrdom ~ Part 1

How I was called to give up that which I did not have.. by AriettyI began my journey into fundamentalism and a radical understanding of what it meant to be a mother via Above Rubies magazines. I was young, with an infant and toddler  and my life was very lonely and isolated, made more so by my increasingly hostile husband.One day my family and a few of my husband's friends took a long drive to the docks to see a visiting missionary ship. This ship sailed all over the world handing out free Christian literature and putting on evangelical presentations wherever it docked.   We had gone on a ship tour and I remember how the life on board seemed very appealing. The people living and wo … [Read more...]

Why Quiverfull Moms Do Not and Cannot Love Their Bodies

by VyckieI beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. (Romans 12:1)For the past week and a half, NLQ has been presenting the excellent material in Tapati's Body Image Workshop.  As I've read through the posts and all the related comments on the NLQ forum, I've been thinking about how the Body Image issue is incredibly relevant to No Longer Quivering and the stories here of women who've left the Quiverfull philosophy and lifestyle.In theory, virtuous Quivefull moms do not have body image issues.  I say this because, of course, there is no "you" in qivering ~ in o … [Read more...]

I Have Won

by TapatiCrashing against the wall World spinning crazily Your voice from a distance Screaming in fury Self righteous condemnationAgain the blows come They seem to explode inside my head I don't see your fist in its journey towards my body.In defeat I huddle Arms over my head, shielding in vain Knees drawn up to chest I believe this is the end.Finally you finish Your anger and frustration relieved. Surprised to be alive I remain where I am, in shock.Slowly reason returns. I try to pull myself together Clutching the shreds of sanity-- Determined to survive.In bitterness I hear the pleas To forgive you one more time. Ignore the empty promises "It'll never happen again."I know … [Read more...]

Patriarchy Across Cultures: When The Levee Breaks

 by TapatiCryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.—Led Zeppelin version, original lyrics by Kansas Joe McCoy and Memphis Minnie.Previously some friends had offered me shelter at their cabin in Big Bear, a mountain community. I said a tearful goodbye to my husband Mike—now known as Mahasraya following our initiation.Their cabin was cute and had an amazing view of the snowy landscape. The main living area contained the kitchen, dining room and living room in an open floor plan. I was to sleep downstairs where there was a separate bathroom. Jayasri and I enjoyed being two … [Read more...]

I’m beginning to understand male privilege ‹(ô¿ô)›

by VyckieOMG ~ I am in such horrible pain!I guess part of what's got me feeling so cranky lately is that the pain which is focused in my hip and radiates over the whole left side of my body ~ from my fingers down to my ankle (oh ~ my elbow!) ~ is back.I used to live with this pain night and day for years and years, but not long after the divorce, when things started settling down for me so that I was no longer chronically stressed, it went away completely ~ and I finally felt good for the first time in over a decade.It's amazing how quickly I got used to feeling good ~ and after a year or more of not aching constantly ~ I am to the point that I actually EXPECT to feel good.So … [Read more...]

It’s Complicated: Why It Wasn’t as Obvious as It Seems Like It Should Have Been

by JourneyOne thing I struggle with, as I painfully write some of the facts of my QF Patriarchal Marriage, is that the abuse wasn't as obvious as you might think. I'd venture to say that 99.9% of the people we were around had no clue. I always get a kick out of how most patriarchy supporters speak up so quickly about how they are "opposed to abuse." Are they really? Abuse always seems so stark, so obviously abusive, when you *read* about it, but in real life? Generally, not so much. For example, Mark's abusive and strange behaviors are crystal clear, the way I've written the story for NLQ, but in real life, it wasn't as easy as all that. I think that, in real life, it's never like … [Read more...]

Daughter of the Patriarchy: Old-Girl in Young-Girl Disguise

by Sierra“What did you think?” My mother asked, as our blue Chevrolet rolled smoothly out of the parking lot, mingling with more expensive cars on a fresh-paved freeway.“I liked it,” responded seven-year-old I. “I actually listened.”We were talking about our first visit to Anna and Sven’s church, an informal affair that gathered weekly in the upper annex of a suburban YMCA. The church had begun in the pastor’s living room, hosting only two or three families. Over the next few years it had grown to six or seven. The pastor and his wife had six children, the youngest still a newborn. They’d welcomed a new child every two years since their eldest.Church wasn’t a new experience for me. … [Read more...]

"Go to Oregon and build an ark"

by JourneyMark said we were going to move to Oregon.  I didn’t want to move to Oregon (I hated the rain), and I told him so, but that didn’t matter.  He had heard from God.  More specifically, he had heard God tell him to, "Go to Oregon and build an ark."  What that meant, we did not know, but Mark had heard it quite clearly.  I wasn't about to argue with God.  The strange thing was that Mark regularly mocked people who "heard from God" about things.  He felt that spiritual gifts were generally abused, and that God didn't speak as much as people thought He did.  It bothered him how our mildly-charismatic church used spiritual gifts.  He thought it was indecent and uncontrolled, that t … [Read more...]


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